If Only
by mikachoo
Summary: Post rescue, Kate's on the run again. But she has a secret...Jate.
1. Calling Him

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Foxy, or Lost, or any of its characters or contents.

Calling him – Kate's POV

She sighed. Turning her head in bed she looked over to the phone on her bedside table. It was right there, in front of her. She could pick it up, call him…and tell him what? How was she meant to explain?

_ Fuck _What the hell was she going to do? This wasn't right, it shouldn't be happening. It couldn't be happening.

Leaping out of the bed in frustration she walked across her cheap motel room to the bathroom. She tried to switch on the light, but missed. She tried again, and when her hand slipped past it she banged her fist on the wall in anger.

Her hand was shaking. In fact, her whole body was shaking. Tears of frustration ran down her cheeks as she finally succeeded in turning on the light. In the bathroom she stood in front of the mirror, hands grasping either side of the sink in support. Her pale, tear-stained face stared back at her from the mirror, and water gushed out of the tap as she scraped her hair back into a bun. Bending over the sink to splash her face she caught sight of the bin, the evidence of her nightmare lying in the bottom.

Running quickly to the toilet she flung the lid open just in time. She was sick. Again and again she was sick. She slumped against the bathroom wall, her head in her hands, palms pressing into her eyeballs, as if she could block out the disaster facing her. She had to get out of the bathroom. It was unbearable being so close to that horrible truth.

Sitting back on the end of the bed she felt something square beneath her. Pulling it out she caught sight of a newspaper. And there, on the front, was them. A picture of all of them standing there, on the beach, ecstatic, rescue finally having come. But not her. She'd been busy getting ready to run again. While everyone else had celebrated, she'd been alone under her tarp, frantically cramming as many things as she could into a backpack. And in the bottom, was a passport from the wreckage. She had no idea whose it was; they must have been one of the people in the fuselage. Whoever it was, their photo was now replaced by Kate's. She'd become so skilled at exchanging passport photos that it looked real. It would do.

She looked at his face. He was standing next to Sayid, on the edge of the frame, looking just as happy as everyone else. But he was the only one who wasn't looking at the camera. She knew that he would've been searching the beach for her. He was the only one who noticed her absence. It showed how much the rest of them cared about her.

She had to tell him. The phone felt cold under her fingers as she dialled his number, waiting nervously. _ I can't do this _

"Hello?"

She slammed the phone down. The trickle of tears running down her cheeks now became a flood. Just the sound of his voice was enough to scare her senseless. Not that she wasn't already scared. She was terrified.

She couldn't tell him. But she couldn't do this alone.

_ What the fuck am I supposed to do? Just call him up and say, 'Hi Jack, I know I haven't talked to you since we got rescued, sorry, we should catch up sometime. It's been a month, you know. Hope your okay. Oh yeah,_

_I'm pregnant.' _

_- _Just wanted to add that the words in italics indicate thoughts, though you've probably figured that out already. Please review! -


	2. 28 Hours

28 Hours – Jack's POV

Before the line went dead he could hear a sob. He put the phone down in confusion and lay back in bed. But it was no use. As if there was any point even trying to sleep. The clock read _5:47 _as he got out of bed. He walked into the bathroom, running the water before he pulled off his boxers and stepped in. The warm water felt good, washing away the tiredness that had plagued him for the last month. For the millionth time, his head was again filled with her. Kate. He'd have happily stayed on the island for the rest of his life if he could just be with her. He felt empty. Constantly he wondered where she was. Was she okay? Was she happy? As far as he knew she was still on the run. It saddened him that all he heard of her now was what the newsreader told him. They were still hunting her, and she was still running. And for the first time, he'd actually wanted her to run. To outwit them, to escape. And then maybe she'd come back to him.

_ Run, Kate, Run _

The hospital was cold this early in the morning. It always was. As he walked to his office he caught sight of one of the nurses who worked on his floor, a friend of sorts. When she saw him her face turned stony and she hurried after him.

"Jack!" He pretended not to hear her.

"Jack!" She was now almost shouting. They'd probably heard her at the other end of the hospital. He turned to face her.

"What are you doing here!"

"Working."

"You're meant to be at home! Dr. Johnson sent you back four hours ago!"

"I went home, I rested, and I'm back now."

"Rested! Did you even sleep! What's wrong with you! You'd think you'd be glad to be out of that place, but ever since you've come back you've been miserable!"

That really hit home. Turning on his heel he walked away from her.

"Jack, please. What's wrong? Just tell me, I can help!"

"You know where to find me."

In his office he sat down on the chair, rubbing his forehead. She was right. He was miserable. And he almost wished they hadn't been rescued, just so he could be with her.

A call soon distracted him. He picked up the phone on his desk.

"We have a car crash, floor 3. Internal bleeding, severe head injuries-"

"Coming"

And he ran out of his office.

He distracted himself with work. It was the only way he could stop thinking about her. Coffee in hand he walked back to his office, having just completed surgery on a woman with severe burns. Skin grafts weren't normally his thing, but they'd needed an extra doctor and he was nearby.

He was always nearby. The nurses had affectionately nicknamed him 'Superman'. They thought there was nothing he couldn't do. If only they knew how wrong they were…

"Dr. Shepard!" Turning he saw the new chief of surgery after his father, Dr. Johnson, striding down the hall towards him.

"Dr. Johnson?" He stopped beside him.

"What time did you get here?"

"Uh…5am" Dr. Johnson glanced at his watch.

"I could have sworn you were here last night, wait - yesterday? You've been here since 5am yesterday!" Jack rubbed his hand behind his head nervously.

"Yeah"

"How long have you been here?" Jack sighed.

"28 hours."

"Go home, Jack." He stepped closer. "The reason your father was a chief of surgery, was because he knew when to stop. Go home, and I don't want you back until tomorrow. Do you understand?"

"Yes"

"Take care of yourself. If not for you, then for the patients. For the past month you've been working non-stop. Whatever it is that's making you like this, sort it out."

And he walked away.

_ If only I could _


	3. Sawyer

Sawyer – Kate's POV

She regretted coming instantly. Just staring at the apartment door in front of her made her want to turn around and run away somewhere where nobody could find her. But if this was Jack's door she was standing in front of, she'd probably already have gone.

She knocked on the door, but there was no response. Turning she made her way down the stairs, but paused when she saw a familiar dirty blonde head in front of her. Shocked she stopped. His face was turned away from her, back down the stairs to where a pretty woman in a short dress was holding onto his hand.

The woman giggled and ran up the stairs, pulling on his arm. He made his way up after her, but he froze when he saw Kate. He couldn't stop staring, his eyes wide in shock.

"I'll come back later." She tried to hurry down the stairs, but he caught her arm.

"Wait"

"Baby, what's wrong? Do you know her?" The woman sounded annoyed. Never taking his eyes off Kate he took keys from his pocket and passed them to the woman.

"Yeah I know her. I need to talk to her, I'll be back in half an hour. Just let yourself in and make some coffee or something. I'll explain later."

Before the woman could protest he had grabbed Kate's hand and dragged her down the stairs and out onto the street.

"So…what you doing around here Freckles?"

"I need your help."

"With what?"

"I'm not sure that you can help me, I just need to tell someone I can trust. Hell, you're probably about the only person I can talk to without being handed over to the police."

"What about the Doc?"

On the island Jack and Kate had become closer. Everyone could see it. Doing perhaps the most humane thing he'd ever done, Sawyer had backed off, respecting their relationship after realising that Jack made Kate happy. He was still a close friend.

"I can't tell him."

"Why not? Last time I checked you two were thick as thieves." She looked down at her feet as they walked.

"I'm pregnant."

Sawyer didn't respond immediately, mostly out of shock.

"It is his right?" She looked up at him, shocked.

"What do you think!"

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I'll have to. I just…don't know how. I tried to call him last night, but then I just couldn't…"

"When did you find out?"

"Yesterday"

"Oh"

They walked in silence for a bit, eventually crossing the road into a park.

"Why did you come to me?"

"I don't know. You were just the first person I thought of, and I just needed somebody. I can't…It's not…I can't do this!"

Kate dissolved into tears and Sawyer stopped, putting his arms around her.

"Hey, it's okay. I'll drive you down to see him if you want."

"No, I can't face him right now. I just can't cope. I don't know what to do."

"Stay with me for a bit. And when your ready, we'll go to see him."

"But the woman…"

"Doubt I'd ever have seen her again. Didn't intend to. Before you showed up we were just going to go upstairs for a bit of fun, and then we'd both go on our merry way."

Kate laughed a bit between her tears.

"C'mon, let's go back."

Kate sat down on the couch with a cup of coffee, sipping it slowly. Her tousled hair hung down her back, wetting the pyjamas that Sawyer had lent her. He set himself down on the couch opposite her with a little bottle of alcohol.

"How about another game of I Never?"

"Sawyer…"

"Only joking." He said as took a sip.

"Thanks. For everything. Letting me stay here, the shower, the pyjamas…Why do you have ladies pyjamas anyway?"

"You don't want to know Freckles. Sleepovers shall we say."

She laughed.

"I mean it. Thanks."

"No problem. So when are we gonna pay Jacko a visit anyway?"

"I don't know. When I've figured out how to tell him."

"What's wrong with talking?"

"Please. Look, it's just hard, okay?"

"Hey, easy, I know. You can stay here as long as you want." He got up, setting the alcohol bottle on the table. "I'm going to bed. You know where it is if you want to join me."

"I'm fine on the couch."

He smiled.

"Aaahh, your loss Sweetcheeks!"

She watched him walk away.

She could easily have been happy with Sawyer. She could actually picture herself staying here, living with him. But she chose Jack. She didn't regret it. In fact, she missed him. She longed to just turn up on his doorstep and for things to be the way they were on the island. But it was just too complicated now. She had a suspicion that it might be a couple of months before she actually got up the courage to go and see Jack. A couple of long months that she'd spend with Sawyer.

She woke up. It must have been early – she could see that the sky was a greyish blue colour and that dawn was not far off. For some reason she was scared. Not of anything in particular, just scared, like a small child who wakes up alone in the night.

She felt like a small child as she crept along the corridor to his room. As a young girl she would often sit up late into the night, listening until she heard Wayne finish with her mother and leave. When the sound of his car faded into the distance she'd crawl out of bed and tiptoe into their bedroom next door.

She always felt safe when she was lying next to the warm body of her mother. But this time it wasn't her mother who she slid into bed next to.

He woke as she settled the covers over the two of them. Wordlessly he reached out and pulled her a little closer, leaving his arm looped lazily over her hip.

Her racing heart calmed when she no longer felt so alone. He was the only comfort she had right now. The sound of his slow even breaths eventually lulled her to sleep. There was just one thought that kept nagging at her – the last person she'd been this close to, was Jack.


	4. If Only

If Only - Kate's POV

A couple of months turned into almost four. She slept in Sawyer's bed every night now. Occasionally she would wake up entangled in his arms, feeling a hardness against her leg. To spare him the embarrassment she rolled away, pretending to be asleep so that when he woke and leapt into the bathroom there was no awkward confrontation. Often she would feel a cold breeze sweep through the room, coming from underneath the bathroom door. She never stayed in his embrace when she woke to this. Always, she pushed him away. She had no intention of sleeping with him in anything other than the literal sense. He knew that.

She couldn't explain to herself why every night she felt compelled to lie in his arms and fall asleep. The couch was always there, but she never used it. It had become almost routine for him to go to bed and for her to join him later. He always went to bed first, knowing that it forced her to make a conscious decision to come to him. But every night, without fail she crawled in between the sheets and into his arms. And every night, when Sawyer was asleep beside her and she lay silently beside him, she wished it was Jack she was lying with.

There was an unspoken law between them now. He didn't talk to her about Jack, or visiting him, and she would cook and often clean. Being on the run so much she'd never really stayed in any one place very long. It was nice to do chores – they gave her back a sense of normality which had been missing for some time. They both watched in silence as every day she grew bigger.

Kate was almost five months pregnant now.

She'd hoped to go and see Jack before she showed, so that she could plan how to tell him. But that was unquestionable now. He'd see her pregnancy bump immediately, and she didn't want to thrust it upon him suddenly. There wasn't really an option now though. Again, she could call him. But after she'd waited so long she didn't want to seem harsh. How would she explain why she hadn't told him sooner?

She seriously doubted if she was ever going to see Jack. She made up her mind every day to go and see him, but the moment she got into the car she got out again. She couldn't do this, because she still hadn't quite come to terms with her pregnancy herself. Ignorance was the easiest option. Acting as if there was no baby growing inside her wasn't simple, but it helped her keep sane. A part of her wished that one day she'd wake up and there wouldn't be a bump pushing the sheets up in front of her. But a part of her was growing to love it.

Secretly she was excited about being a mother. Scared out of her mind, especially at the consequences of being on the run with a child, but excited.

And every day she wished she could share that excitement with Jack. But she'd left it too late.

If only she could get up the courage to go see him. If only she had called him that first night. If only she hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place. Then they might have been together again.

If only.

- I just wanted to say that this was the idea that inspired the title. I got around to writing the chapter much later, but with the same initial idea. Reviews are much appreciated, thanks! -


	5. A baby?

A baby? – Jack's POV

The doorbell rang. Again, he got up from the couch, dropping the paper and walking to the door. A small glimmer of hope flickered in his chest; again. As it did everytime the doorbell rang. He always expected it to be her waiting behind the door, but it wasn't.

It never was.

Jack opened the door wider, surprised, and was swept into a rough hug by Charlie.

"Long time no see, eh mate!"

"Charlie! What are you doing here? I thought you went back to England!"

"I did!" he replied, stepping inside the door. "I came for a visit."

"You came all this way just to visit?"

"Well, no. We're back! And without my stinking brother Liam. I'm the new face of Driveshaft! I'm famous, man! We've got a concert coming up in America, but I flew over early to catch up with all you lot. Claire and I are going to a meeting with some business people tonight."

"Claire?" he closed the door behind Charlie.

"What, oh, yeah you didn't know! Claire took me up on the offer to stay with me for a bit, until she figures things out. Turns out that she makes a bloody brilliant manager! She's managing Driveshaft! I'm glad they're staying with me now. Become quite attached to little turnip-head really. And Claire of course. They're living with me in England. So of course they came out for the concert. And while she's busy I figured I'd deliver your tickets personally." He chucked an envelope onto Jack's kitchen table.

"Tickets? What, to your concert?"

"Yeah. I wanted all of you there! To see my big comeback! Charlie, back in action! It'll be brilliant. Not to mention all the publicity we'll get if we're together."

Jack laughed.

"When is it?"

"Uh, three weeks, 4 days and counting. I'm so excited, I mean, this is all my music! Stuff from the island that I wrote! It's all bloody brilliant. Got plans for a new album you see. All the publicity we got when we were rescued did wonders for Driveshaft. I mean first there was me all over the news, my plane having crashed somewhere and everyone thinking that I was dead. And then I return from nowhere! Everyone's heard of us now! It's exactly like I said it would be!"

Charlie was really excited about this, jumping around like a little kid. Jack wished he could share his enthusiasm, but he just couldn't muster it. It made him glad to see Charlie so happy, but he himself didn't feel truly happy. He knew he never would be without her.

"Oh, I've got to go. Told Claire I'd pick her up at six."

It was five past six. "Damn. Oh, well I'll see you in a couple of weeks then?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah, sure."

"Ok then. Sorry I couldn't stay longer. Bye mate."

Charlie was nearly at the end of the driveway when Jack called out to him. He couldn't resist. It had been eating away at him for the entire conversation.

"Have you heard from Kate?"

"Um, no. I think Claire has though." He got into his car, starting the engine and driving off. He braked abruptly and stuck his head out the window.

"Oh, last I heard she's been with Sawyer for the past couple of months. Sorry, bye." He shouted. Charlie had disappeared down the street by the time his words registered in Jack's head.

Last I heard she's been with Sawyer for the past couple of months.

There was nothing in the world that could have crushed him more than that sentence.

After everything that had happened between them; every touch, every kiss, every night – she'd run to Sawyer.

He would have laughed if his mouth hadn't been frozen in shock. She'd always run to Sawyer. After any fight they'd had, she'd sit next to Sawyer and coolly ignore him. But that had only comforted him more, knowing that she only went to Sawyer when she couldn't have him.

But they hadn't fought. And he was waiting for her to come to him. But she hadn't. She was with Sawyer.

Sawyer.

The sound of a baby crying brought him out of his thoughts. A baby? He left the door, following the sound into the living room. But when he got there, it changed. It wasn't coming from the living room; it was in the bedroom. But when he got to the bedroom it wasn't there. It was downstairs again. Confused he ran downstairs. But it wasn't there again.

White Rabbit. That's what Locke had said. He was following a white rabbit. But what happened when he caught it?

The crying was coming from the kitchen. It sounded louder now; stronger. He went into the kitchen, expecting to chase the sound out again. But it didn't go. It just got stronger.

On the floor there was a baby, swaddled in a white blanket, still crying. He bent and picked it up, feeling the warmth coming from it. It was so small, so delicate. It quietened as he cradled it, gently kissing its forehead.

He felt an overpowering connection to this baby. He had no idea whose it was, or where it had come from. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that it might somehow be his.

But it wasn't a dream. Or a hallucination, or anything. It was real. So real. The baby had stopped crying altogether now and its eyes fluttered open. Jack was stunned to see that the baby's eyes were green. A beautiful green. A familiar green.

He was so confused. There was this baby in his arms, now asleep, who had just appeared from nowhere. It didn't make sense. If this was some sort of message, it was lost in translation. He had no idea what was happening.

And then suddenly it was gone. There was no baby in his arms. There was no baby anywhere. He felt a pang of loss as he realised it was gone. It was his baby. He knew it. And it was gone.

The Driveshaft tickets on the table reminded him that it wasn't all in his head. Charlie's visit was real in any case.

Inside the envelopes were two tickets. There was a note stuck to the first ticket.

'Please forget her. Find a nice girl, bring her along and we can all get drunk and have a good time. We just want to see you happy.'

They didn't understand. Kate made him happy. And he very much doubted that a 'nice girl' could make any difference once he was no longer drunk. He chucked the tickets back down on the table. He'd go, to support Charlie. The hospital would let him go – he worked far too hard and had never taken any time off before. And it would only be a day or two.

He went upstairs to his bedroom. The bed looked inviting after a long day at work and all the drama this evening. For once he might actually get to sleep without any pills.

He thought about the baby as he waited for sleep to come. Those eyes…they were so familiar. So familiar.

So…so… …familiar.

For the first time in almost five months, he slept properly.

**I know you all want a big Jate reunion, and I swear it will happen. Eventually. I just want them to develop more, away from each other. It will, in a way, make their relationship get stronger. As the saying goes 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. And while I might Skate a bit later on, please don't worry – I'm as in love with Jate as they are with each other. Every thing that's happening is building up to when they see each other again. But I don't think Kate will ever tell him. But he does find out, promise. Please keep reviewing, and I'll keep updating!**


	6. Drivshaft

Driveshaft – Jack's POV

It was packed. There were people everywhere. Charlie was right - Driveshaft really had had a comeback. He couldn't ever remember them being this popular. Mind, he'd never been that interested by music. He only listened to it in car, on the odd occasion where someone hadn't called him.

The show was pretty good – Jack was amazed by how different Charlie was on stage. He became an entirely different person. A few girls tried to chat him up, but he wasn't interested.

His ticket included a backstage pass. He was lost back there though – there were even more people milling about than outside. Thankfully Claire spotted him.

"Jack!"

"Claire, hey!"

"You're the last one. Here, we're all in a room over here somewhere. I was looking for you; Charlie said you'd be here."

"We?"

She pulled him towards a door.

"Yes, we. We who were rescued. C'mon."

The room was filled with so many familiar faces. Claire let go of him immediately and reached out to take Aaron from a very pregnant Sun. Sun and Jin looked very happy. He kept touching her stomach and fussing over her. She just beamed.

Hurley spotted him immediately.

"Dude! Hey, guys, Jack's here!"

Everyone looked around from their separate conversations, surprised by the sudden outburst from Hurley. They all said their various hellos before returning to whatever it was that they were talking about. Hurley made his way towards him, the small crowd parting in front of him.

"You showed up! We were worried you were, like, not gonna come. You know, with like Kate."

"I came for Charlie. When he showed up at my place he was pretty excited about this."

"Yeah, dude I know! He was like really jumpy when I saw him. I seriously thought he was on something, you know, like drugged or something."

"You'd be surprised."

"What's that meant to mean?"

"Nothing, don't worry. Is everyone here?"

"Pretty much. Sawyer even showed up! Said he was only here cause of the booze, but I think the guy actually wanted to see everyone."

"Sawyer? Is-"

"No. Please, Jack, just forget her. For a little while, at least. Lighten up!"

"Where is he?"

"In the corner, talking to Michael. Well he was a minute ago anyways. I want to know what happened on the raft that made them two buddies all of a sudden…"

But Jack had already crossed the room to where Sawyer was standing.

"Sawyer?"

Michael looked back and forth between them, sensing the tension.

"I, uh, gotta find Walt. He ran off somewhere, you know kids." He disappeared as quickly as he could.

"Doc."

"Heard Kate was living with you."

"Yeah."

Jack didn't know what to say.

"She couldn't come tonight. Don't think she was too keen on risking being seen in public right now."

"The police?"

"What, oh, yeah, yeah, the police. I'm as good as a criminal too, hiding a fugitive."

"Why hasn't she called me, or come too see me, or…something? She knew I didn't know where she was."

Sawyer sighed.

"She has a good reason. I take it she hasn't told you."

"Told me what?"

"It's not my place to say. She'll tell you when she's ready."

He turned to walk away, but stopped, turning his head back to Jack.

"Doc, nothing's happened between us by the way. Me and Freckles. She's just staying with me for the time being, that's all. Temporary arrangement. She loves you, I get it."

He went to walk away again.

"Sawyer. Can you just tell her that I miss her?"

He was about to reply but was distracted by an eruption of cheers. Charlie had just entered the room, finally having returned for the first time since the show finished.

Sawyer nodded quickly in Jack's direction before slipping out of the door.

Spotting Jack he headed over, Claire trailing along behind him.

"You made it!"

He looked around him in mock surprise, his arms coming up to scratch the back of his dyed-black hair.

"Where's that girl I told you to bring?"

"Non-existent. I didn't feel like company. You realise that I only came for you."

"Me? Oh, you shouldn't have, really. Oh well, you can pick up one later if you feel like it. There's a bunch of them outside."

He was interrupted by Aaron, whom Claire had pushed into his arms while she answered her mobile. He lifted the baby up, swinging him around. He was almost a year old now.

Charlie obviously adored him. The baby screamed in delight as Charlie played with him, tossing him up in the air only to catch him and cuddle him tightly.

Jack watched. He remembered his own baby, weeks before who had slept placidly in his arms. Or what he thought was his baby. He wasn't even sure if it was real.

"Mate, could you hold him for a minute? I've got to go be a good host and Claire's still on the phone."

"Aahh, sure." He took the baby from Charlie's outstretched arms, watching as he weaved his way through the survivors, saying hello to everyone until he was eventually waylaid by Hurley.

Aaron gurgled happily in his arms, clapping his hands together repeatedly, obviously amused by the sound that it made. He now had a small head of silvery blonde hair, and his eyes were as sky blue as Claire's.

He felt so small in Jack's arms. Jack couldn't help feeling as if he might break Aaron. He was still pretty small for a one-year old, the time he'd spent on the island obviously stunting his growth. That was hardly the place to raise a child.

Claire's phone snapped shut up.

"He's getting bigger now huh? Glad we're out of that place."

"Yeah. He's beautiful."

"I know. When I took him to see my mum, she cried. She thought I was dead, and then I return with her grandchild in tow."

Aaron cried at the sound of Claire's voice, reaching out for her. She took him quickly from Jack, shushing him and rocking him back and forth gently. His cries stopped once he was back in his mother's arms.

"Thanks for watching him. I was on the phone to someone about the album. Charlie's really psyched about this. It's kind of fun managing them as well."

"So you're living with Charlie?"

"Yeah, in England. It's kind of cute over there. We're not like, living together living together though. He's a good friend, as well as being the closest thing Aaron has to a father."

"He obviously loves him."

"Yeah. Charlie's great with him. Aaron's real father, Thomas, is demanding to see him. I haven't taken him yet. I suppose I'll have to, but the last thing I want to do is let that bastard get involved with my life again. I don't want him to have anything to do with Aaron, or me."

"Just tell him to fuck off then."

"I would, but knowing him he'd get the law involved. I mean, he walked out on me, saying he didn't want to have a baby, and now he's back and suddenly wants to be a father? I should've told him to fuck off a long, long time ago."

They both laughed.

"Yeah."

"But then I might not have had my adorable little baby!" as she said the last bit she lifted Aaron up, blowing a raspberry on his tummy. Aaron gurgled in delight.

"Well, I'm gonna go now. Aaron should be asleep soon, and I have so much to do! Take care Jack."

"Bye."

She left, carrying the baby asleep in her arms. A few people were starting to leave. Charlie and Hurley had already started on getting drunk, slumped on the couch with bottle in hand. Jack walked over to them.

"I'm gonna go."

"What? Oh, no, stay. We got plenty of drink, sit down and grab a bottle." Hurley slurred.

"I don't feel like getting drunk tonight. I'm tired, and I've got work tomorrow. I've gotta go, I'll see you some other time, ok?"

"Yeah, okay, bye mate."

"See you around dude."

It was a long drive back to his house. He'd had trouble wading through the massive crowd to reach his car, and then even more trouble actually leaving the car park. He was tired. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

Despite Sawyer's reassurances he was worried about Kate. There was obviously something she was keeping from him, or some reason why she didn't want to see him.

He swallowed the sleeping pills, washing them down with a glass of water. It wouldn't take long for them to work.

And then he could sleep, stop thinking about her for the few short hours until he had to go to the hospital.

Sleep. It sounded so good, his respite from the trying evening. It had been hard to be there amongst all the people he knew from the island without thinking about her. To him, the island represented Kate. Every single one of them reminded him that she should be there, that she belonged there with all of them.

But she wasn't.

**Thank-you to everyone who's been reviewing! I really appreciate your input on this, it helps me to keep writing. I'll update soon, tomorrow if I can!**


	7. He Misses You

He Misses You – Sawyer's POV

She was almost asleep when he got home. The couch groaned as she leapt up from it and rushed to the door.

He was exhausted.

"Are you okay?"

"Just… long drive. And it was a bit overwhelming, seeing everyone there again."

"Was he there?"

"Yeah."

Sawyer avoided her gaze, trying to dodge past her. He was having difficulty getting past her swollen stomach, and she wouldn't move.

"Did he ask about me?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"He wanted to know if you were living with me. And why you didn't come."

"What did you say?"

"I told him that I couldn't tell him."

"Did he say anything else?"

Sawyer looked up at her, meeting her gaze.

"He misses you."

He watched her crumple, her shoulders sagging and her chin starting to wobble. He pushed past her easily, her previously-resistant body weak.

At the bottom of the stairs he heard her choke on her misery. She only resisted for a second before completely dissolving into tears. Her sobbing followed him all the way to his bedroom, echoing of the walls and resounding in his ears. He wanted to go and comfort her, to hug her and tell her it was okay, but he knew he couldn't. It wasn't okay, and the fact that she was crying over Jack made him too bitter to help her.

He loved her. He understood that nothing could happen between them. She was with Jack, carrying his baby, but he still loved her. In reluctant acceptance he had watched their relationship blossom, he and Kate's own dwindling as she spent more time with Jack.

Jack. It was always about Jack. He was the good guy, the hero. Everyone looked down on him because he wasn't Jack. He wasn't a good guy. He wasn't a hero. And he never would be. Kate had understood him for that. She was the only one who ever had, and for that he loved her.

Her pregnancy hadn't surprised him, but the happiness he'd felt at the news did. He couldn't understand why he was happy, until he realised that he was happy for her. Even if she was upset in the end she'd be with Jack, probably with a couple of kids, playing happy families.

Knowing that she would eventually be blissfully happy with Jack. That was what he was happy about, and that was what surprised him.

He went into his room, shutting the door and stripping down to his boxers. The bed felt cold, but he was too tired to care.

Symbolically he was letting go of her. He always, ALWAYS, kept the door open until she crawled into bed next to him. The light that came in through the door kept him awake until he heard her padding softly down the hallway to him. Then she'd be lying next to him, often cuddling him until he drifted off to sleep. The feeling of her six-month pregnant body next to his was so familiar, so comforting now. It didn't even bother him any more that the bump sandwiched between them was Jack's baby.

Every time he wished she was there because she wanted to be with him, not because he was the only source of comfort she had. He'd heard her; murmuring in her sleep, Jack's name slipping out from her lips. He knew that she wanted to be back with Jack, wanted to be lying next to him, cuddling him, kissing him, making love to him. Of course that was how it would be, eventually. But for now, she was with him. He was just there until she got the courage to talk to Jack. Then she'd leave him as quickly as she'd come. Brushing him aside, casting him off. He knew that however much she felt for him, he still meant that little to her in comparison to Jack. No matter what he did, what he'd done, she was Jack's.

That night, Kate slept on the couch.

**Promise I'll update tomorrow if I get at least one review! Look, I know you all want a re-union, and I swear that's gonna happen. But I want them to develop more away from each other first. So please don't kill me, but in the next few chapters, Kate and Sawyer get closer, and Jack finds someone else…**

**But never fear! None of it means anything in the long run. It just makes them realise more how much they miss each other. Please, please, please don't murder me after the Skex scene…**


	8. Running Away

Running Away – Kate's POV

"What if something happens? What if you need a doctor?"

"Sawyer, I'm NOT going to a hospital! They'll recognize me. What use would I be to our baby in jail?"

They both sat stunned.

"My baby. My baby…" she corrected herself. She didn't know why she'd said that. Slip of the tongue. But the sad truth was, Sawyer was more this baby's father than Jack was.

Jack hadn't been there for any of her pregnancy, whilst Sawyer had. And Sawyer would be there after, with the baby. Maybe eventually she'd go and see Jack. But would he even want them back? She'd lied to him, ignored him for almost a year, and she wasn't even sure if he wanted the baby. He had always said that before the crash he'd basically lived at the hospital where he worked. Why would it be any different now? A baby…would just complicate things for him.

That was her main fear. That he wouldn't want the baby. That was what had kept her from going to him all those months ago…that he'd resent her for being pregnant, that he wouldn't want her because she carried their child. That he wouldn't want their child.

"I'm not going to a hospital."

"Kate, please listen to me. The baby's gonna be here any day now. What if something goes wrong? You need a doctor."

"I am not going to a hospital. I have a friend, her mother's a midwife. I'm going to go and stay with them until the baby comes. I don't need a doctor and I don't need a hospital."

"When are you going?"

"Tomorrow."

"Did you plan on telling me that you were going?"

"Yes, just, later."

"Later as in when? After you'd already left?"

"Tonight."

He sighed, leaning back into the couch and closing his eyes.

"Do you want me to come with you?" his words were strained.

"No."

"So, what, you're just going to disappear and then come back with a baby?"

"It's not like that…"

"Yes it is!"

"Look, why are you so worried about this? It's not even your baby!"

"I'm not worried about the baby! I'm worried about you!"

She stood up.

"I'll be fine."

As she left the room as quickly as she could. She was finding it more difficult to walk now. The baby moved a lot, kicking and punching so much that she felt bruised. Nine months pregnant, it was very difficult to move around.

Since that night three months ago when Sawyer came back from the Driveshaft concert she'd thought about the baby in a new way. She wasn't excited about it. She didn't love it. She wanted so badly to be with Jack, knowing that he missed her as much as she did him. The baby was the only thing stopping her. It wasn't their child anymore; it was an obstacle.

When it was born she didn't know what she'd do. She wasn't sure if she wanted it. If she gave it away, she could go back to Jack, no hassles, no problems. He wouldn't even know that she'd been pregnant. But adoption wasn't an option; she wouldn't be able to have her name anywhere where the police could possibly find her. She saw no reason why they'd look in an adoption agency, but she didn't want to risk it. She was too far gone for an abortion, and she wasn't sure what else there was.

Besides keeping it. It was, after all, her child. And Jack's. If he didn't want her back with the baby, at least she'd have a part of him. But it scared her too much. She'd never been responsible for anything, or anyone, before. All she'd ever done was run away.

She was an expert at letting go, dropping everything and running. No commitments. But this was a commitment, and a commitment that she could never run away from if she took it on.

She'd have to wait. When the baby was born, she'd know what to do.

"So this is goodbye then."

"Only for a little while. I'll be back."

"It'll be strange, without you here."

"It's only for a couple of days."

"I'll miss you."

He hugged her as best as he could, standing slightly to the side of her so that he could reach past her stomach. She hugged him back. Without him, she didn't know what she'd have done for the past eight months.

He stepped back from her, picking up her bag and walking out of the door to the taxi on the street. She followed him.

Eventually she was sitting in the taxi, ready to go. Sawyer picked up her hand and kissed it. She just smiled.

"You better figure out a way to stop that brat from crying when you come back."

She laughed, though she really wanted to cry. This was the first time she'd be without him for a while. And he, as always, had some sarcastic way of saying goodbye. Just when she thought he was being a gentleman.

He watched the taxi disappear down the street. When she came back, she'd have the baby. He wanted to surprise her. And he had the perfect plan.

**Thank – you to everyone who reviewed and I understand why you're dreading the skex (I can't believe how many protests I got!), but I know what I'm doing and I swear to God that thought there may be skex, there will be no skate. It just makes Kate realise that she doesn't want Sawyer – she wants Jack. So, please stop worrying, because it isn't for a little while, and it's very brief (I'd rather commit suicide than write a detailed skex scene!). I'm sending a message to al Jaters to keep strong after the Skate stuff going round the net – we all know she loves him. I think that Sawyer will kiss her, but then she'll tell him she loves Jack, never fear. So I'll update soon! Lots of Jate Love, **

**mikachoo**


	9. Careful

Careful – Jack's POV

The fresh air felt good. As usual, the hospital had sent him home after he'd spent over an entire day working. But he didn't feel like going home just yet. His house had become like a prison, where he was trapped until he was allowed back to work. There were other things he could do, but he never really felt like it. In the back of his mind, there was always her. Anytime he wasn't working or sleeping, he was thinking about her. He was sick and tired of it, always, her haunting him. He knew he'd never love anyone as much as he loved her, but he was trying to move on. He'd long since given up hope of seeing her again.

Suddenly he bumped into someone. He saw that a woman, talking on her mobile, had knocked into him and dropped all of her shopping. There were bags everywhere. She quickly hung up and bent to pick them all up. He helped her.

"Careful"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot! I should've been paying attention!"

"It's okay."

She flicked her hair over her shoulder as she stood up. He stood and passed the rest of her shopping back to her.

"Oh, thanks. You know, there really are perils to shopping too much. You can't get down the street without bumping into about a million people."

He was fascinated by this talkative blonde, who was suddenly making conversation with him. It was such a relief, to talk to someone other than people from work. He'd been pretty much withdrawn from society for a long time.

"And my husband would've killed me, for buying so much, you know, but it isn't his problem any more! I should've gotten this divorce a long time ago!"

Jack didn't know what to say.

"Oh, sorry, you must think I'm so strange, spilling my life story out to you after I only just met you!"

"No, not at all. It's quite refreshing really."

"Thank god! You must be the first person I've met in ages who hasn't told me that I need to shut my mouth. I'm Abbey." She extended her hand to him, piling all of her shopping bags onto her other arm.

"Oh, uh, I'm Jack."

He took her hand, shaking it.

"I don't suppose you want to go and get a coffee? I was just about to go and get one anyway."

"Sure. Coffee sounds good. Daresay I need one, I've been working all night."

"Oh, you must be exhausted! What do you do?" she said as they walked into a café.

"I'm a doctor."

"Oh, wow! I wanted to be a doctor, but I started my medical course and then the first time I saw blood I just felt sick. Wasn't for me."

"What do you do then?"

"I work in advertising. It's a pretty fun job actually, and you get to meet a lot of people and the hours are good. Well, most of the time."

"Advertising…how'd you get into that after medicine? They just seem a bit, unrelated."

"I had a friend who was doing an advertising course and when I dropped out of medicine she suggested that I come to one of her classes. They were great, and I just sort of…integrated myself into her class."

"I'll go get our coffee's then."

"Oh yeah. Here." She rummaged in her purse and pulled out some money. He ignored it.

"I've got it."

He returned with the coffees to find her talking on her phone. She seemed quite agitated.

"..I don't give a damn about what your lawyer says! Bye."

"Sorry," she said as she put away her phone, "My ex-husband. He's always calling about something or other. Trying to sort out the house today. He seems to have forgotten that we were done with that months ago!"

Jack laughed.

"You ever been divorced?"

"No. I was married though, once."

"What happened?"

"She died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"No, it's fine. It was a couple of years ago. She was going to leave me anyway."

He didn't know why he was telling this woman things he'd kept private for years. He hadn't even told Kate about what happened to Sarah. They'd talked about her, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell her what happened. It was still too sensitive a subject.

Abbey sipped her coffee, desperately thinking of something to say.

"So, um, are you with anyone now?"

Jack smiled.

"No."

He'd told her about Sarah, but there was no way he was telling her about Kate. Not yet anyway.

"Funny. I would have thought that a guy like you would have loads of girls lined up to date him."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

"Well, you're a doctor, you're charming, and witty, and oh so handsome."

They were both laughing. Jack was surprised to find himself having fun. He hadn't flirted this shamelessly with anyone since Kate.

"So you think I'm handsome?"

"Oh, I'm not sure I said that."

"Yes you did."

"Well I-"

She was cut off by the ring of her mobile. Rolling her eyes she picked it up.

Jack sipped his coffee while she sat in silence, listening to whoever it was on the other end.

"Yeah, okay I'll do that later… No, what…No….aargh, I don't care! Stop calling me!" She slammed her mobile shut.

"Sorry, it's my ex again." Abbey looked at her watch.

"Oh, damn. I've got to go, but I'd like to continue this conversation some time. Call me, okay? Bye!" she passed her card to him and after smiling at him briefly she ran out of the coffee shop, her bags barely getting through the door.

Jack was exhausted. Not only from his 20 hour shift, but by the energetic vivacious blonde who he'd only just met. She overwhelmed him, and he wasn't quite sure what to think, but he knew that he wanted to see her again. It felt so good to be talking to someone again outside of work. She was so different to Kate, and he knew that it was time to move on. What he and Kate had was obviously not meant to be. He had no idea how things would turn out with Abbey, but he wanted to find out.


	10. Deep Sea Blue

Deep Sea Blue – Kate's POV

She'd lied to Sawyer. There was no friend. But she knew that if she'd stayed, he would've made her go to the hospital. He was terrified at the idea of having to deliver a baby at home. She was on her way to the motel that she'd been in when she'd found out that she was pregnant. For some reason she felt like she had to be there to have the baby. That was where the mess had started – that was where it should end. Or begin. Whatever.

Her first contraction came when she was still in the taxi. She panicked. They were still at least 15 minutes away from the motel, and she didn't know what to do. If she said anything to the driver, there was always the risk that he'd take her to a hospital. So she sat in silence, biting down on her tongue and gripping the seat every time another contraction came.

They arrived at the motel an hour later. The traffic had been horrible, and Kate had been hoping that she wouldn't have to deliver her baby in a taxi.

The driver got her bags out as she stumbled into the shabby reception. As quickly as she could she paid the taxi driver and got her room key, then struggled with her bag down the hallway to the room. It wasn't the same room that she'd been in before, but she didn't really care. She was in too much pain.

Kate collapsed on the bed. But not before she'd left the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door and drawn the curtains. She was so tired. But she found that despite her pain she was able to sleep.

She woke a few hours later. She was still in horrible pain, but she wasn't anywhere near as tired. The contractions were closer now. She supposed that she should time them.

70 seconds. _Shit _

That meant that she'd have to push soon.

She went into the bathroom and ran the bath. She'd read somewhere that water lessens the pain, and although she wasn't keen on a water birth, she was willing to try anything right then.

The water was warm and the instant she was sitting in the bath she felt so much better. The contractions were even closer. Minutes passed as she sat in the bath, gripping the edge tightly and timing the contractions. Over and over in her head she was repeating the instructions that Charlie had relayed to her over a year ago.

60 seconds.

_Okay, push_. 

It was so hard not to scream. She couldn't afford to make a sound, but it hurt so much. When she'd regained her strength she pushed again.

_ Fucking hell that hurts! _

Despite her newly discovered exhaustion, she pushed again…

About two hours later she was lying on the bed, cradling her beautiful baby boy in her arms. He was sleeping, soundlessly.

She was so, so tired. But she couldn't sleep right now. She placed him gently on the bed beside her, wrapped in a blanket that she'd brought.

The bathtub was covered in blood, amongst other things. The baby's umbilical cord, which she'd cut with scissors, was lying in the bottom. She picked it up and put it in a plastic bag. She didn't really know what else to do with it. The blood washed off quite easily with water, and soon enough the bathroom was clean. Well, as clean as it had been before she'd come.

A cry brought her running back into the bedroom. The baby was crying, and she presumed that it was hungry. She had no idea what else might be wrong with it.

Thankfully he quietened when she fed him. He sucked eagerly at her breast, and when he was done he just fell asleep again. She placed him on the bed and lay down beside him, stroking his cheek softly with her finger.

His eyes fluttered open when she touched him. The moonlight reflected in them, so that they looked unusually bright. His eyes were blue, as were all new born babies. But they were a beautiful blue. A beautiful deep sea blue.

Kate didn't want to go back to Sawyer. Not just yet anyway. She'd stay a few days, and then return. She just wanted to spend some time with her baby. And in the back of her mind was the idea of seeing Jack. He lived relatively close. His house was on the closer side of LA, while Sawyer's apartment was on the other.

The next three days revolved around her baby. Whenever she wasn't feeding him or changing him she was just holding him. He cried very little – thankfully. She had only been out of her room once, to go and get food. There was a McDonald's next to the motel and although she hated to leave the baby, she didn't want to take him.

She also hated McDonald's, but she was starving and she wasn't prepared to go any further to get food.

He was still sleeping when she got back, and he didn't seem to have moved in any way. She'd basically run all the way back. The entire time she was out she was thinking that something had happened, that when she came back something would be wrong…

She'd only been gone for 5 minutes but in her mind that was enough for any number of things to happen. It was stupid to leave the baby alone, but she needed to have a break from it for a while.

The baby was still and 'it', or 'him.' She didn't know why but she didn't want to name him. Secretly she hoped that she'd be able to name him with Jack, but she didn't know how she'd go about seeing him. Eventually she decided to return to Sawyer. It was the only thing she could think of to do, and she was tired of the shabby motel room.

It was a long ride back but eventually she was standing outside Sawyer's door again. But this time she had a baby in her arms.

Her beautiful little baby boy.


	11. Hope You Like It

Hope you like it – Sawyer's POV

He'd just finished when he heard the doorbell ring. He didn't have to check – he knew it was her.

_ Talk about timing _

He wasn't sure what he expected. Obviously she'd return with the baby, but it was still a shock to see her there with a baby in her arms.

"Hi." Her voice was a little shaky, and there were a few tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Hey." He opened the door wider and grabbed her bag. She walked back in – it had only been a few days but to her it felt like forever since she'd last been there.

"It's a boy." Sawyer didn't answer. He just stared at the tiny baby in her arms.

Eventually he found his voice.

"What's his name?" It seemed the obvious thing to ask.

For some reason the question upset her. Taking the baby in one arm she turned away, but he could see that she was wiping her eyes with the back of her other hand.

"Kate?"

"I haven't named him." She'd never spoken to him this sharply before. Immediately her face fell, almost in surprise.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, I'm just so stressed, and tired. And I've been asking myself the same question since he was born. I can't name him. It just doesn't feel right, without Jack."

An awkward silence fell between them. He grabbed her shoulder gently and led her across the room towards a door.

"Here. Close your eyes."

"Sawyer? What are you doing?"

"I've got a surprise. Close your eyes."

She complied, but squinted slightly so that she could see the tiniest bit.

He opened the door, and her eyes flew open again in amazement.

What had been an empty room when she left had now been turned into a nursery. She walked in, looking around in wonder.

The walls had been painted a light yellow, and there was a matching yellow cot and changing table in the room. And squeezed in the corner there was a small chest of drawers. It was a tiny room, but big enough for its new purpose. It was also right next to the living room, so she'd be able to access it easier.

"Didn't know what the kid was gonna be, so I figured yellow was the safest option. Hope you like it."

She turned around to face him where he was lolling lazily against the wall.

"You did this?"

"You sound surprised."

"Well, yeah. I didn't expect you to do anything like this. It just doesn't seem like the type of thing you'd do."

"Thanks Sassafras. I'll keep that in mind next time I'm planning a surprise for you."

"No! I didn't mean it like that. It's beautiful. Thank you."

She walked over to where the cot was and placed the baby inside. It was such a relief to be able to put him down for a while. If she could she'd spend all of her time holding him, but her body just wasn't able to cope. She needed to rest.

She went back over to Sawyer.

"Thank you." She placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him tenderly on the lips. Her lips lingered there, brushing lightly against his.

"You're welcome." He murmured against her.

She pulled away again, but he noticed she was hesitant.

"I'm tired. I'm gonna go to sleep for a bit, try and get some rest before he wakes up again."


	12. Confused

Confused – Kate's POV

The couch was so comfortable, and she fell asleep almost immediately. It had been a long night, and an even longer day. But before she fell asleep she thought about the kiss with Sawyer. She wasn't even sure why she'd done it. But it shocked her to find that there was something there. Something for Sawyer. Something that she'd thought was long dead. She still loved him, but Jack was long gone to her. She'd had eight months to tell him about the baby – a part of her was beginning to wonder why she hadn't.

Sawyer was there for her now in a way that he hadn't been on the island. She was beginning to see through the cold, sarcastic exterior, and she found that there was actually a very caring loving man under there. But it was buried beneath a rock hard wall, protection from all the hurt and pain that he'd endured.

She was so confused. Jack – she loved him and missed him so much, but if she couldn't even talk to him then how was it supposed to work?

All she had to do was say the word and she could be with Sawyer. She knew that he loved her, completely. And she was beginning to wonder if there was something in her that wanted to return that love. She wanted so much to be loved, and it'd been so long.

And Sawyer was there. And maybe, just maybe, it could work.

She woke up again in the middle of the night. And again she felt alone.

For the first time in three months, she was crawling down the hall again to Sawyer's room. He woke the moment she pulled back the covers and slid into bed next to him.

Through the dim moonlight that lit the room she could see the questioning look in his eyes. In answer she kissed him.

He kissed her back, pulling her to him tightly. She could sense that he'd wanted this for so long. A part of her had too. But another part had wished it was Jack. She was beginning to have doubts, but it was too late…

He was asleep. Soundlessly she crept out of bed, pulling her tiny little pyjamas on and creeping back into the hall.

Rather than going back to the couch, she went into the baby's room. He was awake, but he wasn't crying. Just lying contentedly in the cot, sucking his thumb. He was so beautiful.

She picked him up. It almost hurt not to hold him. The maternal instinct that she felt was stronger than any she'd ever felt before. Stronger than her instinct to run. Born to run - that was her. Kate. She was running, even now. She was running away from Jack, from what could be a happy ever after. Couldn't face him, the man who'd loved her so entirely. The father of her child. The only person who'd ever really meant anything to her.

She was still running. She didn't think she could stop. But now she had a reason to. Her baby, the perfect little baby in her arms, deserved its father. It needed someone good in its life, someone better than her. She had to go to Jack, for her baby. No matter how scared she was, she had to. She took the baby out and sat on the couch, pulling her knees up and resting the baby on them, so that his tiny little face was inches from her own.

How could she go to Jack? After what had just happened with Sawyer…

She'd always imagined that sex with Sawyer would be hot, angry. From the Sawyer that she'd known on the island, that was what she had expected.

But it wasn't. He was gentle, and so passionate. He loved her…like Jack loved her. It was almost the same as Jack. But she didn't want it to be like that. She wanted it to be different, she needed it to be different, so that she could put them in different places in her heart.

The tears started running down her cheeks. He woke, somehow sensing her tears. He started to cry. It was too much; she pulled him close to her chest, hugging him, crying and wishing that it had never happened.

She knew without a doubt now that she wanted Jack. She just wanted Jack back.

**I'm so sorry! I had already had this written, and I've been too busy to rewrite it, and so I posted it anyway, coz you were all begging for an update. But I only just found the skate spoilers for S3! And I am so sorry for posting this now, after seeing that kiss clip. For any of you who don't know, Sawyer is the 'island boy' who gets kissed again. The thing is, he doesn't get kissed – he kisses. So he kisses her, and we don't know the rest, so hopefully she pulls away. And maybe explains to him that she loves Jack. Coz there is no way that Skate's gonna happen. Not while there's still breath in my body! I can't WAIT for S3 now! I need to know what happens!**


	13. Abbey

Abbey – Jack's POV

Things moved pretty quickly with Abbey. It started with a few dates, but after three months she'd moved in. The house that had been his prison was becoming his home again. He was happy, happier than he'd been in a long time. He worked less, and found that he was spending more time with Abbey than he had with Sarah. The mistake he had made in working too much was one he wouldn't repeat, not now. He'd ruined things with Sarah – he wasn't going to let that happen with Abbey.

They were in bed one night, almost asleep. He was lying with his back to her and he felt her creep her hand up over his shoulder, eventually resting on his chest. She started to kiss the back of his neck, but he pulled away.

"What's wrong?" she sounded hurt.

"Nothing."

"Jack. Something's up. Please tell me."

He rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling above him and sighed deeply. She snuggled closer to him, pushing herself against his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. She was waiting, waiting for him to tell her.

"It's just…it's been a year since we were rescued."

He'd long since told her about the island. But he still hadn't told her about Kate.

"And I was trying to figure out how to tell you before, but I couldn't." she propped herself up on her elbows so that she could see his face clearly.

"Tell me what?"

His hand came up to rub his head nervously.

"On the island… I met someone. Of all places. We were together for a while…but when we got rescued…she just disappeared. I haven't heard from her since, and I don't know why."

He was struggling to hold back the tears. He hadn't thought about Kate in a long time, and he'd tried to forget how much she'd hurt him.

Abbey settled herself down on the pillow again, unsure about what to say.

"Was it serious?"

Jack just nodded.

"I'm sure she had a reason."

"If she did then why couldn't she have at least said something about it? Just told me…anything."

"Do you miss her?"

"Sometimes."

"What was her name?" Abbey sounded wary, almost unsure if she was allowed to ask. He turned his head so he could look at her.

"Kate."

Her face drained.

"Kate? As in the criminal Kate? She's all over the news! They're trying to find her… she's a felon!"

She was taken aback when he looked hurt.

"She's not like that!"

"She's wanted all over America Jack! They're offering a reward of $30, 000!"

"You don't understand!"

"What is there to understand!"

This was their first real conflict. Abbey rolled over, pulling the sheet around her and sitting up. Jack grabbed her arm.

"Please. I'm sorry…it's just hard. I haven't talked about this for a long, long time. Sorry."

She considered him for a moment before climbing back into bed. They just lay beside each other for a while, Jack running his hand up and down her bare arm.

"I don't like it when we fight." She whispered eventually.

"Neither do I. I'm sorry." he whispered against her cheek, pulling her closer until she was pressed up against him. 'I'm sorry' he kept whispering as he kissed her. She sighed and closed her eyes. Honestly, she hated it when they fought, because she hated shouting at Jack. It wasn't really his fault, he shouldn't be saying sorry – she should. But it didn't really matter, as long as they stopped fighting. She relaxed into his embrace, responding to his kisses as he rolled on top of her.

Most of their petty arguments ended up like this. They'd fight, one of them would say sorry and then they'd make love.

They were pretty happy though. They rarely fought, and when they did it never lasted long. Even with both of them working they still found time for each other.

Jack loved Abbey. But he did, and always would, love Kate.

**I thought that Jack deserved someone else. Poor guy, he was waiting around for ages for her, I thought that he needed to move on. But reunion coming up! One more chappy until the big Jate reunion!**


	14. Hard

Hard – Sawyer/Jack POV

He'd watched her closely over the past few weeks. She'd been acting differently, towards the baby. She was normal around him, pretty much ignoring him as she'd done since that night three months ago. But with the baby…

She used to hold him, just because she could. Whenever she wasn't busy he'd find her in the nursery, cuddling the tiny little thing. She didn't do that any more. Sure, she fed him, changed him, bathed him and quietened him when he cried, but as soon as she was finished she put him back in the cot and left the room. It was as if she didn't love it any more, she just cared for it because she had to.

One afternoon, about a week ago, the baby had been crying. Normally Kate would be there straight away and then the noise would stop. But it kept crying. He went to the nursery, but stopped when he saw that the door was open and she was in there. But she wasn't holding the baby. She was sitting on a chair on the other side of the room, watching the baby cry with a blank expression on her face. That had scared him.

He didn't know what was wrong. She just spent less and less time with the baby until she never spent any time with it, at all. Often he found himself caring for it, while Kate was out somewhere. She'd stumbled through the door one afternoon, drunk and crying. He didn't know what to do and just put her on his bed to sleep it off. It was he who slept on that couch that night, he who got up early in the morning to shush the baby. He'd actually grown to love the little boy.

Over the past month or so the baby's eyes had turned green. They'd been blue since birth, but now they were a deep green hazel, identical to Kate's. He'd mentioned this to her yesterday and was shocked to find that she hadn't noticed.

That was why he was in the car now. He just couldn't handle it any more. He didn't know what to do, and there was only one person who could fix it. Jack.

Kate's post-natal depression was out of his hands. He was cracking, as much as he loved her and the baby, from the stress of taking care of them both. Kate needed just as much help as the baby did. She was losing it, deteriorating right in front of him.

Sawyer knew that she'd never get the courage to go to Jack. So he was going for her.

He'd gotten the address from Charlie, without too many questions. And eventually he was parked outside Jack's house. It was a big house – Jack must be pretty well off.

Jack almost jumped when he opened the door.

"Sawyer! What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Is she okay?"

Sawyer exhaled slowly. This was hard, harder then he'd thought.

"Jack…the reason that she didn't come to the Driveshaft concert that night…why she hasn't spoken to you… … … she was pregnant."

Jack was stunned. He couldn't quite accept what Sawyer was saying, it was too much. He was frozen in shock.

"What?"

"She wanted to tell you, but she was too scared. She didn't know what you'd think. And she's so stressed out now, with the baby-"

"She's had the baby? When?"

"Three months ago."

Jack's had automatically came up to rub he back of his head. He closed his eyes, trying to regain some composure. Three months…three months, and she hadn't told him that he had a child.

"It's a boy."

Something clicked in Jack's head.

"Has he got green eyes?"

"What?"

"The baby, are his eyes green?"

"Yeah, but how did you know?"

It all made sense now, the baby he'd seen all those months ago.

"Why didn't Kate come? Did she not think that she at least owed me an explanation, or…something."

"Jack, that's the other thing."

"What? Is she okay?"

"I think she has post-natal depression."

"What?"

"She's falling apart. She cries, almost everyday, and she doesn't hold the baby, or cuddle it. She cares for it, but she doesn't…love it. He was crying one day and I found her sitting and just staring at him, letting him cry. I can't handle this. I know that you're probably angry at her, for everything, but she misses you. She needs you Jack. Please."

"Please" he repeated.

"What am I supposed to do about it?

"Just come see her. Help her sort herself out. Maybe even… get back together."

Jack suddenly remembered. Abbey. How was he meant to tell her that he had a son? A baby, that he'd never had a clue existed…with the woman he still loved.

"When?"

"As soon as you can. I'm worried that she'll…do something stupid."

They both knew what he meant.

"I'm working all week."

"So come down on the weekend. Whenever. Just…soon."

Jack thought about this for a moment.

"Sawyer, there's a problem. I ca-"

Jack heard the keys turning in the lock. Sawyer jumped back so that he didn't get hit as the door swung open. It was Abbey, back from work.

"Oh, hi."

Abbey was staring at Sawyer curiously, before glancing back to Jack. He could see that she wanted him to tell her who he was.

"Um, Abbey, this is Sawyer. Sawyer, Abbey."

"Hi"

"Hi"

"So…how do you know Jack? Work?"

"No" Jack said quickly. "He's… an old friend."

He thought that if he told her Sawyer was from the island that she'd think it'd have something to do with Kate. Something he didn't want her to know right now.

"I really have to go now anyway."

"Yeah, okay."

Jack walked out the door with Sawyer and quickly shut it behind him.

"That your girlfriend?"

"Yeah"

"Oh"

"That's the problem. I don't think I can tell her about Kate, and the baby."

"What, so you never told her anything!"

"I told her about Kate. But I can't tell her about that right now. Not yet. I need to talk to Kate first."

"Okay. Do you want me to tell her you're coming?"

"No. She might…I dunno. Just, don't."

"Right, see you on Saturday. What time?"

"Uh…12, I guess."

"Right. On second thoughts, I might go. Leave you and Freckles to catch up."

He turned to leave.

"Sawyer! What's his name?"

"She hasn't named him."

Three months. The baby was three months old, and she still hadn't named him.

Back inside Abbey was waiting for him.

"What was that all about?"

"What?"

"Sawyer. That guy. What's he doing around here?"

"Nothing. I just… haven't seen him for a while. He was in the area, stopped by."

"So where do you know him from?

"College."

"College? God that is a long time. I'm gonna go for a shower. Wanna join me?"

"I had one earlier."

"Oh, come on baby. Please?"

He didn't want to, not after what he just found out about Kate. But if he refused, she'd figure something was up. Something WAS up. But he didn't want her to know right now. So he let her drag him up the stairs, let her undress him, occasionally planting kisses along his neck, face, chest…

Abbey was standing in the bathroom, drying her hair. He was watching her from the bed. He hadn't even bothered to get dressed yet. He was just thinking…how could he have let that happen in the shower? When he'd just found out about Kate. Why she hadn't come back.

He was a father. He liked the way that sounded, when he said it in his head. His son…he wanted to see him. See if he looked like him. Or Kate. Sawyer said the baby had green eyes. He wondered if the little hair that he'd already have would be curly. Like Kate's. There were so many things he wanted to know. So many things he needed to find out about his son.

His son. He liked the sound of that.

**So I guess you all know what's next – REUNION! I figured that it's about time now. I can't keep them apart for much longer without completely destroying their relationship. And now Jack knows about the baby. Did you like the whole Sawyer telling him thing? I figured that it would make more sense, coz it would make the reunion more…I dunno, just better. If Kate didn't know he was coming, which she won't by the way. So, review, and you'll get your reunion! Thank-you!**

**mikachoo**


	15. Watching

Watching – Kate's POV

She was watching again. Watching as he gurgled happily in his cot, lifting his feet up to his mouth, sucking on them, laughing in delight when the mobile above him twirled, caught by a gust of wind from the open window.

Watching as he moved his head too quickly towards the side of the cot. Watching as he knocked it on the sharp corner. Watching as he started to cry, the volume creeping up as he started to feel the pain. Sitting and staring as he screamed out for her, time and time again.

She learnt a lot by watching.

She knew that his favourite toy was the small fluffy duck. She knew that he liked to suck his thumb as he went to sleep. She knew that he would lie for hours and just watch the mobile above him, the tiny birds and butterflies flying around in a perfect circle, repeatedly. She supposed he'd be like Jack in this way – calmed by order, relaxing when everything was neat and tidy.

She knew that when he hurt himself, the first thing he did was call her.

She knew that she should have felt something.

Those first few weeks, when she heard him cry, her heart clenched painfully until she knew he was okay. She didn't stop panicking until he was safe, crying against her shoulder.

And now she's deaf to it. His cries don't register in her head as a call for help. They don't register at all – she barely hears them.

She knows he's hurt himself. A bump, nothing more. Maybe he'll have a bruise tomorrow. Maybe not. She just doesn't care.

She knows she'll have to pick him up soon. Sawyer will get annoyed if he keeps on crying. She understands – so much noise from such a tiny thing. So much responsibility.

And when he's quiet she'll feed him. Then put him back into the cot, and sit down and watch again.

She likes watching.

Watching him in the cot. He rarely came out of the cot anymore – she never held him. Never touched him when she didn't want to. Didn't have to.

He was still crying. Any second now, Sawyer would-

"Oi! Can you shut that thing up!"

She crossed the room and picked him up, out of obligation to Sawyer more than anything else. She held him awkwardly, no longer remembering how she was supposed to hold him.

He was still crying. She rocked him against her shoulder, shushing him, kissing him until he eventually stopped. She continued to hold him, until she was sure that he wouldn't start up again. He felt heavy against her.

Looking down, she saw that he was sleeping. He looked so beautiful. So angelic, his tiny wisps of blonde hair surrounding his round face. He was blonde – somehow, even with her and Jack's dark hair, he was blonde. Perhaps it was from her side of the family. Perhaps it was from Jack's. She often wondered, as she watched him sleeping.

He had her eyes though – that was unmistakable. She was surprised to find that she hadn't noticed until Sawyer pointed it out to her. But know that she knew, she didn't know how she could ever have been unaware of it. They were such a brilliant green, bright and intelligent. They weren't the eyes of a baby. They were her eyes.

Sawyer came into the room quickly. He had his coat on, and from what she could tell he was going out. He seemed surprised to find her holding the baby. It was so rare when she actually did.

"I gotta go. I'll be back…I dunno. Tomorrow I think. I'll call."

"What? Sawyer what's going on?" he seemed on edge, anxious to get out of the apartment.

"Uh, there's some guy I gotta meet at 12. I'll be late, bye."

The door had clicked shut behind him before she'd even had time to react. The loud slam had woken the baby up. He wasn't crying, but he was sniffling against her shoulder. She put him back in the cot, stroking his soft head a few times before sitting down again on the other side of the room.

All of a sudden she felt sad. Sad that she didn't care. Sad that she didn't feel anything for her baby. Sad that she was so helpless, so lost. The tears rolled down her cheeks. Her shoulders started shaking as silent sobs racked her body. She couldn't afford to make a sound. If she woke up the baby, then she'd have to shut him up again, put him back to sleep.

It upset her that she thought about it like this, like it was…a chore. She shouldn't think like that, but try as she might, she couldn't stop.

All the pent-up grief and fear that had been trapped inside of her since his birth came flooding out. She could barely see in front if her; the tears streaming from her eyes. And all she could hear were her own sobs, echoing in her ears, the baby's cries in the background.

And then the crying stopped. Suddenly. Looking up, she saw something she never thought she'd see.

Jack, holding their baby.

**So, technically this isn't the reunion. It's the beginning of it. The rest? Review, and you'll find out!**


	16. A Familiar Green

A Familiar Green – Jack's POV

His eyes were beautiful. They opened the moment he picked him up, staring at him. It was a connection which he'd never forget. Seeing his son properly, for the first time. Those green eyes…they were Kate's. Unmistakably. He was surprised by the tuft of blonde hair on his tiny head, but it was cute. It suited him, and he couldn't imagine him any other way. He was perfect.

Kate was on the other side of the room. Her nearness was almost painful now, after so long. He couldn't bear to put the baby down, but he needed to talk to Kate. Without taking his eyes off the baby, he lowered him into the cot.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said softly.

There was a long silence. He could tell she was trying to compose herself, bring herself to tell him.

"I thought you wouldn't want him. Wouldn't want us."

It sounded so stupid in his mind, but coming from her mouth, it made sense. He didn't have time for a baby. He worked too much. But he worked to fill the hole in him, the hole which she'd left in her wake. A hole that was beginning to fill as he took in every inch of his son's face.

"Of course I wanted you. And him. Didn't you at least think that you should have discussed it with me?"

"I couldn't face you rejecting me."

"I wouldn't-"

"If you had."

She stood up, trying to wipe the tears from her face.

"Didn't I deserve to know?" he hated to make her upset, but it upset him, these questions for which answers were long overdue.

"Yes" she started to cry again, but kept walking towards them until she was standing beside the cradle, following his gaze down to their sleeping child.

"Yes" she whispered.

"Why didn't you call? I waited for you. Goddamn it Kate!" his hands went to the back of his head in frustration.

He watched the tears roll down her cheek, once, twice, until he couldn't bear not to hold her any more.

It felt so right, to hold her again. Their body's fit perfectly together, as if she'd been moulded around him. He held her tightly, afraid that if he didn't she'd disappear again. She in turn hugged him back, just as scared as he was.

She started to kiss his shoulders, his neck, desperate for the taste of him, which she'd craved for so long. He could feel himself slipping – he wanted so badly to give in to her. He wanted to feel her body against his again, wanted so badly to love her in the way he hadn't been able to for months, but he had responsibilities. In other words, Abbey.

It killed him to pull away from her, but he had to. He couldn't do this, not now. He needed to talk to her first, find out where they stood. And somehow tell her about Abbey.

"Kate"

She looked up into his eyes.

"Things have changed. We can't just…I have responsibilities." She still looked confused.

"It's been a year! I wanted you, but you never came. There's…someone else."

He'd expected her to be surprised, or hurt, both of which he saw in her eyes, but what he hadn't thought he'd see, was understanding. She breathed out slowly, wiping a tear from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"I know. I was stupid….I didn't expect you to wait. I know that we can't just…make it like it was before, but…but…I need you. To help me, with him." She nodded towards the cot.

Jack tensed. For he first time today, he was lost for words. He had planned exactly how he would tell her; explain to her what postnatal depression was. Neat, precise medical facts, things which he understood.

But he was beginning to realise that there was so much more to it than a medical term. Sure, they taught them about the emotional trauma that women with postnatal depression underwent. First, the indifference, then agitation, then the despair and finally guilt.

But what they didn't say, was how much it changed a person. She was no longer his fresh, happy, sun kissed, island Kate – she was pale and tired. She'd lost weight, and the sparkle had gone from her eyes. Her hair was still curly, but somehow seemed flatter, and less lively. Those freckles which he'd come to love no longer showed on her beautiful face. Her eyes – they were clouded by weeks of torment and self-hate. It hurt him to see her like this. But for once, he had no idea how to fix it.

**The re-union is going to be on-going. I want it to be good, so it'll span a couple of chapters. I'll update soon, I promise! Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed, and please read and review my other story No Shame, No Fear! It's completely different to this, but I hope that none the less you like it. Once again, I'm sorry if it depresses you, but often the best stories are the sad ones. **


	17. One Night, One Mistake

One Night; One Mistake – Kate's POV

She knew he was watching her. She'd loved him for long enough to recognize the sensation of his eyes on her. The pleasant tingle down her spine, the subtle blush that came to her cheeks. But she couldn't look him in the eye.

"Kate, it's not your fault. It can happen to anyone." His voice was soft, almost wary. Wary that she would snap at him, wary that she would strike out in frustration.

"It is my fault."

"It's not Kate. Anyone, for any reason. There doesn't even have to be a reason! Please, listen to me, we can get through this, I'll help you."

"It's not that Jack. There is a reason."

He waited for her, a little shocked. She knew that he'd thought that this was just one of those things – how could his Kate have a reason for not loving their baby?

"I don't wan to talk about it."

"Kate, if you don't tell me, I can't help."

Kate burst into tears. He was so caring, compassionate. If only he knew….

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Don't cry. I'll fix it, I promise." His strong arms encircled her again, this time wrapping all the way around her, encircling her in a little cocoon as if he could block out whatever was making her upset. She cried into his chest.

If he had any idea. One night; one mistake. That was all it had taken, all it had taken to destroy her potential future with Jack.

"You'll just leave me."

"I won't ever leave you again. I love you."

"No you don't! If I tell you you'll hate me!"

"How could I hate you? I love you Kate…"

This wasn't how she'd pictured the next time he'd say 'I love you' to her. In her mind, it had always been a romantic situation. In reality; it was a disaster.

"I love you too." She whispered.

"Then why can't you tell me?"

"I…I can't."

"Do you trust me?

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"If I say thatI 'll never leave you again, would you trust that?"

She looked up into his deep brown eyes. She saw everything she'd ever wanted in them; love, passion, honesty, and Jack. Yes, she trusted him. But she didn't trust him not to leave her again if she told him.

Suddenly her proximity to Jack became too much. She couldn't bear to be so close to him, so close and yet so far. So, so far.

She pulled herself free from him and walked over to the cot. Her beautiful little baby was in there. But he remained a mystery to her. There was one question in the back of her mind that surfaced every time she looked at him, and she couldn't see any way of answering it.

He had no distinguishing characteristics that would help. No features that could give her the answer.

She wanted to tell Jack. Maybe he could help her find the answer. But maybe he would leave her.

Her hands closed tight around the rails of the cot, so tight that eventually her knuckles turned white. He placed his hand over hers, gently pulling it away.

She wanted to tell him. She'd have to, in the end. He had a right to know, it wasn't fair to keep him in the dark, not after this long.

"Jack…" she started. His eyes were burning into her, but her eyes were on the baby. She couldn't look anywhere else.

"I…I don't think…"

This was stupid. She never stuttered. But she was so scared.

"I don't know if it's your baby."

**Haha, I got you all there didn't I? Bet you didn't see that coming! If you want to find out who the father is, please review!**


	18. Just You And Me

Just You And Me – Kate's POV

FLASHBACK

He had a way of sleeping with arms tucked up underneath his chin, his head buried in between them as if to protect it, that made her see him as vulnerable. It was the only time she ever saw him like that; he was normally so strong, so perfect. Only ever in his sleep did he let his guard down.

She never tired of watching him sleep. She loved to see him look weak – it made her own imperfections seem more bearable.

There was a curse outside. Jin, obviously fishing early in the morning, had probably just gotten tangled in the net again. Kate jumped to her feet in the small shelter, throwing on her jeans as quickly as she could.

She was almost out when he woke up.

"Kate?"

"I have to go, it's morning. People will be up soon."

He sat up.

"Why do you care so much? Who gives a fuck if they know!"

"I do!"

"Well I want to know why! Why are you so ashamed of us?"

"I'm not ashamed! I just…. I don't know!"

"You don't know. That's all you've told me for the past few weeks! We need to talk about this!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, we do!" his voice was loud, loud enough to wake up people sleeping in shelters near them. She looked at him desperately and when she saw he was going to speak again, she ran out of the tent. He jumped up and ran after her.

She was well into the forest before he caught up with her. His hand closed around her wrist like a vice, yanking her back.

"What is your problem?"

"Let me go." She hissed back.

"No, Kate. I'm not going to let go until you tell me why you run away, every time."

She struggled, but it was no use. His grip was too tight.

"Because that's what I do Jack, I run."

"Why?"

His question hit too close to the mark.

"Let me go!"

"No, Kate."

"You wouldn't understand…" she mumbled, turning away. He pulled her back.

"Why!" She leaned in close to his face, spitting out her words at him.

"Because this, us…It scares me! I don't want everyone to know until I'm sure this is what I want!"

He let her go, but she stayed. Now that she'd told him, she needed to know how he felt about it.

"Well, you better make up your mind pretty soon." His tone was cold, and he turned away and walked back. She didn't bother going after him. He'd made it clear that he didn't want her to.

She was close to tears, but she couldn't cry while he was still within earshot. She may be hurt, but she was too proud to let him know she cared.

She spent the better part of the day wandering around through the forest, just on the edge of camp, in the shadows. All day, she tailed him, waiting for him to stay still for a moment, look upset for a second. But he didn't. He was as he always was, playing doctor to everyone.

Late in the evening he was sitting by the fire with the others. He was the only one not eating. A twig snapped under her foot, and she leapt back. But not quick enough. She knew he'd seen her.

Before she knew it, she was running away again.

There was a light ahead of her. It was far from camp, too far to be anyone but Sawyer. He'd taken to sleeping away from the camp, spending the majority of his time away from the other survivors. They all looked on him with distaste, especially Jack, who did whatever he could to make the southerner's life miserable. She'd never seen Jack be spiteful before Sawyer.

He was sitting in front of a small fire, reading a book. He looked up when she entered his camp, setting the book down beside him and staring at her with surprise.

"What you been doing Freckles? Looks like you've been crawling through the jungle on your hands and knees."

True, she was covered in mud. It had rained and rained today, and her trousers had been splashed very time she ran, which that day, was a lot. She sat down next to him by the fire.

"You'd be surprised."

"Ah, who cares. Nice to have company for once. How about another game of I Never?"

He pulled two little bottles out of his bag, his eyes twinkling. She knew she shouldn't, but right now she didn't care. She reached out for it.

"Okay."

Sawyer had just finished his bottle. Hers had run out a while ago, her 'I Nevers' far outnumbering his. She's had fun, much to her surprise. It was nice to spend time with him, just the two of them, after they'd barely spoken for so long.

His eyes were burning into hers. She flinched, his hand having come up to run down the side of her bare arm.

"You must be cold." His voice made her feel strangely hot in the face.

"No. I'm fine." There was a split second in which she seemed frozen, watching him lean closer.

Within seconds his lips were on hers. She kissed him back, hungrily, biting down lightly on his lip, driving him on. He knew what she wanted.

He pulled her tank top over her head, then expertly undid her bra. A shiver of excitement ran through her when his hand came over her bare breast.

She ripped his shirt off roughly, then desperately tugged at his jeans in between kisses. He'd managed to get hers off without her noticing. She was momentarily surprised, but soon pushed him backwards onto the ground, rolling around on the soft ground.

The heat from the fire was no match to the heat radiating off them, and long after the embers had died in the ash they were still wrapped around each other, a fire burning between them.

END OF FLASHBACK

"That day, when we fought… I went to see Sawyer. That was around the right time…and I don't know! I don't know if he's his or yours! I'm sorry Jack, I'm so sorry…" She fell forward, expecting him to hold her again and tell her he understood. He'd promised.

But he stepped back. She looked up, and through her tears he could see his face contorted with anger and confusion.

"I have to go."

"No, Jack, please don't…"

"I need time to think about this. After all this, you owe me that, at least."

With one more glance at her, he left the room. She heard the apartment door click shut behind him, as it had done after Sawyer about ten minutes ago.

He hadn't stayed long. But it seemed like the longest few minutes of her life.

She was so confused. A thousand emotions were welling up inside her, ready to burst out. He'd promised! He'd promised he wouldn't leave her again.

But how could he stay? If he'd stayed, he was more man than she'd thought. If it was her, in his position, she'd run.

How she wished she could just run! Just forget it all, start fresh. The walls of Sawyer's apartment, which had been her home for the past year, suddenly seemed too small. She needed to get out.

Her legs were shaking, but that didn't stop her from running out of the nursery, rifling through the cupboard for a bag. She had few possessions, just some clothes, but the baby needed all the space she had left.

Nappies, clothes, blankets…she didn't really know what she was putting in, but she was in auto-pilot and she knew that whatever she packed she would need, at some point.

She slung the bag over one shoulder and went to the cradle. He wasn't sleeping, just lying there, watching her in amusement. He was just like a tiny little person, already so intelligent.

A little flicker of protectiveness went through her. She was slowly feeling it coming back, the maternal feelings that had abandoned her on her return to Sawyer's. This was what they both needed; an escape.

She picked the little baby up, holding him in front of her and kissing him softly on the nose. He gurgled in delight.

"It's just you and me now." She whispered.

"Just you and me."

**I know, I know, I'm very naughty, reuniting them and then separating them. But for the record, I never said it was Sawyer's baby. I've had so many reviews saying that 'OMG, it's Sawyer's!' – I'm not saying it's not. But I'm not saying it is either.**


	19. Joker And The Thief

Joker and the Thief - Jack's POV

She was joking right? After all this time, she'd lead him on, everything…and it wasn't his baby. Well, it still could be, but was he willing to stick around, again, just to find out? She'd expected everything to be the same, just like that, when they were together again. But it wasn't that simple – she should have known that.

He didn't even know he'd been in the car until he was parked outside his house, staring at the steering wheel. Today had just been too much. He'd seen his son for the first time, only it wasn't his son. He'd seen Kate again, only it wasn't the same. She'd changed – he'd changed. He wasn't so sure if it could work any more.

He was surprised to find that he felt no resentment towards Sawyer. He knew even less than Jack did. It was only to be expected, they had both been vying for Kate's affections. They'd had a fight, she'd found comfort. He supposed that something had to have happened between them, just as something had happened between he and Kate.

More than once he'd turned to Ana-Lucia when he and Kate weren't speaking. Only he hadn't gone that far.

He supposed that he'd better talk to Sawyer. He didn't think Kate would tell him. As he'd learned for himself, Kate wasn't very good at explanations. But he deserved to know. He'd formed an odd sort of bond with Sawyer that he could only describe as friendship. Or at the very least, acceptance.

He went inside. Abbey was still at work. She was a primary school teacher – she would spend hours each night, talking about each of the young children she taught, her face lighting up as she told him how they had been painting, or learning numbers; little things that meant the world to her. He would just listen to her, for however long she wanted to talk. She really loved her job – anyone could tell that.

Jack had wanted to be a vet when he was younger. He loved helping, and healing, but he didn't want to be the same as his father. But he'd been pushed into Medical school, a decision that he often thought had been made for him. He'd grown to love being a doctor, and had developed an enthusiasm and a passion for surgery. It didn't matter any more that he'd been forced into medicine. But he wondered how different his life might have been if he'd made his own choice. He wouldn't have met Sarah, he wouldn't have fallen out with his father…he wouldn't have met Kate. He wouldn't have been in this mess.

He was expected back at the hospital later tonight. He'd been able to get the afternoon off, on the condition that he worked the night shift. But he wouldn't be able to concentrate. If he went into the operating theatre, he was more likely to screw someone up than fix them – like Kate had screwed his life up.

Something hard dug into his leg when he sat down on the couch. Suddenly he remembered.

On his way into the house that afternoon, he'd noticed a small paper slip on the table, the unmistakable envelope of photographs. Inside, were pictures. Tons of pictures, at least fifty; all of his son. Or what he'd thought was his son. He'd taken one, to remember the little baby by when Kate ran again. He didn't expect her to stay for very long, and when she went again, he wanted to have something to remember them by. So he'd taken one. He'd felt guilty at first, the word 'thief' flashing constantly through his mind. But like she'd notice! And he deserved at least a picture, after everything.

He studied the baby's little face, trying to find some part of him in those tiny features. She hadn't actually said it wasn't his baby – but he needed to know that it wasn't Sawyer's. But he couldn't find anything. Everything about him, his beautiful eyes, his long lashes, his full, down-turned lips; just like Kate's. But no Jack. And…no Sawyer.

But that still didn't give him peace of mind. As much as he wanted to know if he was the father, he knew it was no use. How were they supposed to tell? It could easily be either of theirs, 50/50. If he stayed with Kate, played the daddy…how would he feel when his son turned out to be Sawyer's? And vice-versa.

He'd have to tell Sawyer, it wasn't fair to keep him in the dark. Kate sure as hell wouldn't tell him, so he had to.

He dragged himself upstairs, collapsing onto the bed and pulling the cover over his head. Deep breaths – in through the nose, out through the mouth. He couldn't deal with this right now. Sleep sounded so good – fuck work, he'd work double during the week. He just needed to get away from Kate for a bit, away from the baby and Sawyer and Abbey and this whole situation.

So he slept.

**I'll update again today, I promise! Hope you liked this!**


	20. Jigsaw

Jigsaw – Abbey's POV

His car was in the drive when she came home. She'd wanted to surprise him – she'd even come home from work early just so she could get everything ready. Why wasn't he at the hospital? He always worked in the afternoons.

The house was quiet. She crept into the kitchen and set the shopping down on the table. The rustling of the plastic bags seemed so loud to her; surely he'd heard it. Why wasn't he coming down to see why she was home so early?

Downstairs was empty. There was no sign that he was home at all, except for his keys by the phone. She guessed he must be upstairs.

He was. Asleep, on the bed, his brow scrunched up as if he was having a bad dream. But otherwise, he looked peaceful. She smiled.

She rarely saw Jack sleep. He would stay up for hours, stroking her face and her arms until she fell asleep. And in the mornings when she woke up, he was normally gone.

But he always left her a note. Or a rose, or something to make her remember he'd been here. He was always trying to say sorry for working late; the hospital ran out of doctors, there was an emergency, so on…

She didn't mind. Not really. He always made the effort to come home, and that was what meant the world to her.

She closed the door, leaving him in peace. She could still surprise him. In fact, it might be better this way – she didn't have to worry about him walking in on her preparations.

It was Jack's birthday. He'd all but forgotten. He hadn't spoken about it, or mentioned it at all. So her assumption was that he didn't remember. But the hospital worked him too hard, it wasn't his fault.

The plastic bags in the kitchen were filled with food and candles and decorations. Jack didn't like her making a fuss, but she did it anyway. As far as celebrations went, it was as much her birthday as his.

It took her a few hours to get the dinner sorted, and the decorations up, and the candles lit. But it was worth it – the look on his face when he came downstairs was so perfectly surprised, and at the same time happy.

She squealed and ran over to where he was standing. He was still surprised, and barely caught her when she leapt into his arms and started placing little butterfly kisses along his jaw. He broke into a smile.

"Hey."

"Happy Birthday! I know you didn't want me to do anything, but I wanted to." She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "You haven't got to work tonight have you?"

"No, no, I'm not working. This is perfect! Thank you!" He bent down and kissed her. She blushed and ran back over to where the food was cooking in the oven. She opened the oven door quickly. It was ready.

"How come you were home so early?" she glanced back at him and saw a shadow cross over his face.

"I,uh, I wasn't feeling so good. I didn't think that I should operate, and I came home."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine now. I feel better, I think I might have been stressed, and tired. I had a bit of a headache."

"Well you should be tired. After last night." She giggled and smiled mischievously at him. He laughed, and looked relaxed for the first time since she'd brought up the subject of him being home.

"Yeah." He crossed the kitchen and looped his arms lazily around her waist. "After last night."

He started nibbling on her neck. She giggled again, squirming and half-heartedly pushing him away. His hand gripped her hips firmly and turned her to face him. His head was bent low, his lips already covering hers by the time she realised he'd spun her around.

A burning smell brought them out of their passion. She looked at him confused, before she suddenly remembered the food that had still been cooking, the minutes ticking by as they were wrapped around each other.

"Shit!"

She scrambled for the oven glove, shoving it on her hand. The moment she opened the door she was hit by a cloud of smoke. Coughing, she reached in and pulled out the tray. The chicken on it was burnt. Badly. It was black, and there was ash surrounding it on the tray where it'd crumbled. The tears were pricking at her eyes – this was supposed to be perfect.

She rushed to put it in the bin, the hesitated before turning back to Jack. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffing back tears.

"Sorry. I wanted everything to be perfect…"

"It's okay. We can order a pizza or something. It's the thought that counts, right?"

She felt him hug her again. "Thank you. It was beautiful anyway, burnt or not burnt."

"I'll get the phone." She moved to go end get it, but he pulled her back.

"We don't have to eat now. Later." He said the the last word in her ear, trailing his lips down to her neck. She shivered in excitement.

"Okay. We'll eat later."

Again, she left him sleeping. They'd never actually gotten around to dinner somehow. But they had drunk the whole bottle of wine. She'd have a hell of a headache in the morning. So would he in fact, but it was a Sunday. And as far as she knew, he wasn't working. It would be nice to just lie in for a bit.

Her phone was flashing. She picked it up and flicked through the messages; her mum, work, a friend…

Nothing particularly urgent. As she set it down on the dresser again, her hand brushed something. It felt like a piece of paper, or card. She picked it up and walked out into the hallway light. A photo?

She studied the baby. He was lying in a cot, his foot in his mouth and a smile across his little face. It was a nice picture, but who's baby was it? Jack had said that his best friend had just had a baby, with his wife. But that was two days ago – this baby had to be at least three months old. Something about the little boy's eyes distracted her. Green. Green…

Kate had had green eyes. She remembered now, from a picture she'd seen on the news. In fact, the eyes seemed identical.

It was still so confusing. Like a big jigsaw; all the pieces were there, she just needed to fit them together.

She raced down to the computer, typing in 'Kate Austen' as quickly as she could into the search engine. Dozens of articles and pictures came up. She selected one photo, a head-shot of a young girl, about seventeen. Those eyes… she held the little photo up beside the screen.

She could've cried out. There was no doubt that this was Kate's baby. But if Kate had been pregnant…

Jack never got headaches. He was the most hardworking person she'd ever known; he wouldn't have gone home because of a headache.

The baby, Kate, Jack - in her mind, the jigsaw just fell to place.

**I know most of you don't like Abbey, coz she's keeping Jack from Kate, but in all honesty she's not. I've grown to like her, and I wanted to express her point of view. Just try a different angle, like I did with Sawyer's chapters. I hope you are all enjoying this, please review!**


	21. Gone

Gone – Jack's POV

Abbey had been cold towards him all morning. Not noticeably so, but it was normally she who initiated their conversation over breakfast. But this morning she was quiet. The silence was awkward, and he was relieved when he phone rang – a distraction. When he got up to answer it Abbey stood up too, glancing at him before grabbing her purse and running out the door.

He picked up the phone.

"Jack."

"Sawyer!"

"What happened?"

"What?"

"Yesterday, what happened? What did you say?"

"Nothing…why?"

"She's gone. She's taken all of her stuff, and the baby and she's gone. No note, nothing. She just disappeared. Why?"

"Oh"

There was a long silence.

"Sawyer… the baby. He might not be mine."

"What! Who…" It was Sawyer's turn to be quiet this time, and Jack was sure that he was remembering that night many months ago.

"Mine?" he whispered so quietly that Jack could barely hear him.

"Maybe. She doesn't know whose it is, yours or mine."

"She knew? She knew all this time?"

"Apparently."

"Bitch! She knew the entire time and she didn't think to tell me that I could possibly be the father of her baby. I was there the whole time! She could have said something."

"She didn't tell me anything either Sawyer." Jack reminded him quietly. It was bad enough listening to Sawyer go on about the time he'd spent with Kate. "When did you get back?"

"This morning. And she was gone, everything of hers was taken. Well, basically."

"Basically?"

"She left some of the baby's stuff. Things she couldn't fit I suppose. Look, do you have any idea where she'd have gone?"

"If I knew, don't you think I would have told you? You'll never find her if she doesn't want to be found."

"I know, but…what am I supposed to do?"

"Try and forget her. I had to. Look, I have to go. See you around."

"Yeah. Bye"

The phone clicked in his ear and he put the receiver back down. So she'd run away again. How typical. He'd spent most of last night wondering if she'd run. He'd thought for once that she might stay, because of the baby. But he was wrong – she'd run again, taking the baby with her.

Suddenly a horrible thought struck him. What if she never came back? What if she was running away for good, leaving them all behind and starting fresh? What would he do then, if it was his baby? Like he'd ever find out, but if she'd stayed he might have suggested a paternity test. It was easy enough, and then problem solved.

He had a feeling that she was never coming back. The more he thought about it, the more likely it was. She'd just want to get away and forget. Raise the baby as hers and hers alone. Maybe she'd contact him in a few years time, tell him how she was; but then again maybe not.

But if it was his, what would he have done? Would he have done anything? There was Abbey to consider, and his job. If it was his, and Kate wanted him back, the Jack he knew six months ago would have gone in an instant. But he'd changed. She'd messed him around one too many times, so that he wasn't sure if _he _wanted her anymore. But he still loved her. Sadly, it seemed, because it was only a hindrance now. If he was still with Abbey in a year's time, he would probably ask her to marry him. But he knew that even if he did, he never could actually marry her.

Because his heart still belonged to Kate.

**Yes, I know that a paternity test is the obvious thing. But Jack was a bit too confused and anxious and desperate to get out of the situation to suggest it just then! Kate's POV next chappy! And because I don't want to keep you all waiting, I'm going to reveal the father! But be warned – not all is at it seems. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, and please keep reviewing!**


	22. A Simple Test

A Simple Test – Kate's POV

He deserved a father. Tom.

She'd named in the end finally, after driving past the place where Tom was killed and dissolving into tears. She liked to think that Tom was not only a part of her, but a part of his namesake, somehow. Tom had always loved her, and she him, for their entire childhood. And when they were teenagers, it was so much more. Any baby she had would be partly his, even if not biologically.

And partly Jack's. Or Sawyer's. She tried her hardest to forget, but simple things like changing a nappy or feeding him reminded her that one of them should be here. One of them should be helping her raise their child. At first it was just curiosity, then as the weeks passed there was a burning desire to know. It probably wouldn't make a difference anyway – she'd more than likely be too scared to go back, even if she knew.

Her mobile rang.

"Ms. Ford?"

She was about to correct them when she realised that she'd used that name a few weeks ago, as a cover. She knew who was calling now. She'd woken up in the middle of the night, a few weeks back, filled with desperation for the name of Tom's father. It had kept her up all night, and she'd gone the next day to see Sawyer and ask him to take a paternity test.

"Yes?"

"The results are back…" She listened in silence as he told her who Tom's father was. She almost dropped the phone once or twice, but somehow lasted until after he'd hung up to drop on the couch, dizzy.

She had to tell him. She almost smiled at the memory of the last time she'd been so desperate to call him, a year and a half ago. Glancing down at her beautiful little boy sleeping on the bed next to her, she thought how much everything had changed.

"Hello?" This was it.

"Jack." The entire conversation had been planned perfectly in her head, and now all she could say was 'Jack'.

"Kate! Where are you, are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"I'm fine, and so is Tom."

"Tom?"

"I named him. Jack, I went to see Sawyer a couple of weeks ago and he had a paternity test done. I just got the results back."

She heard a lot of shuffling about, as if Jack were sitting up with shock.

"I, um…. I don't know how to say this…" her voice was thickening in her throat, the words catching as she tried to expel them.

"It's Sawyer's baby."

There. Done. All she had to do was wait for Jack's reaction. Or, apparently, his lack of it.

"Jack?" He didn't answer.

"Jack, please say something."

"What is there to say?"

He had a point. What words were worth passing between them now? What was else was there that had to be said? All that was necessary was what was left unspoken.

This was it then. The only thing that had kept her tied to Jack, and she to him, was their baby growing inside of her; a baby he now knew to be Sawyer's.

And so, suddenly, the bond was broken. What they'd had was wonderful, while it lasted, but too much had changed. Things were too tense between them, feelings too mixed, for there to be anything anymore. She would always love him, but maybe it was time to let go.

Her heart clenched painfully as she realised this would be the last time she would probably ever talk to him. She had no reason to call him after this – the baby wasn't his responsibility anymore.

She struggled desperately against the tears welling up behind her eyes, the small cry at the back of her throat. She needed him to say something, anything, just to hear his voice one last time.

"What happened between us?" she couldn't stop the tears now, couldn't stop the waver in her voice. Hers was filed with so much emotion; his was devoid of any.

"I don't know."

"We…we really loved each other. All that time ago. On the island." She laughed a little through her tears, as the irony of their situation dawned on her. They'd always had something to talk about – in fact, talking was probably what brought them together. And now it was tearing them apart.

He was silent.

"I…I guess that this was bound to happen anyway. We never would have worked off the island, me being me and you being you… I'm sorry, for whatever went wrong. For loving you in the first place, it only made things more difficult for you now- "

"No. Don't say that. I'll never regret a minute of what happened Kate. Never. Promise me that you will never want to change anything. Promise me Kate."

Just hearing him speak again brought fresh tears to her eyes.

"I promise." She couldn't manage more than a whisper.

"And tell him, Sawyer, if you haven't already. He deserves to know, after everything. He didn't know anymore than I did, did he?"

"No."

Jack's bitter laughter rang painfully in her ears.

"Well, holding your tongue was always your strong point. Bye Kate."

"Jack I lov-"

But he was gone.

**I know Jack seems really cruel, but please sympathise with the poor guy! He just got told that it was Sawyer's baby… and I will have him explain himself in the next chapter. I've almost reached 100 reviews!!! Woo-hoo! Keep reviewing, and as usual I will keep writing. But I will only be writing once a week now, sadly, due to boarding school and their lack of internet access. Sorry. But I will cram as many chapters as I can into the weekends!!!**


	23. Not Such A Happy Ever After

Not Such A Happy Ever After – Jack's POV

He hated that he had to be so horrible. Sawyer's nickname 'jackass' seemed more apt than ever to describe him. He'd screwed things up royally, by not making her stay with him in the first place. She'd only run away because he wasn't strong enough to make her stay. And he'd never told her he loved her, to this day.

He'd just about told her everything, but those three words. He couldn't bring himself to say them though – if he said them, it made it real. And he knew Kate wouldn't be able to cope with that, the reality of what was between them. She would have run again, so he'd never said anything, hoping to god that she'd still be there when he woke up.

What had happened all that time ago… it was more of a support than a relationship to start with. They'd found a way to cope with the island, the monster, the others… each other. Secret meetings in the jungle, often in the dead of the night when the rest of the camp was sleeping; snatched moments when everyone else was looking the other way. Always in secret – she never wanted it to be public.

But after some time of just using her to keep him sane, and he her, he'd felt himself start to love her. He felt the initial attraction blossom into intimacy, often until he wanted no more than to lie down on the jungle floor and hold her all night; counting the stars and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. It was about sex at first, but then sex became so unimportant, more of an occasional comfort than the reason for their midnight trysts. He couldn't remember ever being happier than watching Kate sleep in his arms, her beautiful brown curls tumbling over her shoulder, her sweet lips parted slightly in slumber, her eyelashes fluttering open slowly as she woke and looked up into his eyes. Her beautiful mouth as she smiled at him.

He loved her morning smile, the smile that came out every time she roused in his embrace. That was what he'd always remember about her, and it would stay as fresh in his mind as if she was right in front of him.

He hoped that she'd come to understand why he hung up. It was better for both of them that way. If she'd said just one more word, he knew that he'd never be able to put the phone down. And as she'd said, things had changed between them. They couldn't be together any more, not unless something changed.

But at least he had Abbey. She'd helped him get over her before, and she could help him get over her now. The idea of marrying Abbey didn't scare him anymore. It had – because of Sarah, because of Kate. But both of them were behind him now.

It was noon – he should probably head back to work now. He was locking the house when he saw a police car pull up in the street. He dismissed it at first; he lived on a big street, no doubt someone's teenager had been caught doing drugs or something. But when a police officer got out and walked towards his house, he worried. Could this be about Kate? He thought that they'd finished with him ages ago. The policeman walked up to him.

"Jack Shepard?"

"Yes" he felt his heart rate increase rapidly. What was this about?

"Do you know an Abbey Hunnewell?"

"Yes" A cold sweat broke out on his forehead.

"I'm afraid there's been an accident…"

He sat next to her bed in the hospital, stroking her long blonde hair. His hand brushed her cheek, and recoiled when he felt how cold it was. She was dead – Abbey. Gone. A big chasm opened up in him as the truth sank in, that she wasn't coming back and he had to survive without her. He'd lost them both in one day, Kate and Abbey…

A car crash. Nothing too unusual for a busy highway; there was one almost every day. Abbey was talking on her mobile, and didn't notice when she slipped across into the opposite lane, didn't notice when a big tanker was almost on top of her… not until too late. She swerved at the last minute, meaning that the impact was on the side of the car, not the front. But she was still hurt, too much, too broken for the doctor's to fix.

He had to go. He couldn't stay with her, not when her normally tanned beautiful face was pale and cold in front of him. He had to get out, get away from Abbey's body.

He managed to reach the door before his legs gave way and he collapsed into the chair outside her room, burying his head in his hands. He'd never been good at holding in his emotions – if something upset him a lot, he cried. He normally minded, cared that people saw him crying. But with Abbey gone….He found he didn't care anymore.

**I know! I'm sorry to all of you who ended up liking Abbey, but how was there gonna be Jate without Abbey out of the way? I couldn't handle a break-up, and this was really the only other way…But now Kate can come back! To all of you who think this is becoming a Skate story, it is NOT!!! I hate Skate, and there will be lot and lots of Jate, and Jex, later on. I'm afraid that although these angsty chapters are unpleasant, they're necessary to the plot line. There's only a few more – six tops I promise. Oh, and about it being Sawyer's baby….well, wait and see. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed!!! Please keep them coming, and any comments or criticisms (constructive only please)!!!**


	24. To Make A Lie Work

To Make A Lie Work – Kate's POV

She'd come to love feeling him feed. At first it tickled, almost to the point where she burst out laughing as he rubbed his tiny nose around, trying to find the sweet baby milk that flowed from her. But he'd settled into a rhythm, and so had she. It was her favourite part of motherhood, the special connection they shared each time he was hungry.

He never seemed to notice their change in surroundings. He'd go to sleep in a cheap motel somewhere in the city, and wake up in her arms in the middle of nowhere and he never minded. He was probably too young to understand, but he never cried, or complained. He was the perfect baby – but she wasn't in the situation to appreciate that.

It had been hard running again at first. She'd all but forgotten everything she'd learnt, changing number plates, dying her hair, leaving in the middle of the night. The routine had been hard to pick up again, especially with a baby in tow, but she'd found it again, eventually.

She was sitting in her car in a parking lot in Chicago when she decided to call Sawyer. She still hadn't since that phone call to Jack last week. And it had been bothering her since then, like she was obliged to. She hadn't intended to at first, but it was Jack's last request of her and now she wanted to.

So she picked up the phone and called Sawyer.

But he wasn't there, or at least didn't pick up. The answering machine kicked in, and she felt relieved. It was harsh, telling him in a message, but it was so much easier than hearing his voice and having to explain.

"Sawer? Um, it's me. You know the paternity test? Well..." her voice caught in her throat. "I, uh, got the results. He's yours. But I don't really think it's a good idea if you see him, or me... I'm still on the run, so it's better if I stay away from you. So, uh, bye."

She wondered if her voice sounded shaky. It had to her. She supposed that he would put it down to stress or something; but she knew the truth.

She'd never been a good liar. That's why she always ran - couldn't face the truth, couldn't lie, and so she ran away. But she had to this time.

It was hard to lie to Jack to, but less so than Sawyer. Because it was necessary for Jack to be ignorant of Tom's parentage. Necessary, so he could move on like she knew he deserved. If he knew the truth...he'd want to play a part. He'd want her back, and him, and she couldn't face messing up what little life she'd left him with. So with that reassurance - that it was best - she'd been able to lie to Jack easily.

But Sawyer... ... she doubted he'd ever tell Jack, if she told him. And she felt that he, at least, needed to know. She'd put him through just as much as she had Jack. But while a lie would cushion and protect Jack, it would only hurt Sawyer more. She couldn't tell him the truth though - ever. Her concience came into play too much when she lied to both Sawyer and Jack. So to make this lie work, it had to be complete. For all of them. In time, she might even manage to convince herself that it was Sawyer's too. Maybe.

Because it takes two people to make a lie work: the one who tells it; and the one who believes it.

Kate was almost asleep when she heard the cars outside. It puzzled her – the cheap hotel she was staying in was basically in the middle of nowhere. Why were there so many cars outside? The tires continued to scratch on the gravel, so she got up and went over to the curtain.

She almost fainted when she pulled it back. Outside, were four police cars. They were five cops standing there, guns in hand, and when she listened closer she could hear arguments downstairs. Presumably the police trying to get up here.

One thought kept flashing through her head – they found her. They had finally found her. But she didn't care about how any more. And she didn't care about running away any more. There was no way she'd be able to escape, even if she ran. So she went over to where Tom was lying sleeping on the bed, cocooned in his blankets.

She picked him up and pressed him close to her. Bitter tears an down her face – they'd find her, and when they did, they'd take him away from her.

In defiance she lay down on the floor, cradling him and surrounding him with her body. They'd have to put a gun to her head before she'd give him up. Which they would, but she knew that there was nothing she could do.

She closed her eyes and breathed in; out. In; Out. In a little world of her own, she tried to distance herself from this situation. She didn't really care about herself, but she wanted Tom anywhere but there. With Jack – she wanted him with Jack.

Jack would take care of him. She thought she'd been doing the right thing by lying to Jack, distancing herself from him. But she'd put Tom's interests in hindsight. On the run with a criminal was no way for a child to grow up. Especially Jack's child – he didn't deserve that. And now, because of her mistake, he'd grow up in a foster home, probably on the other side of the country, never knowing who she was. Never knowing who Jack was.

The were heavy footfalls on the stairs, and then muffled whispers outside her room. She held Tom tighter to her.

And then the lock started clinking. Until, eventually, it undid and they burst into her tiny room. There was a click of a gun as they loaded it and pointed it at her head. But she didn't pay them any attention.

It was only when they tried to take Tom off her that she screamed, lashing out at them, fighting and fighting for her baby. But they got hold of him in the end, and he disappeared from the room, probably to the cars outside.

All the fight went out of her. But even when she being lead dormantly out the door, they still kept a gun trained at her head. They'd finally caught her – they weren't going to lose her ever again.

They shoved her in the back of a police van, locking the doors shut with a heavy clank.

But she still didn't notice anything. She was thinking of Tom. He as probably in the arms of a social worker, only metres from her but words apart. She didn't know if she'd ever see him again.

If only she could go back, change everything. She'd tell Jack, in an instant. And then everything would be different – Tom, if he was still called Tom, would be safe in a cot in Jack's house, and she'd be curled up in Jack's arms. He'd always wanted to protect her, she just hadn't let him before.

Well, if she ever got out of prison, if it wasn't too late, if he wasn't with someone else, she'd go back to him.

And hope to God he'd forgive her.

**Ok, PLEASE understand that this is the best thing for Jate! I have everything planned out, and in a few chapters Tom WILL be in a cot in Jack's house, and Kate WILL be in Jack's arms. Just bear with me. Please review!**


	25. Iron Bars and Orange Jumpsuits

Iron Bars and Orange Jumpsuits – Kate's POV

Prison wasn't so bad. At least, not as bad as society made out. It was boring, sure, but not unpleasant or uncomfortable in any way. She often mused that by the time she got out she'd hate the colour orange, the ridiculous jumpsuits they wore reason enough to hate it for life. And she'd grown frustrated with the iron bars that covered her window, knowing that they blocked her escape; blocked her from seeing her baby.

They'd trialled her immediately, within two weeks of her capture. Compared to the rest of the criminals waiting to go to court, she was royalty. They'd waited for her for so long, they wanted to get her behind bars before she even thought of running away again – not that that was possible.

The trial had been horrible, having to relive every moment of her life with Wayne in front of a sea of cold, unfeeling faces. Even when she was on the verge of tears she could see they felt nothing.

It was only when she talked about the rapes that she saw a few strong faces falter. They only felt for her when she told them how every afternoon - when she was still in her school uniform and her mum was at work - he came home and shoved her down on his bed, one dirty hand clamped tight around her mouth and the other up her skirt. And then the threats – he said he'd kill her if she ever told, all the while his leering face on top of hers; his old, hard body pressed against hers.

Every day; every day for four years until she turned eighteen and ran away.

But she was twenty-four when she killed him. And they wanted to know why.

FLASHBACK

She was standing on their familiar doorstep for the first time in years. Six years in fact – it was hard to believe it had been so long. All those years ago, she swore that she'd never return; and yet here she was. But she wanted to see her mother again, even briefly, before she ran away again.

Her mum wasn't home. Her car was missing from the driveway, but a light was on in the TV room. That could only mean Wayne.

She opened the door, and stepped inside. The house hadn't changed a bit, and she was surprised to find comfort in being home at long last.

He was asleep on the couch. There were a few beer bottles lying beside him, and the old TV flickered.

It was easier to run upstairs and throw herself on her old bed, screaming and crying into her pillow than stay there, with Wayne, for one more second. Even in sleep he terrified her, the same old face still menacing, those same hands still threatening.

She locked herself in the kitchen all day. When her mother came home late that night, she wanted to surprise her. So she was cooking, and generally just lingering, out of fear of going anywhere near Wayne. She was relieved when she heard the door slam around five, and then the growl of his truck starting up. So he'd be gone tonight – good.

But her mum still wasn't home by eight that night. She went out and sat on the porch, playing with a Zippo lighter and waiting for the car to pull into the drive. It was Wayne though, not her mum who pulled up in front of the house later.

He stumbled out of the car, drunk, and Kate was surprised to find her fear gone. Wayne wasn't anyone to be afraid of – he was just a drunk old man. He suddenly looked so frail, so helpless and so out-of-it that she helped him inside, and up to his bedroom. But even with this new found confidence she couldn't help but tremble at being in this room, with him, again.

He collapsed on the bed, basically already asleep, and she took off his shoes and socks.

"You're beautiful" he whispered. She just ignored him, refusing to let his familiar words affect her. That was what he used to say to her, over and over again, in her ear, until it fell into a rhythm with the squeak of the bed-springs and the flushes of pain in her body.

"Aren't you going to take my pants off first?"

Again she ignored him, wanting nothing more than to run out of this room, out of the house, and away…

He suddenly grabbed her arm.

"You are beautiful"

That same malicious look glinted in his eyes. She jerked her arm back, knowing exactly what he wanted, knowing exactly what he'd do if she didn't run away again.

"Good-night Wayne."

She ran downstairs and was about to fling open the front door when she realised something. Gas – the whole house smelled of gas. She must have left the cooker on while she was outside, unaware that the cooker hadn't been lit.

The zippo lighter in her hand, the smell of gas in her nose, Wayne upstairs…an idea suddenly sprang on her. Revenge – finally. A way to protect her mum, a way to give him exactly what he deserved for what he did to her, what he still might be doing to other girls. He didn't deserve to live; and she deserved to kill him…

She couldn't help but hesitate when she jumped on her motorbike – maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But she was all too aware that time was running out and she was not in the position to change her mind. The bike started up, and she was off, running away again before anyone ever knew she'd been there…

But this time, her departure was proclaimed with a big bang.

END OF FLASHBACK

They'd only given her a year, in the end, her charge not being murder but manslaughter on account of extreme provocation and anger. And then they'd taken six months off, because of the time spent on the island – which was, in effect, a prison – and because of her child, who needed her every bit as much as she needed him.

After the trial, she'd begged them to tell her where Tom was. And eventually, after much pleading, they'd told her; he was with his father.

**I know that Kate's sentence isn't exactly realistic, but I needed her to be able to get out soon so that she can come back to Jack and Tom. And yes, Tom is with Jack. I'll go into that in the next chapter, and I promise – the next chapter is the LAST angsty chapter!!! After that she's getting out of prison and going home to Jack and Tom, which means… JATE!!! And if I get a lot of reviews… Jex! Hehe, so get reviewing!!! Thank-you!!!**


	26. Fragile

Fragile – Jack's POV

A social worker was the last person he expected to turn up on his doorstep. And yet, here she was, with a solemn face and an armful of paperwork.

"Mr. Shepard?" He was bewildered. What the hell would a social worker want with him?

"Yes."

"May I come in?"

He stepped back immediately.

"Uh, sure."

He led her into the living room where she settled herself on the edge of the couch, paperwork still in a perfect pile on her arm.

"Did you know a Kate Austen?"

"Yes"

She nodded, expecting his answer.

"Were you aware that she had a child?"

He swallowed.

"Yes"

"Were you aware that it was yours?"

His?

"Mine? No, he's not mine, he's Sawyer's…" he felt his heart rate increase rapidly and his breath hitched in his throat. It wasn't his, it was Sawyer's… Kate had said so. What was this woman talking about?

The social worker was confused. Obviously, she had expected him to know everything, and was quite caught off guard that he didn't.

"Sawyer?"

"Uh, James Ford."

"Oh, yes. The one who took the paternity test?" He nodded and she rummaged through her papers, eventually pulling out a perfectly smooth sheet of paper. She passed it to him.

It was the paternity test results. And down the bottom, where it should have been positive next to Sawyer's name, there was a big red cross. Negative.

The social worker considered him for a second before pulling out another sheet of paper.

"Kate identified you as the father before her trial. But we had the state records checked anyw- "

"Trial?"

The woman looked up in surprise.

"You didn't know? She was caught a fortnight ago, and trialled yesterday."

"Oh."

Was that all he could say? Was that all he had to ask from this woman, who could give him all the answers he so desperately wanted.

"Her trial…what was she sentenced?"

"Six months. On account of manslaughter through extreme provocation. And we legally weren't allowed to pass judgement on where the child was to go until that was over. And seeing as her sentence is so short, we thought it better that he came to you, rather than a foster home until she returns. Miss Austen has been staying with you, yes?"

He was about to answer no when he suddenly thought: what if they took Tom away? If he and Kate weren't living together, then they would most likely take him away. Social services had planned everything around them being together, and his reputation as a doctor was probably their saving grace. A child was better off living with a rich successful doctor, even with a criminal for a mother, than in a foster home. And so he said yes. For Kate; and for him. This was his baby. And now he thought about it, he did want this child. More than anything, he wanted this baby.

The paperwork hadn't taken long to sort out, and when they were done Jack had driven back to social services to pick up the baby. He was sleeping in a cot in a large room, with about six other cots surrounding his. And yet, Jack had no trouble picking out his son. Instantly, there was a bond. Fragile; delicate. But strong.

He'd have to work at this; parenting; but when he held his little baby he knew he wanted nothing more than to work at this every day for the rest of his life. And, as he was happily reminded by a rather tired looking nurse, he could. This sleeping bundle in his arms was his.

She'd named him in the end then. Tom - he wasn't surprised. He knew about Tom, what had happened…he remembered holding her close to him while she cried into his chest; remembered telling her that it wasn't her fault, as she so strongly believed it was; remembered fixing her – in the end, she knew she wasn't at fault. He'd fixed that.

He called work the moment he got home, telling them nothing more than that he would be off all week. He needed time to sort things out. In fact, he would probably have to quite work, for the next six months.

The job that had been his life was so unimportant now, in comparison to his baby. Being a father – that was his life now. He wasn't sure how he'd manage, but he would. Sure, he'd need help at first. Claire and Charlie might be willing to come up and help him for a bit, now that the tour was ended and they were about to head back to England.

And Kate. He'd go visit her in prison, every day if he could. He'd take Tom with him, so she could see him. He'd make her love him again, so that when she was released she could come back and live with him. Them.

He knew that she'd be just as proud as he was; proud of this perfect little thing that they'd made together.

**Okay, rather than do the whole six months, I'm gonna skip ahead to Kate's release. I realised the other day that in this entire story, all 26 chapters of it so far, they've barely seen more than ten minutes of each other. Funny don't you think? It's WELL past the time when they should be together, so I'm bringing them back together again! And, after a few chapters of happy Jate parenting, I'm going to treat you with some Jex. But no more Jabies; not yet anyway. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you love the upcoming Jate stuff! Please review, you know I love them! By the way, is anyone else's alerts not working?**


	27. Homecoming

**Okay, I was watching Homecoming (Season 1) again the other day, and I just fell in love with it all over again. And it was so appropriate for this chapter! Because it's Kate's homecoming. This is the longest chapter I've written yet, it took me a few days to finish it! (I had a writer's block. Damned things!). I want to dedicate this chapter to Carlinha, for encouraging me so much and helping to get me writing again! I really appreciate it. This is the first of many Jate & Jaby fluffy chapters, so I hope you enjoy it! There's been enough angst in the beginning, so I doubt you'll see much more of that later on. Oh, and because I love all my reviewers so much, I have decided that the Jex scene isn't going to be just Jex…it's going to be hardcore NC-17 smut! I wanted to say thank you for all the reviews, they really do mean so much to me, and that's the best way I can think of! So, when it comes…enjoy! Wasn't the 4th eppy just so good? Jaters, we are back in the game!**

Homecoming – Kate's POV

He was waiting outside for her.

It felt so good to be standing there in her own clothes, outside the prison, tasting the fresh air on her lips, feeling the wind pick her hair up around her face. Finally; she was going back to Jack.

It had only been a year and a half since they were rescued… a year and a half since she and Jack had been together, and been happy. The space in between then and now seemed too short – so much had happened. Too much for a mere 18 months.

Jack was waiting in the foyer of the prison, Tom in his arms. He looked startled when she came out, as she was just as surprised to see him. She hadn't thought he'd be here.

It was hard to believe that she was allowed out. That she was allowed to walk out those doors. That in a few hours, she'd be in Jack's house, with Tom again…

The plan had been that she'd go to his place. Whether or not she'd stay long term was as of yet undecided. She felt like she was intruding on his life…maybe she'd get a place of her own in the end. But still, it would be nearby. She'd seen for herself the bond between Jack and their baby, and knew that she had no chance of running away again. She couldn't legally run now anyway; Tom was no longer an Austen but a Shepard. She'd seen the custody papers herself, when the court had finalised it. But there was no way that she could take Tom away now – Jack would die. And Tom wouldn't handle the separation well either.

She remembered one time, about four months ago, when they'd let her hold Tom. She'd pleaded, and pleaded, and yet when she held him, he started crying. No matter what she did, she couldn't shush him. And when she passed him back to Jack, he stopped crying almost immediately and fell asleep on Jack's shoulder. She'd burst into tears and returned to her cell, and didn't eat or sleep for the next two days. Her baby, her beautiful little Tom didn't remember her. He only knew Jack.

She was so scared of what would happen – back at Jack's place, she'd have to confront motherhood again. And, she'd have to deal with the unfinished business between her and Jack.

They were by no means together again - far from it. They were only going to live together because of Tom. But what they'd had on the island had come to an abrupt halt when they'd been rescued. It wasn't over for her. But after hearing about Abbey - about the accident - any thoughts of a reunion with Jack flew from her head. The way he looked when he told her what happened… he'd loved her. So, so much. He didn't have to say anything – she could tell. She realised that she had had no right to be jealous of Abbey. She'd left Jack, she could have returned to him – but she didn't. Jack had every right to find someone else.

Jack had proposed to her, on the island. One night, in the middle of the jungle, when they were lying on the lush green rainforest floor entwined in each other. He'd whispered it in her ear, his words tickling her neck. She had been pretending to sleep – had actually almost been asleep – but they both knew she wasn't. He waited for her to answer, but when she didn't and lay silent and trembling in his arms he had gotten up and changed. He lay down next to her again, but his clothes felt against her bare skin. There was now a barrier between them, and that was when the cracks began to show – they fought, they often avoided each other all day and they stopped meeting in the jungle at night. Only rarely, when she'd had a bad day for example, would she come and find him in his tent. And together they would slip down the beach under the cover of darkness, while everyone else was sleeping. But when those first few boats had been seen on the horizon, she'd sprinted to him and all but dragged him into the jungle. Those boats meant capture to her – prison - and she needed Jack one last time.

And in the height of her passion, she said. She wanted to marry him, and saying yes was the only way to make it real before they took her.

"I want to marry you…" the only words that she consciously said to him throughout the entire thing. And this time it was he who hadn't replied, because he knew as well as she that it would never happen now. It was too late.

The sudden flood of memories bewildered her. That last time… she could relive everything perfectly. The sounds, tastes, touches… she shuddered in anticipation. She wanted Jack again. Passion had reawoken inside of her, and if it wasn't for the baby in his arms and the guards all around she would have tackled him right there.

He carried Tom with ease now. At first when they'd come to visit her, she could tell how awkward Jack felt. But now, it seemed second nature to him. Expertly he strapped Tom into the car seat in the back, and then walked around and opened the door for her. Ever the gentleman, she thought as she slid into his slick black Mercedes.

"Nice car" He laughed.

"The hospital pays me too much. But it hardly practical when I have him with me." He smiled tenderly behind him at Tom, now asleep in the back. Kate's followed his gaze. Seeing him there, so close, she burst into tears.

"Kate! What's wrong?" he was desperately trying to alternate between driving and worrying over her. If she kept crying, they'd probably crash.

"What if he doesn't want me? What if I can't be a mother? He didn't want me before, he cried…"

"Hey. It's okay. Of course he'll want you Kate! You're his mother! You may have been away but nothing changes! He still loves you Kate!"

" But in the prison that time…"

"Kate, he was in a strange place. That was the first time he'd been close to you in almost two months, and you weren't the same as he remembered. He will now, just give it time Kate."

His comforting words gradually calmed her until she sat silently in her seat, staring at her lap and worrying about the next few days. Jack seemed to sense her unease, but he let it be. They reached his house relatively soon. While Jack busied himself with the baby, she sat and stared at it. This was it – this was where she'd be living for the foreseeable future.

"The hospital definitely pays you too much" she joked as she got out of the car. He looked up at her and smiled, and she smiled back, genuinely, and all of a sudden she felt so much better. What was she afraid of? This was Jack – Jack, who she knew better than almost anyone. Her earlier fears seemed so stupid now: everything would be fine.

Jack unlocked the door of his massive house, and disappeared inside with Tom still sleeping in his arms. She followed more cautiously, her small bag of belongings hanging limply beside her.

The house was even bigger inside then it looked from the outside. It was perfectly clean, besides the odd bottle lying around. She smiled at the bottle, almost laughing as she remembered the breast pump they'd given her in prison. After she kept leaking in her sleep, needing a new jumpsuit almost every morning they provided it for her. It was a great relief, but it made her miss Tom even more; this was their special thing. It became a comfort for her, whenever her breast were uncomfortably heavy and painful to put on the machine and pretend it was him sucking on her.

Her milk had stopped now.

The house, though elaborately furnished, seemed oddly empty. Even when Jack came down the stairs and stood in front of her, it seemed empty.

"Hey. You okay now?"

She nodded quickly. "Yeah"

He wasn't so sure, but reached out and took her bag.

"C'mon. He's asleep though, so be quiet."

She followed him up the stairs. There was a long hallway at the top, but Jack opened the first door, the one at the top of the stairs. He was about to walk in, but turned and instead nodded at the door across from hers.

"That's his. And the bathroom's down the end, next to my room."

"Okay"

The room was small, but in comparison to her prison cell it was big. Too big for her to take in at once. The fact that she was free – that no one was after her anymore – still hadn't quite hit home. Though filled with all sorts of furniture, and decorations, the room still seemed empty to her. Something was missing. Jack put her bag on the floor beside the plain wooden bed, and turned back to her. She was too busy thinking of the rusty piece of metal they called a bed in prison to notice he'd asked her a question.

"Sorry, what?"

He smiled.

"You were miles away then." Literally, she thought. "I said, do you want something to drink? Coffee?"

"Oh, um, no. Just water thanks. I think it might take me a while to get used to coffee again – it'll take me a while to get used to food again."

He looked amused.

"Didn't they feed you in prison?"

"Yeah, but the prison food can hardly be called food. I never kept much of it down."

She watched him look her over, taking in the previously tight clothes that no longer clung to her.

"Come on then, water it is." She once again followed him out the door, but couldn't help peeking into Tom's room. It was beautifully decorated, and filled with boxes of clothes and toys and so many things that he had never had with her. She'd been right – Tom deserved Jack. Jack would never leave him wanting for anything.

He was asleep in a blue cot on the far side of the room. A mobile twirled above him; four little Oceanic planes spinning in the light breeze from the window.

"I had to buy that when I saw it."

She jumped when she heard Jack's voice over her shoulder.

"The planes."

She smiled at him weakly and slipped under his arm. It unnerved her, being so close to Jack, so suddenly. She needed time.

He seemed a little off-put by her sudden flight, but ignored it and went back downstairs again. She followed him this time.

He poured two glasses of water and sat down across from her on the table, passing her one. She noticed that he didn't drink his, just turned it around in his hands, again and again – like the mobile spinning in the wind upstairs…

"Interesting day" It was more of a statement than a question, but silence sounded s awkward.

"Yeah" _Yeah._ Mentally she kicked herself for sounding so stupid. She'd just been released from prison, and all she had to say was _yeah._

"I'm not going back to work until next week. Is there anything in particular you want to do tomorrow?"

_Screw you, _she thought. Looking at him properly for the first time, she felt her heart leap familiarly. It was that little leap that it made every time he slipped his hand into hers beside the campfire, and slowly led her away into the jungle…It was too soon though. Too soon.

He was still staring at her. If she said she wanted to fly to China he probably would have taken her. One of the conditions of her release though, was that she couldn't leave the country for another six months. Effectively she was still imprisoned, but being here, no longer in the cramped confines of the prison she felt free.

"No, not really. I just want to… I want to sit with him for a bit."

He understood.

"So, uh, how exactly have you been working for the past six months?"

He laughed.

"I haven't."

They spent the rest of the evening talking, and finally sat down to watch TV, at Kate's request. She hadn't watched television in such a long time – not for half a year. Even soap operas, which she normally hated, were a welcome relief…

She hadn't quite realised she'd fallen asleep until she woke with her head in Jack's lap. Her eyes were still squeezed tight shut, too tired to bother trying to get up again. She felt Jack lift her head slowly and slip out from underneath her. The incessant noise coming from the television switched off, and then quiet. She thought he was gone. _Don't leave me_ she wanted to say. She was about to call out for him when he slipped his hands underneath her, one beneath her knees and the other beneath her back. He lifted her easily; she could feel his surprise at how light she was.

Her head bumped pleasantly against his chest as he carried her up the stairs, and her mouth twitched in a smile when he struggled with the door. In the end he bent down, tipping her forward slightly to reach the knob. She was about to put her arms around his neck for support when he stood up straight again; sliding her back to her comfortable position cradled against his chest.

He placed her slowly on the bed, but didn't immediately take his hands away from her. Instead, he slipped them around her front, resting one on her stomach while the other ran slowly up her arm. Were it not for her jumper he would have felt the goose-bumps rising there.

"Goodnight Kate" he whispered, and kissed her on the forehead. Still she kept her eyes closed, though surprised by the sudden contact. He pulled away, and she thought he was about to leave when she felt him lean in and kiss her softly on the lips. A little sigh escaped her, despite her best efforts to restrain it. He felt it, and she knew he was smiling as he stood and turned to leave the room.

She opened one eye just in time to see the door shutting, leaving the room bathed in the moonlight that came through the curtain.

It was the same room she'd seen earlier, only now, it didn't seem so empty.

**I just couldn't resist putting the mobile in there! You know the usual, please review! By the way, if anyone's interested, I've written a new fic, Lifeblood. It's not showing up on the Lost fic listings for some reason. It's very frustrating! Please read it, maybe even slip me a review (You know how much I love them!) if you're feeling generous. You can access it through my profile page. Thank you!!!**


	28. Mine, Again

Mine, Again – Kate's POV

Jack was at work. It was his first day back, and it was so strange to Kate to wake up and not hear him making coffee downstairs. He was always there, in the mornings, long before she woke. Sometimes he'd have Tom with him, sometimes not. Usually he was alone, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

But this morning; this morning he wasn't there. She'd forgotten that he'd be at work, and had crept around the house trying to find him. But his room was empty, the bed made and the curtains open. Jack's bedroom was considerably larger than the spare room she had. She hadn't seen it before, afraid of prying; afraid of what might happen if Jack found her there.

There had been tension in the air all week. They talked a lot, just like they used to. But never about them. Never about the island. Sometime Kate would bring up something to do with the island, a quote, or a comment, and she would watch his eyes darken with desire as some memory of them came back to him. And then it would be her turn, feeling herself grow unbearably hot when Jack was doing something incredibly chaste, such as unpacking the dishwasher – watching his back muscles ripple as he reached up to put a glass away reminded her of all the times she'd run her hands over them. Tension, can be relieved in many ways.

Sexual tension, can only be relieved in one way – Kate wasn't ready yet. Not yet.

* * *

That afternoon, about an hour before Jack was due home Kate went for a shower. He'd probably go for one, so she may as well take one now.

She'd just stepped out and slipped her pants on when she heard Tom crying. _Shit_. He'd been quiet all day, mostly asleep seeing as Jack had woken him early to feed him. This was what she'd been dreading all day – having to go to him. He'd reject her again, she knew. She'd tried to take it slow all week, only touching him when Jack was too, never being in the same room as him alone. She'd been watching a nature program the other night, about wild animals. If there was something wrong with a baby, a deformity or defect that affected its chances of survival, the mother rejected it – disowned it. The baby would then die, Nature's way of enforcing the 'Survival of the Fittest' rule.

But as she watched it, she thought about Tom. Maybe he knew...maybe there was something wrong with her; maybe she wasn't fit to be a mother. A small seed of doubt had been implanted in her, and it only grew when Jack was with Tom; playing the perfect father.

So when he started crying, she panicked. Timidly; as one might approach danger; she crept towards his room. She wasn't meant for this – this was Jack's job. She couldn't do it.

And yet she had to. Her hair was still soaking wet, and she could feel the water dripping off it onto the floor, splashing her heel slightly. All she was wearing was underwear and a towel. She herself was barely dry. Tom wouldn't like that – he wouldn't like being wet. She knew it, and her hands were shaking so badly that she feared she wouldn't be able to hold him.

But he fit quite comfortably into her arms. He was still crying, but less so. Perhaps she should do something. She rocked him, made soothing noises in his tiny little ear – just like Jack did. And every second he didn't stop crying was another blow to her already battered confidence. As an act of final desperation, she pressed a kiss to his head, leaving her lips there and breathing in his sweet baby smell.

And he stopped crying.

She sat down on a chair on the other side of the room. Her towel slipped onto the ground, and as she bent forward to pick it up, baby still in one arm, she felt his tiny mouth close around her.

Quickly she sat up, placing the towel in her lap and looking down at him in awe. He was sucking again, though no milk was coming. He didn't stop, and she didn't want him to – it was such a comfort, after so long. She sat back into the chair and watched him, his little hands placed firmly either side of her breast, pulling her towards him – like one would hold a bottle, she thought.

The armchair was soaked. It felt wet against her back, water still running off her from her shower. She really should get up now…

In amazement, she sat back. Because she felt that familiar trickle down at her breast, she felt Tom eagerly swallow it. She couldn't believe it – she was feeding him again.

* * *

She heard the door shut behind him.

"Kate? I'm back early." His footsteps echoed on the stairs, and she waited for the squeak she knew would come when he hit the top stair. It came, right before he opened the half-closed door.

"Kate…" his voice failed when he looked in the nursery and saw her sitting there, almost naked. Tom was at one breast, and her wet hair barely covered the other. Her towel covered most of her legs, but right on her hip he caught sight of a tiny bit of black lace. He swallowed; hard.

His silence was as she anticipated, but when she looked up at him she was surprised to see the shadow in his eyes. He was looking at her so intensely, so…desperately. But when she met his gaze, he softened. His eyes returned to their rich brown, and he leaned against the doorframe nonchalantly.

"He's feeding again" Her voice was a barely more than a whisper, but he heard it and smiled.

As if on cue, Tom pulled away from her, resting his head back on her arm and yawning. He was already falling asleep, his little eyelashes fluttering up and down as he struggled to stay awake.

But very soon he was curled against her, asleep. His fist was clenched, and it was in his mouth. He wasn't sucking on it per say, more like resting it there and breathing around it. She stood up and placed him on the cot, leaning over and caressing his cheek softly with her hand.

It was only when she stood up again that she realised Jack was still there. She had dropped her towel when she rose from the chair, and now she was on the other said of the room in only her tiny black pants. It didn't help that they were lace, and all but see through in broad daylight. She prayed to God that the musky afternoon light was not enough to render them transparent.

Her arms immediately went to cover herself when she swung around to face Jack. He was smirking slightly, and was running her eyes up and down her body. She'd lost weight since prison, but not too much – her bust was still full beneath her arms, and her ass was as round as ever in her pants. But her stomach, slightly curved since pregnancy was now washboard flat. Not muscular in the way it once had been, but flat through lack of food.

She blushed shamelessly. Quickly she crossed the room to where her towel was in a crumpled heap on the floor. Of course, she had to bend over so that her ass was to Jack, a sight he no doubt enjoyed.

When she'd arranged the towel around herself so that she looked halfway decent, she turned back to him. She didn't need a mirror to know she was bright red – her face was scorching hot.

"Jack" she didn't know what she hoped to achieve in saying his name, but the silence only made her embarrassment even more awkward.

"Kate"

"Do you mind?"

"No" he said, turning away. His voice floated up to her from the stairwell "Nothing I haven't seen before"

True. She had never been self-conscious in front of Jack before. He'd seen everything – and yet she felt the need to cover up. Perhaps it was the fact that he'd discovered her basically naked; last time he saw her like that, he'd undressed her. Perhaps it was the fact that they were no longer 'together' any more. Not in the sense that would justify him seeing her like that.

Her embarrassment slipped easily from her mind when her gaze fell on the sleeping baby. What had happened this afternoon was…indescribable. Her cheeks were still slightly damp with tears of joy, and she could feel her breast swelling again with milk.

Once again, Tom was hers.

**Needed to write some Jaby fluff, but I just HAD to add in the sexual tension. Not long now, until the BIG CHAPTER!!! Please review!**


	29. I've Missed You

**Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! I haven't been able to update for AGES cause I've been sick and then couldn't get on my computer for weeks! I was NOT best amused by the Skate sex, but I have to admit it was very sweet. Like I'd always thought it'd be really sort of, I dunno, _hot_, if you know what I mean. But it was actually, dare I say it…_romantic!!! _But things will fizzle out with Sawyer now though, right? Their relationship was mostly sexual tension, and now that's gone there's not really much substance between them. Oh well, can't wait for February! I decided to push the sex up a few chapters in this, because I was feeling very emotionally battered after the skex and needed a pick-me-up. And nothing like jex to do that, heh? I just want to say that updates won't be regular any more. I'm really busy right now and I'm very pre-occupied with some new stories of mine that are still pending, which I'll post soon. So I'm more likely to update weekly. Okay the usual; read, enjoy (hopefully) and please, PLEASE review!**

I've Missed You – Jack's POV

She was sitting on the sofa when he got home. Flicking through the TV channels, clearly bored.

Her face broke into a smile when she saw he was home, and she rushed over to greet him. It was only when she reached him that she remembered that they weren't on such close terms right now. To hide her embarrassment and put her outstretched arms somewhere, she grabbed his bag and set it down on the floor. Her chagrin was obvious to him – her fists were clenching and unclenching beside her, and her cheeks were bright red. He knew that she would be mentally beating herself up for making that mistake; what had been so natural to them not so long ago was now intensely awkward and almost forbidden. Although the sexual tension had been building between them for some time now, he couldn't bring himself to speak to her about it. About anything to do with the island really: it triggered too many memories.

"Hey"

"Um, hey…Tom's asleep, upstairs. He drifted off about an hour ago. I know I should've woken him up, but he was tired."

"I guess we'll be getting up at three in the morning then"

"Yeah, guess so. I'm looking forward to when he starts sleeping through the night."

"Me too. We might actually get some sleep for once."

He smiled at her, and already the awkwardness was dissipating. Maybe it was better to just forget the incident at the door; forget that she'd ever tried to hug him. They seemed to do a lot of that these days – forgetting.

"What you doing?"

"Oh, nothing much. There's nothing much on TV. I thought about calling Claire, but she seems pretty busy."

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind a call from you."

"I know, it's just…I can't bring myself to call her. I haven't contacted anyone since I got out, except for you; it's too…"

"Hard?"

"Yeah."

In a matter of seconds she was in his arms, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Jack…I can't, it's too much. No one… no one will want to talk to me anymore….I've just got out of prison for Christ sake! They hate me…" He was overwhelmed by the sudden flood of her emotions. She hadn't uttered a word about prison, and whenever he mentioned something she just shrugged it off with a smile. He had no idea that she had kept all this pain in, shut tight inside her.

"Hey, hey, Kate… they don't hate you. They understand, about prison, you should just talk to them. Claire; you two were close."

"She wouldn't care. No one cares about me."

"Tom cares. You're his mother, he loves you… … … I care." His words were little more than a whisper, and yet with the silence that followed you'd have thought he had shouted them. Her head turned against his neck, and he knew that in a few seconds she'd be looking at him. He closed his eyes, tightly, wishing he could block out the awkward confrontation that would assuredly follow.

Instead, he felt her soft lips brushing over his skin, shaking, but firm. He pushed his own against them as hard as he could, relishing the taste of her tears as they rolled down her cheeks and met at their lips. The bitter salty taste served as a reminder that this was all real – it wasn't one of the many dreams that had plagues him for the past few weeks. This was very, very real.

He picked her up and shoved her almost harshly against the wall. Her legs came up either side of him, gripping him tightly as he moved his hands up softly over her stomach, sliding over the smooth curve of her breasts and eventually coming to rest on her shoulders. She was supported only by the force with which they were pushing against each, product of an intense raw need.

Her lips never left his as he gripped her tightly and pulled away from the wall; they continued to massage and tease his own. It was hard to walk when she was wrapped around him, but somehow he managed to struggle to the stairs.

He couldn't carry her up the stairs – not when she made it impossible for him to move, let alone see his way up. As gently as he could he placed her on the bottom stair. She understood – quickly she ran up a few stairs, turning so that when he reached her he could push her against the wall again and kiss her neck. Perhaps it was the taste of her smooth skin that made him tilt his head up and capture her full, sweet mouth in his own; perhaps it was the feeling of her hands beneath his shirt, massaging his back in rhythmic circles. She giggled, but left his lips on hers and reached for his face. She held it between her hands, cupping his head toward her like one might cradle a baby. He pushed her harder against the wall so that she was standing flush against him, but this time it was she who pulled away, she who dragged him after her upstairs. Every few seconds she would stop to tease him, place feather-light kisses along his jaw and then run away again. It was thrilling, this game that she was playing with him.

It took them almost a minute to get up the stairs, and when they reached the top she was straight back in his arms again.

He barely noticed the long hallway, so wrapped up in Kate that he was. It was only when they were in his room that he noticed the change in their surroundings.

She quickly tore his shirt off, then placed hard, insistent kisses along his shoulder and neck while he tried to remove hers. God-damned buttons! In the end he just ripped her shirt and tossed it onto the floor. He looked into her eyes for reassurance, to see if she cared about the shirt.

She didn't.

Her arms slid around his shoulders and she jumped up so that her legs were wrapped tightly around his waist. He leant forward, just slightly, so that they fell gently on the bed; him on top of her.

She just grabbed his hands and pulled them to her jeans, her eyes silently begging him to remove them. He didn't have to rip anything this time – the moment the zip was undone they slid smoothly down her legs, his hands pulling them forcefully. He quickly chucked them off the bed, onto the growing pile of clothes. Her hands were fumbling with his fly, and he realised that it was difficult for her with him still laying on her. He raised himself up on his hands so the he hovered above her and she sighed in relief as his jeans undid. He kicked them off.

Kate pushed him gently on the chest, and he sat up, pulling her with him. Her eyes met his and he was surprised by the intensity of her gaze. Never, in all their times together, had she wanted him as much as she did right now. Her raw need was clearly visible in those beautiful green eyes; those eyes which he'd lost himself in too many times. This was no exception – he could feel the room blurring around him, until nothing was left but her.

One hand crept up her back and played with her bra clasp - not really undoing it, just fiddling with it – and the other gripped her chin softly and pulled her sweet lips onto his again. She melted into him, completely relaxing onto him and kissing him back. Her tongue flicked over his lips, teasing again, and then slid into his mouth. It ran along his upper lip, surprisingly erotic, and he felt himself harden in his pants.

Enough games. With a quick twist of his wrist he undid her bra, pulling it off and flinging it to the ground. He lowered her backwards, one hand behind her head until she was resting on the pillow. Her skin shone in the moonlight, and her eyes glistened and danced deliciously. She looked so beautiful, he could have watched her forever.

She had other ideas though. She slipped one arm around his neck and pulled him down on top of her. Surprised by her sudden movement, he was lost until his lips found hers again and his hand was resting snugly around the perfect curve of her hip.

He would have been content just to kiss her, but his body needed more. It yearned for her, now that he allowed it to remember her. He knew he'd never wanted any other woman but her.

His hands pulled at the flimsy strap of her pants, but he was distracted by a giggle in his ear. He pulled back and looked into her eyes, and she exploded into fits of laughter. He was confused.

"Sorry, sorry…" she wiped her eyes, "It's just that, last time we were like this, I couldn't stop complaining about how uncomfortable I was."

He smiled as the memory of their last night, on the beach, came back to him.

"You had sand in your pants." She nodded and laughed again. He laughed with her – looking back, it was funny.

"Remember what you promised?" He nodded again, and leant down to whisper in her ear.

"I promised that next time I'd get you a bed." She looked up at him, her eyes twinkling in delight.

"You did. You know, I never thought you would _actually _do it."

"Me neither. But if that was what it took to shut you up…" she swatted his arm playfully.

"Hey! Why'd you care so much?"

"I cared, because I had thought of better ways we could be spending our time." She bit her lip, trying to hide the smile behind it. Her eyes flashed at him wickedly, and her hand slid down to the waistband of his boxers.

"I'm uncomfortable."

He remembered how this one played out now.

"Why?"

"There's sand in my pants." An exaggerated 'oh' escaped him and he let an expression of mock surprise flick across his face.

"Let me help you get them off then." She was smiling with him, but the mood between them changed when he ran his hand down her hip, her leg, pulling her panties with it. It was all suddenly so serious, so intense; he half wished that they could return to the light-hearted play of before. His body suddenly froze with fear – what if this changed everything? What if this ruined the friendship they'd steadily built up again? What if she got pregnant again?

No. No more accidents. Hard as it was to break contact with her, he sat up and reached over to the drawer on his bedside table, pulling it open and fumbling around inside until his hand closed around the tiny packet. He withdrew it and her face flushed with understanding, and gratitude. She had certainly forgotten, and if he hadn't thought then they could easily make another mistake. Not that Tom was a mistake – he was perfect. He was just unplanned, and if they had had the time to think they wouldn't have had him. It was hard though, on the island, where the dwindling supplies of contraceptives were all either old or broken. Now that they were rescued, they couldn't afford another accident. Not now.

She pulled the packet off him and ripped it open while he slipped off his boxers. He leant in close to her, so that his lips brushed hers and she slipped the condom on him. Her hands pulled him down onto her, so that he was covering her completely.

She kissed him, again and again, waiting for him to enter her. He waited as long as he could, knowing she was working herself into a frenzy underneath him, until eventually her soft pleading in his ear won him over. She gasped as he slipped inside her in one quick movement, a tight and startling fit. He waited for her to adjust to him, and could feel her muscles contracting around him, pulling him deeper. She lifted her face up so that it was directly beneath his, her breathing ragged against his lips, and he took this to mean she was ready. Her mouth closed around a soft whimper of pleasure as he began to move in her, then louder as he pushed harder into her.

Finally, he was with her again. He was making love to her here, not on some god-forsaken island, and it was real. Kate…he was with Kate.

"Jack" her words were more of a breath than an exclamation, and they tickled his lips.

"Jack" she said again.

He waited until she was close, then slid his hand down and pushed his thumb against her clit. Her hard breaths against his shoulder suddenly stopped, and she shivered as her orgasm washed over her. He quickly followed, her arch of ecstasy beneath his hand enough. More than enough – it was heaven.

-

Kate was wrapped in his arms; head nestled contentedly against his chest. He was breathing in the sweet scent of her hair, the other hand tangled in her silky brown curls.

She was asleep.

He couldn't believe that finally, after almost two years, they were together again. It had seemed a long time, and yet, now it barely seemed any time at all. He'd changed a lot in those two years, as had she, but lying wrapped in each others arms he felt exactly the same as he had when he was last like this. He felt…complete.

"I've missed you" A stray curl brushed against his lips when he spoke.

She stirred next to him and he looked down to meet her raised face. She smiled and pushed her lip slowly against his.

"I love you" He'd known it long before now; those words had always lain between them unspoken, but real. It was different though, to hear them. No matter how many times he'd imagined it in his head, it was so much more perfect now. She was still looking at him sleepily, her eyes heavy, almost shut, and her lips curled in a lazy smile. He just tugged her closer and pushed his lips to hers. If he tried hard enough he could taste them too, those words.

Eventually she pulled away, her eyelashes fluttering over his cheek and lips as she relaxed back into the pillows. She was asleep again within minutes, and he found it increasingly difficult to watch her; unlike the hours he'd spent lying wide awake a year ago, he now felt pleasantly exhausted. Sleep came naturally now.

Because with her, it wasn't so hard any more.

-

Of all the times he'd hated work, he hated it the most now. It took all of his willpower to disentangle himself from her and get out of bed. He jumped into the shower and turned it on as hot as he could. He had to wash her off him, everything about her, so that he could concentrate.

He couldn't save someone's life when he was thinking about her.

She was still sleeping when he came out and dressed. Her hair was fanned out around her face, framing it like a halo. She looked so peaceful, so happy, that he didn't want to wake her. But she would probably prefer him to say goodbye. And it wasn't like him either, t leave without a word.

"Hey, Kate…wake up" Her eyebrows scrunched together as she woke, and her arm stretched out and almost hit him in the face. He took it quickly in his own and kissed it, first the top and then her soft, outstretched palm. She awoke with a giggle when he kissed each finger softly.

"Hey"

His smile faded. "I have to go to work. Sorry."

"S'okay. You'll be back this afternoon though, won't you?" It was adorable, the way her words were slurred together slightly, and the way her eyes still fluttered half-closed. She wasn't quite awake yet.

"Yeah. About 5"

"Okay"

She smiled at him and he bent and kissed her on the cheek. Her sigh tickled his cheek and he knew that he was already too late for work. He couldn't stay much longer.

"I love you"

"I love you too. See you later" She rolled over again and her bare back quickly settled into a slow, steady rhythm of in…out. In…out.

She was asleep.

He felt happy to leave her this time, because he knew now that she'd be here when he got back. A constant fear that he'd come home to find her and Tom gone had been buried in him since her release. But he needn't worry now. He knew she'd stay.

Because it was there, sleeping soundly amongst his tangled sheets, that she belonged.


	30. RockABye Baby

Rock-A-Bye Baby – Jack's POV

Tom was walking. Well, not really walking, but standing on two feet unsupported. He'd come home to find Kate sitting cross-legged on the floor in the living room, Tom standing right in front of her and clinging to a table leg. In silence he'd watched as Tom had let go, encouraged by Kate's gentling cooing, and then almost immediately fallen into her open arms where she smothered him in kisses. He'd never forget the expression on her face when Tom had looked up at her from where he'd buried himself in her arms – pure delight. Her eyes were dancing and her face was shining and every inch of her seemed to glow in pleasure.

She lay back on the floor and picked him up, holding him above her head and blowing raspberries on his bare stomach. He squealed at the noise, kicking his legs and wriggling in her arms. She lay him down on her stomach and looked down into his still smiling face – mouth wide and eyes crinkled in that adorable baby way of his.

It was only then that she noticed him.

"Jack!"

She sat up and transferred Tom to one arm, motioning for Jack to come over with the other. He went and knelt beside her.

"Hey"

"Watch this"

She placed Tom firmly back down beside that table, sliding back again until she was level with him again.

"Come on baby! Do it again for daddy." Daddy. He seemed to like that word, babbling 'da-da-da-da' over and over again as attempted to get up again. His little hands gripped the leg and his brow knotted in concentration as he started to pull himself up. It was almost comical, the way in which he set about this task with such determination. Jack was pleasantly surprised when he eventually stood up, his little legs shaking and his balance unsteady but his face broadcasting his accomplishment. He was so happy to have stood up that he let go, and promptly fell back down again. Deciding that the table wasn't the best means of achieving height, he crawled over to the couch and once again tried to get up.

Kate sidled over to him, looping her arm through his and kissing his cheek. He caught her head before she turned away again and kissed her lips, indulging himself before Tom once again caught her attention. She rested her head on his shoulder and they both watched as their son crawled and toddled about the room, standing only to fall again – he wasn't quite ready to walk yet.

* * *

He was cuddling Tom after dinner. It had been a while since it had just been the two of them, Kate having held him too much for Jack to really do anything. Dinner had been messy - Tom had started eating some solid food a few weeks ago and hadn't quite gotten his head around the idea of the food going into his mouth. Most of it had ended up on his face, or on the floor. When both the baby and the kitchen were sufficiently clean Kate had decided to call Claire for her birthday. The two had recently been reunited and had since been inseparable. He was glad that she had at least one friend again.

Tom was sleeping against his chest. Funny that his hair was still blonde – he had no doubt about Tom's parentage any more, but it still raised questions in him. Kate had said her mother was blonde, but it was in passing and he was finding it hard to recall that conversation. He was too afraid of seeming insecure to ask her about it, and so he let it slide. Maybe it was just one of those things.

He heard a click as she put the phone down and then the soft padding of her footsteps as she walked over to the couch where he sat. Her hands squeezed his shoulders as she bent to kiss his neck, and he could feel all the tension draining from him. Gently she tipped his head back so that he was looking up at her and bent to kiss his lips. Her nose bumped his chin and at first all he could think about was the awkward angle in which she had positioned him; completely at her mercy. But he soon forgot about everything – everything except the way in which her lips teased his, the way in which her teeth gently nipped his top lip.

His neck started to hurt. As slowly as he could he pulled away, bringing his arm up from beneath Tom to support the aching muscles. He was checking to see if he'd woken Tom when he felt her weight on the end of the couch, and then her hands creeping up his body as she crawled onto him; until she too was lying against his chest. She took Tom from him, bringing him close to her with one arm and using the other to pull Jack's arms around both of them. When she was content with her position she kissed the little hollow at the base of his throat and then turned so that her head rested there, her gaze down on the sleeping bundle in her arms. He watched as she gently laced her spare hand through his, pulling it up until it rested on top of hers on the blanket that Tom was wrapped in.

"I can't believe he's almost one. A month to go" Her whisper reverberated through the silence of the room.

"He's getting older, huh?"

"Mmm-hmm. Sadly. He was so cute when he was born…" she trailed off when she remembered that Jack hadn't known him then. He was already three months old when Jack saw him first.

"I saw a picture. Took it from Sawyer's that time, I couldn't resist…"

She smiled, but in the darkness he sensed rather than saw it.

"I thought one was missing."

"Sorry."

She snuggled deeper into his chest.

"Do you remember when we made him?"

"Yes"

He couldn't manage more than a word because his mind was suddenly filled with that beautiful memory. She too was silent in remembrance.

"It was so hard Jack; at first, knowing I was pregnant. That's why I went to Sawyer, I was so alone, but I was too afraid of what you'd say. I can't believe I didn't want him…"

Both of their gazes drifted to the sleeping baby in their arms.

"Next time we'll do it properly."

_Next time._ Her words struck something within him, and he was filled with an emotion he couldn't recognize. It seemed to disrupt the serenity of their current situation, making him tense uncomfortably.

"Next time?"

"Yeah"

He couldn't think of anything to say and so he answered in silence. The steady rhythm of her chest grew slower, her breaths deeper and her head slipped as she fell asleep.

He must have sat there for about half an hour, holding them both asleep in his arms, before he realised what that feeling was.

Dread.

**Trouble in paradise! Don't worry, I'm not ready to go back to angst yet. I'm just laying down the frame for some inevitable issues in the future. But I promise that nothing bad will happen for a while. I'm considering some jex next chapter, but it depends what mood I'm in and how much time I have to write it. And my time is very limited these days, sadly. But I'll try my best! And if I can't do jex, I'll try to do some more fluffy jate stuff, okay?**


	31. Shhhh

Shhhh – Kate's POV

"How is he?"

"He's asleep." Jack walked back over to where she lay on the bed. Tom had started waking up in the middle of the night again, and it was really tiring her. Now that she and Jack were sleeping in the same bed, Tom always seemed to disrupt them. She'd be just reaching for him under the covers when that small cry echoed up the hall and she'd be on her feet again; going to shush him.

They were actually in the spare room tonight, across from him – he'd be crying most of the afternoon and in the end it was preferable than spending all night walking back and forth from Jack's room to quiet him.

She rolled to face him, bringing her hands up to stroke his shoulders gently. He watched her, following the movements of her hands with his eyes but making no move to touch her himself. The look in his eyes was restrained.

"We can't Kate"

She ignored him, moving closer and pressing her lips against his throat. He swallowed, hard, especially when she trailed her fingers lightly down his stomach.

"Mmmm…why not?"

"We ran out of condoms Kate, a couple of days ago. You know that." Though he was denying her, trying his best to push her away she knew that he still wanted her; his mouth may be telling her he didn't need her, but his body was saying he did. His growing erection was pushing against her wrist, and she slid her hand down until it rested on the waistband of his pyjama bottoms.

"It doesn't matter."

"It _does_. We can't Kate. Please…stop" he grabbed her wrist and placed her hand down firmly on the bed between them. He flinched though, when his own hand brushed the bare skin of her hip. She could tell he was fighting an inner battle with himself, trying so hard to do what he thought was right when he wanted nothing more than to pull her close to him; let her hand slip beneath the flimsy material of his pants, let her kiss his neck, his jaw, his lips…

"No" He repeated when she sidled closer to him.

"Jack, please. What's the likelihood of anything happening anyway? And if it does…then it does."

He regarded her for a moment before rolling over and getting out of bed again.

"Where are you going?" He ignored her and kept walking. "Jack!"

"I'm going to check on Tom."

He left the room and she quickly got up to follow him, wrapping a sheet around herself. When she entered Tom's room she saw him standing by the cradle, his back to her. He was silent.

"Jack? What's wrong?" She was scared, suddenly, more than she'd ever been before. This wasn't like Jack. He never ignored her, and up until now had never refused her.

"It does matter Kate. If something happens… I don't want you to get pregnant."

Her hand froze, hanging in mid-air where she'd reached out to him. She lowered it back down to her side, and then crossed both arms over her chest nervously. She wanted another baby, and she couldn't understand why he didn't.

"Why not?"

"Because…I love you too much. You…Tom. I don't want to lose three of you."

"Jack, wha…what are you talking about?"

"You told me once that commitment scared you, that you'd always run away from it. What happens if…if there's another baby? What happens when you get scared and run away again? I _can't_ lose you Kate. Not again. How do I know that you just won't leave one day? What's keeping you here?"

He turned to face her, his eyes wet, shoulders shaking slightly in distress. She had no idea that he was worried… at _all_. About anything. He always seemed so calm to her; collected, able to face anything. She'd never seen beneath that. She'd never _thought _to look any deeper. And now that his insecurities had surfaced, a wall seemed to have come up between them. He looked…vulnerable. Hurt. She wanted to reach and hold him, and never ever let him go. A burning desire to protect him, to reassure him, filled her.

"_This_ is Jack! Us. You, me and Tom. I've never stayed anywhere before because I didn't have a reason to. Family never meant anything to me before. But now…"

She walked closer, taking his face in her hands and pressing her nose to his.

"I love you Jack. And I love Tom. And I'll love any more kids that we have. I don't want to run away any more. I want to stay – with you."

Shaking, she pressed her lips to his as hard as she could, as if her kiss could make every wall between them just disappear. She needed him to understand, to know that she wasn't going anywhere.

He pulled away and pressed his lips to her neck, kissing and nuzzling the skin there softly. Almost a minute passed before he looked back up at her.

"Kate, what if-"

"Shhhh"

A slow, sly smile spread across his face.

"You still want that baby?"

She laughed and then quite abruptly stopped, nodding her head and rubbing her cheek on his shoulder. He leant to kiss her, and his hands came up and gripped her thighs. She jumped up onto him, encircling him with her legs. He walked back to their room with her, slowly but steadily, and eventually she found herself lying on the bed.

Jack pulled the sheet from her, the material skimming her skin sensually as it slid from her and onto the floor. He took her in, completely naked, and then knelt over her, one leg either side. He leant forward onto his hands, and crept up her, kissing every part of her as he did – much like she had to him he other night. But this time she was shaking with anticipation, because she knew that he was going to make love to her.

-

The night passed in a blur or happiness. After, lying cuddled up next to Jack, she'd never felt more content in her life. He was stroking her back softly, trailing his hand up and down her smooth skin like he often did. Her head was resting on his chest, and she could hear his heartbeat. She'd never heard a sweeter sound in her life.

"You know what?"

"Mmm?"

"Tom hasn't cried once, all night."

She smiled and kissed him. She hadn't realised it before, but in actual fact, he hadn't. Tom hadn't made a sound. Not since she and Jack had returned to their room.

"Do you think we should check on him?"

"No" He pulled her head gently up to him and kissed her again. "He'll be okay."

Maybe Tom was just asleep. The thing is, he hadn't fallen asleep by this time for about a week. It was only 1:00 – he hadn't been quiet until 3 last night.

It'd be alright. Maybe he was just tired. And besides, she was too comfortable, too happy here in Jack's arms; Tom could wait. He'd be fine.

**Okay, I've resolved the new baby issue for you. But the thing is…I'm getting bored. I've thought of a really cool new plot line, and I want to introduce it. But it would only lead to more angst. It involves the Others. They can't play happy families forever, something has to happen. So what do you think? I don't really want to go down the have-another-baby-get-married road. At least not right now. I've read too many fics like that! But I feel like I need your permission, for some reason. I've put you all through so much angst, I don't know if you want anymore. So if you're feeling extra specially kind and decide to review, could you please just put a little mention and let me know what you think? About this new idea? I'm kind of stuck otherwise. Thank you! Oh, and once again, updates will still be widely spaced. At least a week apart, I'm so so so so sorry! If there was anything I could to get updates more regular, I would, but I can't…I'm so sorry:(**


	32. Wake Up

Wake Up – Kate's POV

"Wake up" his words tickled her eyes. Her eyes? She opened them, and found herself looking at his throat. He pressed his lips firmly against her forehead, then whispered again.

"Wake up"

She breathed out slightly, to let him know that she was awake, and then settled back down into the pillows and closed her eyes. She felt him move his hands up to encircle her, and then the movement of the sheet beneath her as he pulled her towards him. Silence ensued, until she cracked open her eyelids and found him looking at her, smiling.

"What?" She croaked. Her voice was raw, and drowsy. He laughed, and the movement of his chest beneath her head woke her up even more.

"You're really not a morning person are you?" She opened her eyes fully again, and looked up at him. He was blurring a little bit, at the edges of her vision; everything she saw shrouded in a sleepy haze. But his face was clear, and she tilted her head up to kiss him lightly on the chin. She wasn't quite awake enough to actually sit up and kiss him properly, and as his chin was the only thing she could reach, she had to be content with that.

The bed moved as he got out of it, and she groaned at the sudden change of position. By the time she rolled onto her back and stared open-eyed at the ceiling, he was downstairs.

Tom. Worry made her get out of bed and throw on her underwear, racing against the steadily growing panic inside her. Something was wrong, she knew it. He hadn't made a sound all night. She ran into his room, and over to the cot. Her breath caught in her throat and she had to steady herself against the side of the cradle when she saw him lying inside soundly, arms raised in the air at the little mobile above him.

She had been so convinced something was wrong, it was almost a shock to see him there. His little fist was clenched tight around the blanket, which he'd lifted above himself in one hand, the other stretching towards the tiny planes. The edge of the blanket was dangling in his face, but it seemed to amuse him; swinging the material back and forth as far as his tiny reach would allow. Trembling with relief she reached down and picked him up, pulling him close and holding him tightly. He gurgled and said something that sounded vaguely like 'mama', but it was more like incessant baby talk than actual words. None the less she held him tighter for it, and kissed his adorable little face all over. His nappy was full, so she changed it quickly and then lay him back down again. He'd be okay, for the time being. She'd get him up properly later. She wasn't quite done with Jack yet though. He'd probably return upstairs in a few minutes, so she went back into the spare room and collapsed amongst the heap of twisted sheets. She'd been so scared….but he was fine. There was nothing wrong – he was alright.

Sure enough, Jack came up in a few minutes with two coffees in his hands. He set one down on the bedside table and sat down next to her. She pulled herself into a sitting position and grabbed the cup, downing the caffeine appreciatively. He watched her in amusement as she drank nearly the whole thing, taking sips of his own that seemed tiny in comparison to hers.

She set the empty cup back down and lay back, her eyebrows knotted together and her hand fisted in her hair.

He put his coffee beside hers and lay down next to her, pulling her close.

"What's wrong?"

"No, nothing. I was just scared. I thought something was wrong, because he'd been so quiet all night, and…he's fine. I'm fine." His eyes were filled with doubt.

"Honestly! I'm fine."

"Okay, if you say so…" he rested his head against her collarbone.

"You know, you never said good morning to me." He raised his head again, and kissed her sweetly.

"Good morning" she smiled, and he kissed her again, repeatedly, whispering 'good morning' against her lips in between kisses. She laughed, pretending to push him away as he rolled on top of her.

"Jack, its morning" He kissed her neck fiercely, flicking his tongue across it. Despite her protests she brought her arms around his neck and pulled him tighter to her.

"So?"

"So we have to get up."

"No we don't. We can get up in a while."

"Mmmm, okay" She sighed as if in defeat, but they both knew what she'd wanted all along.

He slipped his hand down and tugged her pants slowly down to her knees. She kicked them off from there, and pushed herself against Jack, completely naked. She loved the feeling of his response pressing against her leg, and quickly pulled off his boxers. He was kissing her hard, passionately, his hand cupping her face and hers digging into his back – but as he slid into her, his fervour was replaced with tenderness.

He pulled back, just enough so that he could see her face, and stroked her with his hand as he ran it down her cheek to her breast. He cupped it his palm and kissed her sweetly on the lips, taking care to touch her lightly enough for goose-bumps to come up on her arm.

She decided she liked this. Slow, gentle sex. Early morning sex. It was peaceful, not rushed, and somehow even more passionate than last night. He really was making love to her – with the steady hand caressing her breast, with the soft touch of his lips and with the strong, yet gentle way he moved inside her. This was heaven.

She almost cried out in despair when it was over and he slipped out of her. She hugged him tight, trying to stop him leaving but he soothed her gently and wrapped her in a tight hug.

"We have to do that more often." He looked down at her, meeting her words with a smile.

"I know" It really was the most amazing sex she'd ever had. Never, had she felt more content, or complete…she never wanted to leave.

But she could only lie entangled with him for a few minutes. Reality caught up with them, and they had to get up. They changed slowly, wasting as much time as they could just basking in the moment. Jack went downstairs and once again she wandered over to Tom's room; not scared this time, happy.

But when she entered the room, she immediately felt something was wrong again. Tom's blanket was on the floor – on the floor, when she'd left it tucked around him. She rushed over to where he should have been laying to find…nothing. An empty cradle. She screamed and whirled around, her eyes searching the room frantically for him. Panic was rising in her and she could taste bile on the back of her throat. Where was he?!

Her gaze settled in shock on the figure that stepped out from behind the door. At once she recognized him – It was Ben. And he was here; in America, in their house, in Tom's room…and Tom was missing.

"Hello Kate. We need to talk."

**Okay, don't worry – Tom is safe and will come to no harm! But you won't see him for a few chapters. I had to have some jex before I brought some angst back in, but don't worry – there'll be plenty more ahead. Okay, please review!**


	33. Back Again

Back Again – Jack's POV

He dropped the phone and ran upstairs the moment he heard her scream. Why was she screaming? What happened? He was halfway up the stairs when he realised where the scream had come from - Tom's room. _Oh god_...

Kate was standing by the cradle, her hands gripping it so tightly her knuckles where white. But she wasn't looking into the cot – she was looking into the room. He pushed the ajar door ever so slightly and jumped when Ben revealed. Shock was quickly replaced by anger when he realised what was happening: Tom was gone, and Ben was here.

He crossed the room quickly and shoved Ben against the wall, his hands closing tight around his throat.

"What did you do with him?!" Despite his firm grip, Ben still remained calm. His voice was inaudible, and Jack loosened his hold a little.

"He's fine"

"Why did you take him?! Where the hell is he?!"

"I said he's fine Jack. And if you let me go, I'll explain" Jack levelled his eyes and met Ben's cool gaze. He wasn't worried at all that Jack's hands were pushing against his windpipe, choking him. It unnerved Jack, the fearless calm he saw there.

He let go and moved away from him. Ben crumpled to a heap on the floor at his sudden release. But Jack wasn't paying attention to him – Kate had thrown herself into his arms and was sobbing into his chest.

"Hey Kate, calm down…I'll sort this out, we'll get him back."

She nodded, but still cried hysterically into him. He kissed the crown of her head firmly, the sweet scent of her curls calming down his own racing heart.

Ben had stood up now, and was watching them with clinical eyes.

"What do you want?"

"We need you help"

"Why the hell would we help you?!"

"Because we have your son. And we won't give him back until you do as we ask."

Kate let go of him and threw herself across the room and to where Ben was standing, lashing out with her hands. She punched him desperately, but her swings were too miscalculated to actually hurt him. He stood there, receiving her blows until Jack pulled her away. She just pushed him away and ran out of the room. By the sound of the door closing and the sobs coming from behind it, he knew she was in the spare room. He turned back to Ben.

He tried his best to keep calm. This bastard had their son, and he wasn't going to give him back until they did what he wanted. He wasn't going to get anywhere by shouting at him, or punching him. They'd have to co-operate.

"What do you want?"

"We need your help. We need you to come back, for a while, and if you do as we say we'll give you your son back."

"Back? You mean _the island_?"

"Yes"

"But how… how are you even here? How did you get off?"

"We have contact with the outside world Jack, I've told you that before. We're able to leave any time we want. We _choose_ to stay there. We need you to come back."

"Why? What do we have to do?"

"We need your help with something."

"What?"

Ben shook his head.

"I can't tell you. Not yet. But if you want your son back, you'll come with us. Kate too. If everything goes well, you'll be back in a few weeks with Tom." Jack flinched.

"How do you know his name?!"

Ben just ignored him.

"A taxi will come tomorrow, at two. You and Kate can bring whatever you need, but only one bag. You won't require much. The taxi will bring you to an airport and we'll take you from there."

"Kate's not allowed out of the country, not for six months."

Ben just fixed with him with that icy gaze.

"If you want him back, you'll come. I'll see you tomorrow, Jack"

And with that Ben just walked out of the house. Jack didn't waste any time – he ran into the spare room and found Kate curled up in a ball on the bed. Her faced was tearstained and her eyes red, but she wasn't crying anymore. She was staring at the wall and biting into the sheet, almost as if she was biting back another bout of tears.

"Kate…"

"I heard."

He went over to her and lay down. She kept her back to him, and he felt her stiffen when he kissed her shoulder.

"He'll be okay Kate. They won't hurt him. We'll go, we'll do whatever they want, and then we'll come home. Everything will be fine."

She started to cry again and rolled into him.

"I want him back!" her voice was laced with pain, and it hurt him to hears her suffering. He stroked her hair and pulled her against his chest.

"I know Kate, shhh… I do to. We'll get him back. I'll get him, okay? I promise. I'll get him back."

_I'll get him back_.

He would get him back. But he just hoped he wasn't too late.

**Short chapter, sorry, but I'll update as soon as I can! Please review!!!**


	34. Sinking

Sinking – Kate's POV

The taxi had come, as Ben had said, exactly at two. Jack's had dumped their stuff in the back and climbed into the car next to her. And then the taxi had started to drive off, leaving her staring through the back window at Jack's shrinking house. No, not Jack's house. Their house.

The taxi took them to a private airport, and from there a plane took them to Fiji. And there they got on a boat – the same boat that Michael and Walt had left in – and then they headed off the island. The journey was long, and it had exhausted her, but she refused to rest as Jack told her to. It was almost midnight now, but she stood staring out to the sea, gripping the ice cold rail fiercely to keep herself upright. She waited, and waited, until finally she saw the peaks of those familiar mountains rising in the distance, over the curve of the horizon. They seemed even bigger than she remembered, bathes in moonlight and casting dark shadows across the ocean. Maybe it was just because she'd been away so long, that everything was out of proportion.

Even the island, when they were close enough to see all of it, seemed too big. It was terrifying, approaching it from the sea on a tiny boat. She'd never really seen it in its entirety, except for a glimpse from a rescue plane, but the effect was breathtaking.

Jack came up behind her and placed a hand lightly on her waist.

"I never thought we'd end up here again." He whispered into her ear.

"Me neither… … but it was difficult, leaving. It had just been so long since civilization…"

"Yeah"

They spent the rest of the journey in silence, watching and waiting as they pulled up beside the dock – the dock that they'd been held captive on, so long ago…

Ben was waiting for them on it. And there was a person standing beside him, bathed in shadow. They stepped forward, and Kate started. It was Juliet.

"Welcome"

She ignored him and stepped quickly off the boat. Jack kept close behind her, never taking his hand off her hip. She needed the reassurance, and his touch was comforting.

But the biggest comfort she found, was the sensation of sand beneath her as she left the dock. It was strange, after all this time – but it was a reminder of her time here, of the happiness shed had, the friends she'd made, the love she'd found.

The sand, under her; the rolling mountains, above her; the thick, lush jungle ahead – she'd come home.

* * *

She saw their village for the first time. The place where they, 'The Others', lived; and the place where they'd be staying for a while. At least Ben hadn't insulted them so much as to put them in a cage, like the last time she'd been here. They were in a house this time.

It was small, and yellow, and identical to every other house surrounding it. If it weren't for the grandeur of the cliffs around them, and the taste of salt on the sea breeze, and the palm trees that grew at random around the place, she could have been standing in any other American neighbourhood.

The house was nice enough, inside, simply furnished and pleasantly light and airy. But despite the comfort they would be staying in here, she longed for outside. For the roughly made campfires they'd had, the crude shelters, the harsh sand, the looming threat of danger… all of that was so much more familiar and reassuring to her than this unknown. She didn't know what they were doing here, what they were supposed to do, and no ornamental flowers or pine dining chairs could make her feel more at ease. However they were being treated, she couldn't deny the fear this place was supposed to strike in them. It was creepy, the civilisation that existed in this lost world. She missed the wild way in which they, the survivors from the plane, had lived. That was easy to fathom. But this – this was wrong.

The door shut with a click as Ben left. He'd been talking to Jack while she'd looked around the house. It had a bathroom, a kitchen, a living room, and a bedroom. A smaller version of their house, she tried to convince herself. But with a pang she realised that in their house, there was a nursery.

Jack found her sitting at the top of the stairs with her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees. He sat down beside her, and she was glad to collapse into his warm arms.

"He says he'll talk to us tomorrow. About what we have to do. So we have to wait, for now"

"Okay"

"Come on. Let's go to bed, you need to rest."

When she didn't answer he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. She sat silently on the bed while he rummaged around in their bag for her pyjamas. She still wouldn't move, even when he laid them beside her, so he undressed her himself. She let him slip her pyjamas on, and then crawled into the bed. She was tired.

He took his jeans and shirt off, and then lay down beside her in his boxers. Her back was to him, and though she knew that he knew she didn't want to talk, he pulled her to him.

"Jack…"

"Kate. It's okay, I know its weird being back here, but we'll get used to it. It's not for long, just a little while, and the we'll be going back with Tom."

At his name she gave a small cry and rolled around to press herself against Jack. His arms found their way around her back, and she crushed herself against him, as if she could crush the pain in her. She'd never wanted something so much as she wanted Tom back right then.

She pretended to fall asleep and waited until she knew Jack was before clambering out of the bed. Down the stairs, out of the door, out of the village she went, barefoot and in her light pyjamas, until she came to the sea. It was crashing against the shore, violent in a way it wasn't during in the day, and she felt unexpected relief at the vastness of it. The emptiness, with which she could grieve alone.

The tears started to flow, because she knew that somewhere, on this island, Tom was being kept. She couldn't help but despair. What if they weren't treating him right? What if they hurt him? What if…what if they never gave him back?

The sand felt cool beneath her feet, and the waves caused her pyjamas to stick wet against her leg. But still, she waded out until the water reaches up to her knees.

The anger, the pain, the tears…she lost them all in the steady slapping of the waves against her leg, and the gentle pull of the tide at her ankles.

She was sinking.

**Okay, I promise to resolve what Ben wants in the next chapter! And I don't intend them to spend very long on the island, maybe just a few more chapters. You know the drill, please review!**


	35. Three And A Half Months Gone

Three And A Half Months Gone – Jack's POV

"He's here."

He woke, disorientated, to Kate shaking him. She was already dressed, and looked tired.

"Ben, he's here. C'mon, get up."

He pulled himself out of bed and slid on his jeans.

"Did you even sleep?"

"A little." She handed him his shirt and he put it on.

"How long has he been here?"

"He just got here. Hurry up!"

She grabbed his hand and tugged him after her. Ben was waiting outside their door, and when Jack opened it he stepped in, followed by a teenage girl. Kate stiffened beside him, clenching his hand tightly. He would have looked around at her, but Ben held his gaze.

"Good morning Jack. This is Alex." He looked past Ben to the girl. She looked about sixteen or seventeen, and her eyes were red, as if she'd been crying. Her dark curly hair hung about her face, but he could just make out a bruise on her cheek. From what he could tell, someone had punched her. Hard.

She looked up at him and held her hand out to him uncertainly. He shook it, all the while wondering what she was doing here.

"Kate, why don't you take Alex into the kitchen and talk? I need to speak to Jack. Alex will tell you why she's here."

It wasn't a question, but an order. Kate reached out and carefully took Alex's hand. Jack watched them go, trying to delay the moment when he'd have to turn and face Ben.

"Jack." Reluctantly, he turned around. "Should we step outside?"

He nodded and they walked some way from the house. Abruptly he turned and grabbed Ben's shoulder. Anger surged through him.

"What are we doing here? What the hell do you want from us?"

Ben remained cool as ever.

"Alex. She needs surgery."

"Surgery? You told me you had contact with the outside world! Can't you get it done there?"

"To get it done in a hospital Jack, we'd need some kind of ID. And there'd be a record. To the outside world, we don't exist. That's why we need you - you're the only surgeon who can do this for us."

"What surgery?"

"An abortion."

"What?! You want me to do an abortion on her?"

"Yes."

"No. No, I won't. I can't do abortions, I don't agree with them. I won't do it."

"You will. Otherwise, you'll never get your little boy back."

"You bastard!" Jack punched him. He didn't say anything, merely stumbled and then righted himself again, holding him slightly blood jaw.

"Calm down. I'll give you some time to think about this. She's three and a half months gone, and this needs to be done soon."

"Why? Why does she need an abortion?"

"Because the father's dead. Because she's not allowed to have a baby." He stepped closer. "And because if she does, the rest of them will take it. They'll take the baby, and they'll use it for their experiments. Juliet and…her crew."

Jack remained silent, his eyes fixed on Ben's looming face.

"An eye for an eye Jack. Your baby, for hers. Think about it; I'll be back to talk to you in a few days."

Ben walked away, leaving him standing there. He looked around, at the delicate yellow houses, at the people buzzing around – it seemed so normal. But it was far from normal. The sun was shining brightly above him, but everything looked dark to Jack. It was as if a shadow had been cast over the day. He would have to kill a baby to get Tom back…and he couldn't do it. But the thought of Kate, crying herself to sleep in his arms the night before, came back to him. He couldn't do it – but he couldn't lose Tom. He was caught.

Sighing, he turned around just in time to see Ben grab Alex's arm harshly and pull out of their doorway and down the path. Kate was standing there, watching them go. She looked over at him, and he could see that she was worried. Even from this distance, he could see the sadness in her eyes, the furrow of her brow, the frown on her lips. She stood with her arms wrapped around herself, and suddenly Jack wished he was wrapped in them. She could make him feel better, if only for a while.

He walked over and stood beside her. She sighed, and turning, went into the house with him.

"She told you?"

"Yes. Poor girl…What did Ben say to you?"

"Only that he wanted me to do an abortion on her. And that I was the only one who could do it, because they couldn't get it done in the real world. She's nearly four months gone."

Kate nodded and leant into him.

"Alex…did you know her? You seemed to, before." She looked up at him.

"Yeah. She spoke to me, when we were here before. Asked me where they were keeping us, and where I got my dress from."

"You were wearing a dress?" He seemed surprised.

"They made me. It was hers, Alex's."

"Kate, I can't do it. But if I don't we won't get Tom back." She looked up at him sadly.

"I know." She stood up on her tip-toes and kissed his forehead. "It'll be okay Jack. We'll find a way out of this."

She always had a way of making him feel like everything was fine, even if it wasn't. Relieved, he bent down and kissed her on the lips. She kissed him back, eagerly, and he soon found one of her legs sliding between his. She nudged him with her knee, and he picked her up. She hesitated, and he knew what was running through her mind: _is this right? Shouldn't we be thinking about what to do? What about Tom?_

He was thinking the same things, but right then he didn't care. He needed a body to lose himself in, something to make him forget. He needed her.

**OMG I haven't update in soooooooooooo long!!! I was sick for a week, and I wasn't allowed out of my bed (god-damned mother!), and then when I was better, I found a new ship! I saw Superman Returns with a friend, and I fell in love with Clois! They are just so adorable…and now I feel bad, because I sidelined Jate to write Clois for a bit. But I've straightened out my priorities! I'm gonna divide my time equally between Jate and Clois. Somehow I doubt it'll end up like that, coz I usually write when I feel like it, but I'll try! Please review!!!**


	36. Midnight

Midnight – Jack's POV

She always looked so beautiful in her sleep. There she was, lying in his arms on the couch, looking untroubled for the first time in days. It eased his heart to know that in her dreams, at least, she was at peace. Her warm naked body was wrapped around his, and her hair was spread over them like a blanket. He breathed in the sweet scent of her soft curls and pressed a kiss lightly against the crown of her head.

She stirred slightly, and tentatively stretched her hand out to touch his chest. He took her hand in his and whispered in her ear, 'Sleep…'

But she woke. Her eyes softened when they fixed on his face, and he smiled at her. She smiled back, and kissed his collarbone. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he felt the tickle of her breath on his arm.

"What time is it?"

"Late, I don't know exactly. Probably about midnight."

"Mmmm." She sighed happily. "I think we both needed that."

"Yeah, me too."

"Wha—"

A soft tapping on the front door silenced her. She sat up abruptly, pulling the blanket close to her chest. The tapping came again, a little more urgent this time, and Kate slid off him and wrapped the blanket around herself. Jack sat up and put his boxers on, and quickly followed her to where she was standing by the door.

Her hand was resting on the handle, but she hesitated open it.

Someone knocked again.

"Hello?" Kate's voice was shaky, and he reached for her hand.

"…it's Alex."

"Alex!"

"Quick let me in, I need to talk to you. No one can see me!"

She hurried to undo the lock and Alex fell through the doorway, catching herself before she lost balance. Kate shut the door behind her, and turned to face the young girl.

She looked worse than she had earlier, her hair hanging in limp curls around her pretty face, a new bruise coming up on her shoulder – he felt sorry for her. He was almost certain that Ben had done this to her – the bruises – and his hate for the man doubled, if that was possible.

"I'm sorry to barge in like this, it's late…" she noticed their somewhat undressed state, "Oh! Oh I'm so sorry did I interrupt something? Oh God, I'm so so sorry!"

"No, it's fine, we were just sleeping. Do you want a drink or something?"

"Uh, a water would be nice thanks. I've been running around all day, trying to find out some stuff. Look, I found someone who can help us!"

"Us?" Kate had gone into the kitchen and Jack was left standing there, feeling uncomfortable in just his boxers. But the 'us' has unsettled him more.

"Yeah, us. You, Kate and me. I can get your son back!"

There was a smashing sound and he whipped his head around to see Kate staring at Alex, shards of glass glittering around her feet. But she didn't seem to notice.

"Tom? You can get him back?"

"Yes! And I don't have to have the…the thing either." Her eyes hardened and she wrapped an arm protectively around her stomach. When she spoke, her voice was filled with venom. "I _won't _let anyone touch my baby."

"Alex, I wasn't going to do the operation anyway. I couldn't do that, not if you weren't willing. But thank you, for this. How will you get him back though?"

"I know where he is. I can steal the key and get into the room, and then we can escape to the docks. I have a friend who is willing to help – don't worry we can trust him – and then we can go! Back to the real world. Well, not back for me. I've never been there before. But I want to go, I can't stay here. Ben won't let me keep it."

"So…we're escaping on a boat? The same one that brought us here?"

"Yes. And when we reach the mainland, wherever that is, you guys can go home." She blushed. "Actually, I was wondering if I could stay with you, for a while. I don't have anywhere to go, and I…I don't know what I'm going to do really. I would go to college or something, but I'll have the baby…" Tears brimmed in her eyes.

Kate stepped out of the circle of broken glass and rushed to hug Alex.

"Of course you can stay with us! Do you think we'd let you wander around on your own after you'd rescued us? And with a baby! Look, stay with us, for as long as you need. I'll help you with the baby, it'll be okay. We just have to get off this island first."

Jack felt out of place here, standing and watching the two women hug and cry. He didn't mind Alex staying, but he was worried that if she was with them Ben would find them again. Find them and disrupt their lives again. He wanted to help, but having her live with them would be a constant reminder of the horror he'd tried to forget. The Others.

But Alex, right now, just looked like a lost girl. She barely even looked old enough to be having a baby, let alone running away and raising one. But if that's what she wanted to do, he'd help her. Because Kate wanted him to.

And because this was the only way he could think of getting Tom back without giving in to Ben.

**Ok, sorry this has been so long coming (again). And I'm afraid I have some bad news too. I'm having some problems, at home, with my mum mostly, and she's always confiscating my laptop. And I'm finding more and more that when I'm unable to update, I get stressed out and angry and upset...I just think it's best if I stop for a while. I don't think it's healthy for me to get so affected by this, and it's also affecting my writing too. I have blocks all the time, and I'm very often reluctant to write. I just need a 'holiday'. So please forgive me, but this is the last I'll be writing for a while. At least a month, I think. Again, I'm sorry. But in the long run, I think its better. Oh, and please review! (I still love them, no matter what!)**


	37. In The Morning

In The Morning - Alex's POV

"So…when exactly are we going to do this?"

Jack was still wary of her. He'd stood back the whole time, and just watched while Kate fussed and cried over her.

"Well, whenever you want. But the sooner we go, the better. I was thinking tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I told you, I have everything planned. Just say the word."

Kate glared back at Jack, then whipped her head back around again, hoping she wouldn't notice. But she did.

"Tomorrow's fine. I don't want to spend any more time here than I have to. And neither does Jack."

"Okay then. I'll come and get you sometime in the morning, early I think. I'll take you down to the docks, with Tom, and my friend should be there with the boat." She sighed "And then we can go.

"Get some sleep okay? I'll see you in…about six hours."

She turned to go but Kate caught her arm.

"Thank you…I just—thank you."

She smiled and gently freed herself.

"You're welcome. I really have to go now."

Kate nodded and opened the door, and she slipped outside.

Instead of walking away once the door had closed behind her she crouched down outside of it, ear pressed to the wood. They were arguing.

"…she was offering to help us! And you were so rude…"

"… …I'm sorry, okay?"

"You should be."

"…how do we know we can trust her though? She's Ben's daughter for Christ's sake! She could be working for him…no Kate, don't go I'm sorry."

"…off me! Jack, please."

"Shhh, I'm sorry okay…don't be mad."

And then quiet.

Her best guess was that he was hugging Kate. Like Kevin would do after they'd had an argument.

But he was dead, she had to remember, dead – he wasn't coming back, no matter how much she wanted him to, no matter how much she cried for him. She gently laid a hand on her stomach, and felt a curve there that hadn't been there before. Kevin's baby was growing.

It was late. And if Ben noticed she was gone…she had to go.

She slunk across their 'village', dodging behind trees in case any one looking out into the cold halflight of the night might see her. She'd read in books about how, in the real world, the night sky was completely black. She longed for it sometimes, rather than this mocking artificial glow that enveloped their homes. A security measure, again. The light couldn't be seen from outside, but it was just enough for those within to see around – and out. She still wasn't quite sure where it came from. Whenever she asked Ben about it he just smiled at her and told her that she was too young to worry about that.

Too young. She'd always been too young for him. Seventeen, and still a girl to him. She could almost understand why he'd lost his temper at her over Kevin. And now, over the baby. She loved him, somewhere in the recesses of her heart beneath all the resentment that currently filled her.

For as long as she could remember she'd been his daughter. He'd been her father, and his late wife her mother. She'd died some ten years ago, and then there was just Ben. Left to raise her on his own. But ever since she'd been about seven she'd known she wasn't his real daughter. Her mother, Danielle…she'd spent three whole weeks following her through the jungle when she was about sixteen. It fascinated her, watching this stranger eat and hunt and move about. A living breathing person. Her mother.

She arrived back at Ben's house, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the window still open and the lights to Ben's room out. The curtains billowed outwards from her room, and she got entangled in them as she climbed through the window. Cursing, she landed on the floor with a thump. Her heart was racing, and at any minute she expected to hear the flick of his light switch and the thump of his footsteps along the corridor.

But nothing. Silence. After lying rigid on the floor for about two minutes, barely daring to breathe, she got up and quietly took off her shoes. And then, exhausted and fully clothed she crept into bed.

But sleep wouldn't come. She waited and waited, and then realised that her head was too cluttered with thoughts of what was to come. Escape…freedom…life. A child.

She slid her hand over her stomach, laying the palm flat over her belly button. The heat surprised her. It was a nice heat, a comfortable one. A familiar one.

_My baby._

**Ok, I am coming back from my hiatus! I'm still a bit…off, so updates won't exactly be systematic, but I will try my utmost to update every weekend when I'm home from boarding school. In fact, because it will only be weekend-ly, I'm going to update a few chapters every weekend. fingers crossed**

**I just wanted to explore Alex's back story a little more. She's so mysterious in the show, don't you think? And she and Kevin are so sweet together! I've decided that they're my second favourite ship on Lost. This wasn't a very jatey chapter, but Alex's story needed telling and that wasn't gonna happen from Jack or Kate's POV. But when they escape I promise I'll add some more in. I might even be a bit deliberately-heavy-handed with the the Jate-shaker and tip too much in…what do you think?**


	38. Escape

Escape – Kate's POV

"We should probably get some sleep."

"Mmmm." He got up from the couch where they'd been sitting together, talking, but she made no move to follow him. She was lost in thought.

"Kate?"

She looked up at him, and smiled. And then, when he crouched down beside her again, concerned, she smiled even wider.

"How long has it been?"

He was still confused. "What?"

She stood up, and he followed her. She stepped closer and pressed her lips against his cheek, and slid her hand down to his belt. He swallowed hard, and she whispered in his ear, "The jungle."

He pulled back and looked at her, quickly pushing her hands away.

"Are you mad? Alex said this placed is heavily watched, we couldn't just walk out!"

"We could sneak out. C'mon, for old time's sake…we're not ever going to be here again. It's our last opportunity."

He still looked apprehensive.

"Don't you ever miss it? It's not the same, back home. Being there, amongst all the leaves and trees, listening to all the wonderful sounds, the quiet. Just us, all alone in the jungle…" she slid her hands back to his belt, and saw his eyes flutter closed. "…naked."

His eyes flew open again and he grabbed her hand. He opened the door, taking care to shut it quietly. It was dark enough to not be seen, if they were careful. She searched for the nearest tree line and saw it, some 30 metres behind 'their' house. There was very little cover. She felt a surge of excitement flush through her. She'd hid from many things in her time, but she had never tried to evade violent islanders with electric taser guns while trying to sneak off for wild jungle sex. She could feel him trembling with excitement too. He grabbed her hand and then suddenly they were running, away from the little 'village' and into the dense jungle. As quietly as they could they crept through the trees, until they came to a cleared area, where the trees weren't so dense and there was a little place with leaves all over the ground.

She threw herself on Jack, and he kissed her back just as fervently. They were tearing at each other's clothes, throwing them into a heap on the ground which Jack pushed her back onto a few seconds later. It was so wonderful, to be back here again – amongst the trees, with the moon overhead and the sweet fresh smell of the plants all around.

It was all over so quickly – too quickly. But none the less it was amazing. A blur of passion that sprung from the stress of today…this island. This place.

Jack kissed her cheek and she felt the thin film of sweat on his forehead. It was on hers too, and all over her body. Both their bodies. He rolled onto his back and pulled her with him, so that she was lying beside him and he had both arms around her.

"You're perfect." He whispered into her ear.

"So are you." She tilted her head back and kisses him sweetly on the mouth. He sighed and looked up at the starry sky.

"You're right – I do miss that. Was it as good as before?"

"Better."

"I might have to agree with you on that."

They lay on the jungle floor, pressed close, for just a few more minutes.

"We should go now, I'm tired."

She wasn't, really, but she was content laying there. They had to go though; she couldn't bear imagining them falling asleep and being discovered – still naked – the next day.

Sighing she scrambled out of his arms and dutifully pulled on her knickers and bra. He put on his boxers and picked up her shirt, by accident. He made no move to put it down and she stepped closer to him and lifted up her arms. Slowly, he pulled it over her head and then she picked up his shirt, the same colour as hers and easily mistakable in the half light. They dressed each other, and then unwillingly wandered back between the trees. Neither of them wanted to leave, but they knew they had to. Incredibly happy, and satisfied, they walked back to the house hand in hand.

* * *

There wasn't much point trying to sleep. She knew it wouldn't come, anyway. Jack was lying with his back to her, and her arm pulled underneath him, around his chest. Her other arm was draped around his waist, and he held her two hands snugly against his stomach. 

She was comfortable like that, with her head resting against his warm back. She could almost hear his heartbeat, even through his shirt. He was sleeping – the steady rise and fall of his chest was evidence enough. And she knew that if he was awake, he would be tensed with worry. It was nice, seeing him relaxed; even for a little while.

She guessed it was about 4am, give or take. But she couldn't sleep. As slowly as she could, she disentangled herself from Jack and quietly crept out of bed. He was still asleep, thankfully, and hadn't been disturbed by her leaving.

She went down the stairs and sat on one of the couches there, looking around the dark room. She could see well enough, from the dim light that was filtering in. The sun would probably rise in around an hour and half. That means Alex would come…and they'd be going. Finally. Sighing, she settled back down in the sofa and waited for the time to pass. She didn't notice that the couch was getting comfier, and her eyelids were drooping, and her head was tilting ever so slightly to the side…

A knock woke her. She jumped up, alarmed, until she realised that it was only Alex and quietly opened the door. The girl smiled at her, and quickly pushed past into the house. Immediately she shut the door, wary of who could be watching.

"You ready?"

"I just have to go and wake up Jack."

Alex nodded and started searching in her bag for something. Kate turned and went upstairs, into the bedroom where Jack was still asleep.

Whatever he was dreaming about, he seemed happy. Perhaps their little rendezvous in the jungle earlier. She smiled and crawled over to him, until her mouth was brushing his ear.

"Jack, we gotta go. Alex is here now." He woke, and twisted his head so that he could see her.

"Now?"

"Yeah. She's downstairs. Hurry!" She clambered off him and he sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his head.

"It's too early." He grumbled and followed her downstairs.

She laughed. "I thought I was the one who wasn't a morning person."

He looked past her into the still dark living room.

"I don't really think you could call this morning."

Alex looked up nervously and relaxed when she saw them coming down the stairs. There was a walkie-talkie in her hand, and she was holding it tightly.

"My friend says he's ready to go with the boat. So we're gonna have to be really quick, before someone wakes up."

"Ok, let's go then."

Alex opened the door and slipped outside, and they followed her. She ran into the jungle, away from camp, and soon they were lost amongst the foliage. Jack looked over at her and smiled, and she knew that he was thinking about when they'd last been in the jungle, a few hours before. She was too.

"I took your bags while you were sleeping, I hope you don't mind. My friend helped. It would just be easier if they were already in the boat."

Kate was surprised that Alex hadn't woken her: the bags were at the bottom of the stairs, right beside the chair where she'd fallen asleep. She looked at Alex, puzzled, and the girl smiled.

"I've learnt how to be really quiet."

True, the girl barely made a sound as they crept through the jungle. Kate could see the sun starting to rise in the sky when Alex finally stopped.

"Here we are."

She looked around. There was something familiar about this place, something she couldn't quite place…Alex reached down and pulled away a tarp and some leaves, to reveal a hatch door.

She remembered now – the hatch that Claire had visited to get vaccine for the baby, so long ago. This was it.

They went inside, and Alex grabbed a gun off the walls. There was a box on the floor, and she sifted around inside and finally produced two little blue objects.

"What's that?"

"Tranquilisers." She held them up, and Kate took one from her. It was a tiny thing, a little glass tube filled with some blue liquid. There was a spike on the end, and grooves where it would fit into the gun. They heard a noise and Alex quickly snatched them from her and loaded the gun.

They saw a woman walk out of a room, wearing a lab coat, and she whistled as she walked down the hall. Away from them, thankfully. Alex took no chances though – she shot the woman in the back of the neck and she collapsed on the floor.

Kate was stunned, and from the way Jack was gripping her hand she knew he was too. But Alex, unfazed, walked over and turned the woman onto her back.

"Sarah." Jack flinched beside her. "C'mon, nothing to worry about. I didn't want to risk her turning around though. I think she was in with him just then."

Alex walked into the room which the woman had come from, and they followed her. And sure enough, it was a nursery.

"This was for Claire's baby…but she got away."

A small cry came from a cot on the other side of the room. Kate rushed over to it.

"Tom!"

He was lying there, arms outstretched for her, a wail coming from his mouth. She scooped him up into her arms and smothered him with kisses, and turned back to Jack.

There were tears in his eyes, and he came over to them slowly.

"Hey little guy." He kissed Tom's soft head, downy with baby hair, and put his arm around Kate.

"I hate to interrupt, but we really have to…"

She nodded. "Let's go."

The boat was waiting for them at a dock at the beach – the same dock they'd arrived at.

A young man was waiting for them beside the boat, looking around nervously. When he saw them he rushed over.

"Alex! I thought you weren't coming!"

"Jack, Kate, this is Kenny. He's Karl's brother, he's helping us escape."

"Alex!"

"Right, okay get in."

They jumped in the boat, Jack and Kate in the back and Alex and Kenny in the front.

They were pulling away from the dock when a figure came running out of the jungle. As it came closer they saw it was Ben.

He was shouting, but he was, thankfully, alone.

"Quick! Go!"

"Alex wait!"

They were about two metres from the dock when Ben reached the end. He barely hesitated and jumped into the water. He surfaced beside the boat, panting and struggling to keep afloat.

"Alex." He said, softer now.

He put a hand out to her, and slowly, she took it.

"Dad."

"Why are you leaving me?"

"I have to. You know that."

"But what will you do there? Where will you stay? How will you take care of the baby?" His voice broke on the last part.

"I don't know…I'll manage somehow. Please, dad, you have to let me go."

He didn't answer.

"Please, just let me go…"

He motioned for her to come closer and she did. He leant forward and whispered something in her ear. And then he kissed her hand and turned back to the dock. Kenny started up the boat again, and Alex sat back down slowly, staring at the floor and shaking.

Kate went to her, handing the baby to Jack.

"Alex? What did he say?"

"He said…he said Karl's not dead."

The girl's hand went to her stomach.

"He said he let him go, in secret."

"Go?"

"To the real world."

**Ok! I am not going to make any more promises I can't keep! I am so sorry….I promised I'd update every weekend, but then I just lost the will to write again!!!! I don't know how I can make it up to you…maybe more jex? When they get back home? I'm glad they're finally off that island! I'm on Easter holidays now and have been very inspired to write these past few days. So I will try to update as often as possible! Oh, and I have a little – scratch that, BIG – amendment to make. In the last chapter, I said that Alex's boyfriend was called Kevin. KARL!!!! I totally meant Karl. I just got it muddled up in my head. But from now on, he's Karl – Alex doesn't know anyone called Kevin. Well, she probably does, but…that's not the point – Karl. Karl is her boyfriend, like on the show. Please read the new fic I wrote, A Walk On The Beach! I just needed a bit of a break from this for a while. Its set after Left Behind. REVIEW!!! (I won't complain!)**


	39. Going Home

Going Home – Jack's POV

They landed at a dock in Fiji, and from there intended to catch a plane back to America. There was only one problem – Alex didn't have a passport. She'd never needed one.

He watched her say goodbye to Kenny, kiss him and hug him tightly. Jack felt sorry for her; she was leaving everything behind, her whole life, going to a world she'd never experienced before – just for her baby. A baby she was too young to have.

Kate would help her. And he knew Kate would love looking after Alex's baby. They'd been trying for almost a month now, and Kate still hadn't gotten pregnant. She'd cried about a week ago when her period had come. But it was too early yet, anyway. Time would tell.

He was still trying to figure out what to do with Alex, when Kate pulled him aside and procured something. A passport. The same one she'd used when she'd left the island the first time. He looked inside. There was a picture of Kate, and beside that all the details for one Joanna Hart. The woman who'd drowned when they'd first crashed. It said she was twenty-two…he looked up at Alex. The girl looked like any other seventeen year old. Somehow he doubted that she could pass as five years older.

But Kate handed him Tom and dragged the girl into a bathroom at the airport and made him wait outside for fifteen minutes. He sat there, quietly rocking Tom, who was lying asleep in his arms. When they came out, Alex had some of Kate's clothes on, and her hair was loose. She had make-up on; some of Kate's eyeliner, mascara, lipstick.

It would do. She still didn't look quite twenty-two – she barely looked twenty – but it would have to work.

They went over to a photo booth, and took some pictures of Alex. She may not look old enough in person, but she did in the photos. Kate bought a lighter and disappeared into the toilets again, leaving him, Alex and the baby outside. The girl was shaking.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…it's just, I've never been in an airport before. There's so many of them! I've never seen so many people in my entire life!" He really sympathized for her. It must be hard.

"Can I…can I hold him?" He looked up surprised.

"Uh, sure!" He handed her Tom, still sleeping and wrapped in a blanket. Alex looked down at him adoringly, holding him close to her chest.

"I ought to get in a bit of practise, huh?" She sounded nervous.

"Yeah. I think Kate would like a bit of help with him now and then. She just nodded.

Kate re-appeared, and pulled the passport out of her pocket. She handed it to Alex.

"What do you think?"

"I, uh, it looks great. But I don't really know what its supposed to look like…" She handed it to Jack.

He picked it up and flicked through it. It looked almost real. It was a little charred around the photograph, and around the edges too.

"It was on the bench and a saucepan caught fire beside it. It burnt a little bit, remember?" She was smiling. He smiled back.

"Yeah, I remember."

He handed the passport to Alex, who put it in her pocket one-handed. Then Kate took Tom back, expertly holding him against one shoulder.

"Okay, we better go and get tickets."

They were lucky – there was a plane to Miami in an hour, and from there a connecting flight to Los Angeles.

He was nervous. The whole time they were buying the tickets, he kept thinking they'd get caught out. When it was over, he took the tickets gratefully and got away as quickly as he could. Kate squeezed his hand.

"Trust me, it'll be fine. Anything happens, leave it to me." He nodded and kissed her cheek.

They went through to customs. He was shaking as they went up to passport control. He'd never done anything like this before. But they didn't really have an option. He answered the questions as best he could, but when they asked his reason for travel he froze. What exactly could he say? There were escaping from a bunch of crazy people who'd kidnapped his kid on an island in the middle of nowhere? No…thank god Kate jumped in.

"We're flying back to the states for a funeral." She gestured at Alex. "Her mum."

"Oh, of course. I'm so sorry for your loss." The man nodded at Alex. "Go through."

He gave them back their passports and they went through.

It was over. There was nothing else they had to get through to get home, no more lies to tell.

He had to admit it scared him a little, how easily and smoothly Kate could lie. She just threw herself into that as if it was the honest to god truth, no hesitations, no thought. It made him wonder how many times she'd done it. And it made him wonder how many times she'd lied to him. He looked over at her, cradling their son to her chest with one arm, and squeezed her hand.

She squeezed back.

They got on the plane, and then they were off. Home.

**Sorry, a rather brief and not very well-written chapter. I could've just skipped to when they got home, and I was going to, but then I figured this would be a good way to be reminded of Kate's past, and how out of synch Alex was with the real world. Coming up…they get home, and have to re-adjust again. Alex has to settle in for the first time, and a little someone's birthday gets celebrated.**


	40. Kisses

**This is another Alex POV chapter, and I promise the last. But if she is going to be staying with them for the foreseeable future, and be an important character, I figured it was important to tell her story. I think she and Karl are so sweet together, so this is going to become a partially Karl/Alex story. But I promise, from now on its just Jack and Kate. And I'm sad to say the ending is looming. I don't really intend it to be longer than 50 chapters, so 10 more to go. I know how I'm gonna end it, and that's why I felt it was important to explain Alex's history. Hope you don't mind, and I hope you like it anyway!**

Kisses – Alex's POV

FLASHBACK

"I love you"

She looked up into his eyes, reflecting the moonlight streaming through the window and shining like silver. She could see his love, burning fierce in his eyes; she could feel it, in the touch of his hands, roaming softly over her body; she could taste it, on his sweet lips.

"I love you too."

He kissed her fiercely, pushing her back onto the sofa. She loved the way he made her feel, like this. Her hands were wandering over his back, up to his shoulders, and then down, down, reaching for his fly. Karl sat up and pulled her onto his lap. He looked down at her hands regretfully, where they were resting on the ridge his erection was making in his jeans. She knew what was coming know.

"No, I can't."

"Why not?"

"You know why not. He'll be back soon. He would kill me Alex!"

"It's my choice, not his." She stubbornly tried to undo his fly again, but he stopped her.

"Alex, I want to. God knows I do. But I just can't risk it. Not here." He looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry."

She refused to let her father get in their way. He wasn't even her father, and it was her decision. She wanted to have sex with her boyfriend…was that such an unreasonable desire for a seventeen-year-old? Had Ben never been that age? But he didn't understand. He refused to. He'd told her that if he ever caught her with Karl again, he'd kill him. She didn't believe him.

Until he killed her pet bunny in cold blood. Just to prove a point.

Karl really shouldn't have been here tonight. But Ben was at a meeting – all the adults were – and she was desperate to see him. With his parents not there to watch him, and Ben not there to mind her, he'd come over. She'd wanted to have sex with him tonight. She'd been thinking about it for a long time…such a long time. Karl had been her boyfriend for about a year. He'd been her forbidden boyfriend for half that time.

"Meet me at the tree house tonight then. Midnight." The tree house. She and Karl had spent an entire summer building that together, when they were kids. They'd known each other since they were about twelve, when Karl's parents had moved to her island from 'the real world'. The tree house was their pride and joy. It was about 2 metres square, made from bamboo and leaves and cardboard, and was high in the branches of a massive oak. It was sturdy enough.

Karl was breathing heavily, obviously struggling to keep his decision. She put her arms around his neck, instead, to make it easier for him.

"Okay." He kissed her again, and got up. She fell back down, disappointed. But he really did have to go now. He picked his shirt up from the floor, and pulled it on. She stood up and straightened her clothes, somewhat rumpled from their make-out session on the sofa.

"I, uh, I guess I'll see you later then. Are you sure you want—"

She kissed him. "I'll see you later."

"Later."

He went, and she was left standing on the porch watching him creep back to his house. They'd long since figured out a route that would be invisible to the security cameras.

She could just see the white glow of his t-shirt in the distance, climbing through his window. And then he was gone.

END OF FLASHBACK

She woke with a sigh. These dreams – memories – only made missing him worse. The sun was creeping in through the curtains, dimly lighting the room. She sat bolt upright, staring around her. Until she remembered she was in Jack's house, in the spare room. Her small bag of clothes was at the end of her bed, and she was in her pyjamas. It was okay. She was safe now.

_7.15am_. Jack and Kate would still be in bed. She got up and crept out of the room, trying to find her way to the kitchen. The house was so big, compared to the tiny little bungalows they'd lived in on the island. Too big.

She found it, eventually. The kitchen. Everything was immaculate, as she'd expected. It looked too…impersonal. With a pang she remembered how her small kitchen was always cluttered. Ben had attempted to make cupcakes with her once, when she was ten. They still hadn't gotten all the flour off the walls. Neither of them were very competent cooks, it turned out. But Karl was a great cook. He'd come over and cooked her breakfast in bed when she was fourteen, when she'd been sick with the flu. He hadn't left her side till she was better. And somehow, he didn't get sick.

She made herself a cup of coffee, spending time looking through all the different brands in Jack's cupboard. Where this really this many choices of coffee? Most of their stuff was Dharma food. It tasted all right, and she'd come to recognize each of the items, despite the fact that they all had exactly the same packaging – the Dharma Initiative sign.

She didn't really know what Dharma was. Only what she'd been told – a group of scientists who were on the island and weren't supposed to be. Her father had tried to get rid of them for years. He and a friend of his, Mikhail – the one who's eye patch scared the hell out of her for years – always spent days discussing how best to get rid of them. They did, eventually. Ben always got his way.

The sun shining through the window, giving her her first ever glimpse of LA. It had been dark when they'd arrived, and she'd been too tired to look out the window. Jack lived somewhere out in the suburbs, in what appeared to be a rich neighbourhood. The houses were huge, basically all pristine and white. It was too early for anyone to be up really, but she saw the odd man in a suit going out to his car, briefcase in hand, ready for work; she saw the housewives standing at the door, waving goodbye; she saw elderly couple going for an early morning walk with their dog; she saw a man run past, jogging, earphones plugged in.

She loved it.

It was so amazingly new. And it felt so normal. She was beginning to get a keener sense of the bubble she'd been kept in all her life. She wanted to break free, to go out into the city and do all the things she hadn't been able to. She wanted to go shopping, and go to the movies, and buy an ice cream, and walk a dog and learn to drive…oh, there were so many things. She swore to herself she would do them all. And she swore that her baby, growing inside of her, would grow up with all the things she hadn't had.

A cry came from upstairs. It was soft, and for a second she thought it was her imagination, musing on her baby. But then it came again. She put her empty cup in the sink and crept upstairs, following the sound to Tom's room. She hadn't really held him properly. That moment was brief, but wonderful.

He was lying in his cot, obviously just woken up. She didn't think he needed anything in particular, perhaps just some attention. She went and picked him up. He felt warm, and his soft head fit perfectly into the crook of her elbow. She held him for a few minutes, thinking that six months from now, it would be her own baby she would be holding. Karl's baby.

She'd probably better go and get Jack or Kate now. She crept along to their room at the end of the corridor and saw the door slightly ajar. She pushed it open slightly, and saw them both still asleep. Jack was lying on his back with his arms around Kate, who was lying on his chest with her spread out over her bare back. They looked so peaceful; she didn't want to disturb them. She remembered Karl again, and how she would have given anything to be able to sleep in with him all day. They'd always had to have snatched moments, in secret. Always quick, always quiet. But none the less, they were wonderful.

FLASHBACK

She got there first. The tree was hard to climb, harder than she's remembered. She was glad now that she'd insisted they put in handholds in the trunk. Karl had had to go and steal his dad's axe to get that done.

She'd brought blankets and spread them out at the top. It was cold, so she wrapped herself up in one, and without realising it fell asleep. Karl woke her up.

"I'm sorry; I had trouble getting out of the house. My parents sat up for ages talking about the meeting, they didn't go to bed until ten to twelve." He kissed her forehead and got under the blanket with her. "I didn't think they were ever going to go!"

She huddled closer to him. "It's so cold up here."

"Yeah, winter's coming on. Look, you can see the sky through the leaves."

The leaves thinned out near the top, and they could see the stars up above. He pointed at a constellation right above them.

"Ursa Theodorus…" He looked over at her.

"…the teddy bear." She finished. He smiled.

Karl reached across and gently took her chin in his hand. He pulled her closer to him, until they were kissing. It was the sweetest kiss they'd ever had, up here in the cold crisp air, lying on the first achievement they'd ever made together. It quickly became more passionate, and he rolled on top of her.

Inwardly she breathed a sigh of relief. She'd worried that it would be awkward, that they would talk about it, or worse still they wouldn't want to any more. And thought she tried to hide it, even from herself, she was a little scared. But Karl was shaking too, and not from the cold.

Often she wondered what sex was really like. She'd only heard vague descriptions, having been strictly forbidden from being taught about sex, or anything to do with it. Ben thought that if she didn't know then she never would. But she and Karl had spent too long eavesdropping on some of his parent's naughtier conversations, with their friends. They were smart kids, they figured it out.

He pulled his shirt off and suddenly everything felt better. It was okay – it was just like this afternoon. His warm body felt so familiar that she instantly relaxed. She took her shirt off too, taking care to place it beside them rather than chucking it – it wasn't that far from the edge of the tree-house. She didn't want it falling off.

This was the furthest they'd ever gone, on the one occasion where he'd dared to take off her shirt. It seemed like child's play, compared to what they were about to do.

"Alex…you know I love you right?"

"I know."

"More than anything." She looked at him, making eye contact for the first time since they'd started.

"I love you too."

He kissed her, and she felt his hand slide up her back and undo her bra. It lay between them, the only barrier between them and the point of no return. If it came off, there was no going back.

Slowly, she took her arms out of the straps, and slid it gently to one side. And then, for the first time she felt how warm he was, when their chest were pressed close like this, with nothing in between. Hesitantly he put his hand on her breast. His fingers made her skin tingle, the new sensation overwhelming her. When she didn't protest he brought his other hand up, until both his hands were caressing her. He moaned, low, in the back of his throat.

"Alex…" It was more of a whisper, and it urged them both on. She arched her back, and he slid his mouth down her neck, kissing her collarbone, until finally it closed around her. She whimpered, more out of surprise than pleasure. But it was a pleasant surprise. After a while she decided she liked it, and she felt herself growing hot. Her cheeks flushed, and she seemed to burn with a desire for him. His erection was already pressing against her leg, through his jeans.

He took them off, and then slowly, hers. And then his boxers, until all that was left between them was her panties. Plain black, like the rest of her underwear. Ben refused to let her have anything fancier, and since he ordered all their clothes she had no choice. It was embarrassing enough having to discuss underwear with him, so she let the matter drop.

Karl was kissing her neck, trembling.

"Alex?" She stroked his back.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." And she really did. She loved Karl, and the way he always told her he loved her. But now, this moment, seemed the most important.

He took her panties off.

They were both nervous, afraid, and she had to remind herself that this was just Karl. This was just Karl, her best friend, her boyfriend, the person she loved most in the world. It was okay.

It hurt, at first, a hell of a lot. She thought she would cry out but she didn't, because she knew Karl would stop. She just bit her tongue until it wasn't so bad anymore.

When it was over he pulled her close to him, so that she was lying pressed against his side. They were both covered in sweat, and despite the cold night air and the very thin blanket, they were burning.

"Alex? I love you more than anything in the world. That was the most perfect thing ever." She felt a sudden rush of love for him then, with his typical over the top adorations. It hadn't been so wonderful for her, not at first anyway. In fact, it had been the opposite. But she was glad that she could make him happy.

"Yeah, it was."

"Did I…did I hurt you?" She could taste blood in her mouth, faintly, from where she'd bit her tongue in pain.

"No."

"Good, because I couldn't bear it if I had." She kissed him on the crown of his head and cuddled him. She didn't see the point in telling him that it had hurt, when it would only make him upset. What's done is done.

They fell asleep, under the stars, lying in each others arms. He was right – it was the most perfect thing ever.

Except for in the morning, when they woke to people calling their names from the village. They had overslept – everyone knew they were gone. Ben knew they were gone.

And Ben would not be happy.

END OF FLASHBACK

She looked at the couple lying in the bed, thinking of all the times they would get to do that and she and Karl wouldn't. What had happened after that night was a disaster. They had overslept, and so everyone woke up that morning and knew they were gone. Together. As quickly as they could they dressed, and rushed down the tree. They left the blankets – they didn't want to give away what they'd done. But everyone had pretty much figured it out. Everyone knew how much they loved each other. And when they were gone, all night, in the jungle…well. Ben didn't say anything when they returned. He just pointed to their house, and she wasn't in the position to disobey. She watched through the window.

Ben was talking to Karl, and then shouting at him. He lunged forward and punched him in the cheek, and she screamed. Tom and another man tried to restrain him, but he was furious. She flung the window open, to hear what he was saying.

"Take him to the cages. I'll kill him." And then he stormed off back to the house.

She sat down in shock. He couldn't, he wouldn't really…would he? She heard the front door slam and ran out to Ben. He was panting, his eye flashing dangerously. She threw herself onto the floor, sobbing. She pleaded with screamed at him, and still he didn't say a word. It was hopeless. Crying, she ran to her room. She spent the next few days in there, and refused to eat. And she cried herself to sleep, every night.

But Ben hadn't killed him. He told her that, before she left. That meant he was somewhere here, in the real world. But it was so big…she'd never find him.

Tom squirmed in her arms again, and tugged on her hair. She leant down and kisses his adorable head, breathing in the sweet baby scent that clung to him.

It was his first birthday today. She knew, from the records Ben had left lying around their house. December 13th. Jack and Kate would want to do something with him. Maybe she should go.

But no. They insisted she stay, and the all went out for lunch somewhere. Tom came, of course, and delighted in making a mess of the restaurant. Jack made sure to give the waiter a huge tip. But she had a fun afternoon. When they got home, she and Kate tied to make a cake. It went terribly wrong. They ended up just standing in the doorway to the living room, watching Jack crawl around on the floor with Tom.

"He's great with kids, isn't he?" Kate smiled.

"Yeah. He adores Tom. Now I wish I'd introduced them sooner."

In the end, all of them were on the floor, playing peek-a-boo behind the couches, and chasing little Tom all over the room. He loved it. Kate sent Jack out to buy a cake, seeing as they'd been so unsuccessful in making one. They sang happy birthday to him, but he was fast asleep.

Jack and Kate volunteered to do the washing up together, and so she took Tom up to bed. She stayed there for a while, stroking him and singling softly until she felt she ought to leave him. It was silent downstairs, and when she poked her head around the kitchen door she saw them kissing. Jack had his arms around her, stroking her back, and she was caressing his neck.

Just like she used to with Karl. She sighed and closed the door, giving them some privacy. She missed Karl. She missed his smile, his laugh…but most of all, she missed his kisses.

**Please review!!! Oh, and Happy Easter!!!!!**


	41. Everything I've Ever Wanted

Everything I've Ever Wanted - Jack's POV

"I can't believe he's one." She stroked his face softly.

"I know…he's getting so big!" He kissed her.

He wished this moment would never end…lying here, home again, with Kate in his arms and his beautiful one-year-old son sleeping down the hall. There was only one thing that was amiss.

"Kate? What's going to happen to Alex?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in the long run." He pushed a stray curl behind her ear, cupping her chin and holding her face inches from his. "She can't stay with us forever."

Kate sighed and pulled away from him and rolled over, so that she was lying on her back staring at the ceiling.

"I know. But I just feel so sorry for her, being all alone…pregnant. She has to stay with us until the baby's born at least."

"No, I know. But, after. What's going to happen?"

"I spoke to her earlier. She said that Ben schooled her, and she has all the qualifications she needs to go to university. Obviously, she can't go until she has the baby, and then after I'll take care of it sometimes…oh I don't know. Why don't we just take each day as it comes?"

"Ok. Makes things less complicated." He rolled over on top of her, biting her neck playfully and teasing her with his hands. She smiled against his lips.

"You're insatiable tonight."

"I'm just glad to be home." He sat up, looking down at her naked body glowing in the dim light. "And you, my dear, are beautiful."

She drew him down to her again, pressing her soft breasts against his chest. He slid his hand between her legs, touching her softly, making her squirm in delight. He liked it best like this – nights that seemed to go on forever; Kate's soft pliable body open to his touch, his tongue. He couldn't describe how beautiful she was to him. Words were too…imprecise. The nearest he got was when he was touching her, tasting her, trying to make her feel as perfect as she appeared to him. He kissed his way down her neck, chest, stomach, and then lower. She was so, so, so—

A sharp wail rang through the house. And then short, hiccoughing sobs. Groaning, he pulled away from her and collapsed on the bed. Kate was also annoyed at their interruption, but none the less she jumped up and pulled on one of his t-shirts from on the floor. Its hem just skimmed the top of her thighs, leaving her legs bare. He watched her storm out of the room, grumpy. All he could hear were the cries. And then they got quieter; Kate was shushing him. Eventually they ceased completely. Straining his ears, he could just make out a sound through the walls.

Kate was singing. The words weren't quite clear, but he could hear the rise and fall of her voice, soothing, quieting, and he could see her now in his mind; rocking Tom gently, kissing his sweet little forehead, his tiny hand curled around her finger. It made him happy, thinking of the two of them. _His family_.

He wondered if he could go back, if he'd have done anything differently. Made Kate stay. Watched her body swelling and blossoming in pregnancy. Been there at Tom's birth. Raised him, in those precious few months he'd missed.

_No_, he thought. He wouldn't want anything different, at all. His life was perfect. The fact that Kate hadn't stayed made her more precious to him. And, thinking about it, he wouldn't change her time in prison. Now they didn't have her criminal status hanging over their heads, the fear she'd be caught. What life would that be for a child? Having a mother who couldn't go to the baseball games, the school plays, even the supermarket just because she couldn't risk being seen. He wouldn't want to bring Tom up in that.

He heard the creak of a floorboard, Kate coming back to him. And then, immediately, another cry. Kate returned a few minutes later with Tom in her arms, looking incredibly grumpy and scowling.

"Everytime I tried to leave he started crying!"

She gently handed Tom to him and crawled in beside them.

"Maybe he just wanted to be with you. I don't blame him." She smiled and softened a little. Her façade of annoyance wore off quickly and she snuggled up to him. Tom was lying between them, in Jack's arms. He was sleeping now, his thumb in his mouth. He looked so cute that Jack couldn't help but kiss him. And as he was pulling back Kate leant forward and grazed his lips with hers.

They lay in silence, pressed gently together, careful to support Tom. Kate was drawing circles on his back with her fingers, and the movements soothed him.

"What're you thinking about?"

"How much I love you. You've given me everything I've ever wanted, Kate. Thank you."

She grinned and leant over to kiss him.

"You're welcome. And I love you just as much."

They fell asleep together, the three of them. A family.

**Ok, I know its not exactly safe to fall asleep with a baby in the bed. But it gave effect, I wanted them all together. Please review! I'm gonna be skipping ahead a little now, a couple of months, to pick up the pace again. I think I got a bit stuck in this chapter. And I had loads of trouble uploading too! I couldn't upload any documents at all! Oh, and feel free to go check out my new one-shot _Medication_! (I wouldn't mind). Well, I hope you like it anyway!**


	42. Distance

Distance - Kate's POV

He got up at four in the morning, showered, dressed, went downstairs for coffee, came back upstairs, cleaned his teeth and kissed her goodbye. Same routine, almost every morning. He thought she was asleep, but every morning she woke the moment his warm body left her arms. She would lie there, eyes closed, pretending to fall asleep again and hoping that she would. It was the goodbyes that were the hardest.

The clock read _5:05_. He'd just left. The sheet was already cold on her naked body now, without him to keep her warm. She could try and get to sleep again, for another couple of hours, until either Tom or Alex needed her to be up. Alex – poor girl. She'd been sick for about three weeks. It wasn't morning sickness, Alex was almost five months along now, but a small nagging part of her worried about what Jack had told her once. About what happened to women who conceived on the island. She didn't know if being off the island would affect the girl's pregnancy for better, or worse.

With a sigh she climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom. The mirror was still cloudy, from his shower earlier. She touched the smooth glass, expecting to feel the comfortable heat of the steam beneath her hand. It was cold.

She didn't know what had happened. She and Jack just used to…work. Everything was perfect. They would play happy families with Tom, now walking around and starting to talk, and then late at night when everyone was in bed he'd make love to her. He was still the best lover she'd ever had, even now. But something was missing. His work had never used to bother her, but the early mornings and the increasingly late nights were starting to upset her. She wanted to be with him, to spend time with him, to have him watch their son grow up. But he wasn't there.

The strain showed. They didn't cuddle anymore, just for the sake of it. They never kissed much during the day, whereas they always used to get caught by Alex making out over the washing up. And at night, when his hand came reaching under the sheets for her, sometimes she just wanted to push him away. But every time, a small part of her would think _What if this is it? What if tonight he tells you he loves you and everything gets better?_ And she would always fall into his arms again, wishing upon wishing that everything would be okay. That he still loved her, the same way that he used to. That she would get pregnant.

They'd been trying for about three months now. Regularly enough, compared to the sparse moments of passion they'd snatched on the island. But her period had come the day before last, and she had cried that night in his arms. But they didn't hold the same comfort that they once would have. There was a distance between them that she felt too afraid to talk about, too afraid to ask him about. It was like they were spiralling out of control and she had no way of stopping it.

She still loved him, with all her heart. She didn't regret anything. But everyday the gap between them widened. Sometimes it felt like the only thing holding them together was Tom.

He was awake now. Not crying, but she could hear his steady breaths and sporadic babbling over the baby monitor. She smiled to herself. Whatever happened, she'd still have him. Her little boy.

She threw on some clothes and went into his room, where he was playing with the little plane mobile. When he saw her enter the room he said 'Mama!' and hauled himself up using the side of the crib. He stood there, arms outstretched for her, wanting to be held, cuddled, kissed, loved. She rushed to hold him, if only to comfort him again. She was the one who need to be cuddled, kissed, loved, and yet she was the one doing the cuddling, the kissing. The loving.

It had even crossed her mind once that Jack had been having an affair. But the moment that thought had crossed her mind she's instantly banished it. Jack wouldn't cheat on her. He could hate her guts, and he would still be man enough to honour his commitment to her. To their son.

She knew that he wouldn't be back until about eight tonight. And with her having gotten up so early, and running around after Tom and taking care of Alex, she would be too tired to even say hello. She often daydreamed about him coming home at lunchtime, to surprise her, sweeping her off her feet and bringing back the passion which had been so lacking recently. But as it was, that wouldn't happen. He had more procedures than ever. He was quite well-known now, in the medical world. He'd been proclaimed as 'An amazingly talented surgeon' by some incredibly important medical journal a few days ago, and she thought how only a little while ago she might have congratulated him, thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him…she'd only managed a 'well done.'

She knew it affected him too. This distance. She sometimes saw him looking at her sadly, or catching himself going to stroke her cheek. She just wanted to press herself into him and tell him it was okay, that she wanted him to. But something stopped her. He spent more time with Tom now, when he could. Whenever they were alone together they only really indulged in awkward conversation, and with Tom there they could play with him and talk to him and pretend everything was normal.

If only it was that simple.

**Sorry about the angst, but I am MASSIVELY depressed. Lost depression, I mean. I think I'm going to stop watching, I really can't stomach this Skate crap they're shoving down out throats. Honest to god, it makes me feel sick. And I just want to murder Kate right now! If things don't start to get better (Jate-wise) by the beginning of next season I'm giving up on Lost. And on Jate, really. I want a ship that isn't so god-damned complicated!!! I've become a Michael/Sarah shipper on Prison Break, and I get a hell of a lot more satisfaction from that. **

**I am definitely going to finish this story though, whatever happens. And I'll post random one-shots here and there until I decided if I've given up on Jate. If I have, I'm afraid I'll be saying goodbye. And if I haven't, I do have plans tucked way in some obscure recesses of my brain for another long-running Jate fic. :D In my heart of hearts I do love Jate and I don't want to give up on them. If anyone can help, I'd gladly appreciate it!!!**


	43. Window Shopping

Window Shopping – Kate's POV

She could honestly say that the hardest thing she'd ever done was try to get a screaming toddler into a stroller. All the difficult crimes she'd commited on the run – robbing banks, conning men, shooting someone – seemed to pale in comparison to the task of getting Tom into the chair. He squirmed, and cried, and twisted and wriggled and refused to be still. She wasn't in the mood to carry him, but she couldn't put up with this much longer.

"I'll hold him, its okay." Alex smiled at her. She smiled back.

"You sure?"

"Its no problem, really. He'll fall asleep soon anyway."

They were in town, in the middle of a mall. She'd decided to take the girl out and show her around LA, after two months of staying inside. She wanted to be happy, and enjoy herself for once. This morning had just been the last straw. She and Jack needed to talk.

But she didn't know what to say.

They wandered around for the rest of the day, and Kate loved watching Alex's face light up at all the people and shops. It was strange, thinking that she's never seen it before. It was nice to make someone feel happy again. Despite her illness, Alex was thoroughly enjoying herself. And so was she.

They stopped for a coffee before going home. Sure enough, Tom had fallen asleep, no doubt exhausted from his little tantrum. He was in the stroller now, head falling slightly to one side, mouth open slightly. He looked adorable.

"He's beautiful." She looked up at Alex, who gestured to Tom and smiled.

"Yeah. He's the best thing that ever happened to me." Alex nodded and patted her rounded stomach excitedly.

"I can't wait for mine."

She'd tried her hardest to be excited for the girl, but in she couldn't really. Her own heart was aching for a baby. Alex noticed her sudden sadness and sighed.

"It'll happen Kate, just wait. I know that you'll get another baby, somehow."

She nodded, trying to answer, but found her throat thick and heavy. But Alex understood.

"So, um, I didn't want to mention it, but I noticed that you and Jack have been sorta…off lately. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we're..." She caught herself automatically lying, trying to protect herself from the inevitable hurt of that topic. But this was Alex. They'd become so close, and she was burning to tell someone. To try and understand what went wrong. "Um, well, no…no we're not okay. I don't know what happened, we just…stopped. You know what I mean?"

"Sort of. Have you tried talking to him?"

"No, I can't bring myself to. I know I need to, but I just can't. Its just that I don't know what he'd say, or how he'd react. I need him to be home more, to talk to me and spend time with me and Tom…but his work is so important to him. I can't ask him to do that!"

Alex reached across the table and grabbed her hand.

"Of course you can. His family should come before anything else. And if this is really bothering you, and damaging your relationship, then he needs to think about it."

"Its not that simple. I don't know how, and its too hard. We always have Tom around, we can't just…talk."

"Tell you what. I'll take Tom, and tonight I'll stay in a hotel with him. We'll come back tomorrow night, I promise. But you need to talk to Jack, and then he needs to take the day of work and you need to sort out your problems."

"But—"

"No buts! Lets go now, and you can drop me and Tom off somewhere on the way. And then you need to go home."

Gratitude washed over her. And relief. Alex was going to help her; she was going to have the whole night, just her and Jack, and tomorrow too. It would be okay. Everything would be okay.

They spent a few minutes window shopping, Alex looking at baby clothes. It didn't hurt so much now, because she was starting to feel some hope. She took faith in Alex's words.

_I know that you'll get another baby, somehow._

A slow smile spread across Kate's face. She did too.

**Ok, decision time! Do you want some hot Jate smut, or some heart-to-heart talking? I can try and do both, but I have a suspicion that would make the next chappy incredibly long. Hmmm. You decide!**


	44. I Love You

_Warning: Adult Situations_

I Love You – Jack's POV

It was about seven thirty when he got home. He was exhausted, having just spent ten hours in surgery. A kid, only about twelve, had been in a car accident with his parents. A huge chunk of metal had been lodged in his side, and it was too close to the spine to risk just pulling it out. Jack had been carefully cutting it away and stitching the broken spinal tissues back together. It was tedious work, but it was satisfying knowing that at the end of the day, he'd saved someone's life.

The parents were dead, and he didn't envy the nurse who would have to tell the boy when he woke up. That was one of the worst things about his job – giving bad news.

Kate was sitting on the floor in the living room, her hair wet and curly, wearing her pyjama bottoms and an old top. She looked up, startled, when he walked in, and instantly that awkward tension was hanging between them again. He didn't understand it; one day he just come home, and she'd acted really cold. He'd shrugged it off as a bad mood or something. But then it was the next day, and the next, until he no longer felt comfortable around her. It scared him, how distant they were.

"Hey. Uh…where's Tom? And Alex?" He noticed their absence immediately. Normally, the three of them would be curled up on the couch watching the TV when he came home. But they weren't, and the house was too quiet. Tom couldn't possibly be asleep by now. Kate pushed her hair behind her ear nervously.

"Um, they're not here."

"What? What happened? Are they okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine; they're in a hotel somewhere." Kate was looking at the floor, twisting the sleeves of her jumper in her hands and biting her lip. He had no idea what was going on, or why she was this nervous. He wanted to comfort her, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to anymore.

"Kate, what—"

"We need to talk, okay?! What's wrong with us? Why is everything all…wrong?" She started to cry. "What happened?"

She didn't know? She was the one who'd been not talking, not kissing, not playing, not doing all the things they used to do. It hurt.

"Why don't you tell me Kate? You're the one who's been ignoring me!"

"Ignoring you?" She stood up, angry now. "Ignoring you?! You're never home Jack! You're not here when I want to talk to you, or be with you. You're not home for Tom! When you get home at night, he falls asleep about half an hour later. And you're gone too early in the morning to see him! Half an hour, Jack! Is that all your son is worth to you?"

"Kate—"

"No, Jack! You need to think about this! You might say its not, but you sure as hell act as if your work is more important to you! What about us, Jack? What about your family?"

She turned and ran up the stairs crying. He wanted to follow her, but she was right. They needed to sort this out.

He collapsed in a chair, his head in his hands. It was Sarah, all over again. His work was getting in the way of his life. His family. He couldn't imagine not working at the hospital, not fixing people, not being a surgeon anymore.

But what was even more terrifying, was imagining a life without Kate, and Tom. His chest felt tight and he panicked as he actually considered that possibility. Before the crash, before Kate, his life had been empty. And he wouldn't go back to that. He needed her, just as much as he needed air.

He wasn't going to let it happen again. If he had to stop working at the hospital…so be it. But he refused to give them up.

He went upstairs and pushed open the door of their bedroom softly. She was sitting on the end of the bed, hugging her knees and crying. He didn't hesitate this time.

It felt so good to have her in his arms again, to bury his head in her hair and stroke her back and tell her that he loved her more than anything else in the world. That his work could never be more important than her and Tom.

He pulled back and cupped her face in his hands, feeling her tears pooling in his palms. He brushed them away and leant down to kiss her. She whimpered softly and pulled him down to her, both of them clinging to one another for dear life.

To touch her again, to kiss her, and feel her kiss him back with passion. He'd wanted it for so long. He still didn't quite understand why she'd had sex with him almost every night, when all she would do was turn her head away from him or close her eyes. He wanted make love to her, and he wanted to watch her while he did. He wanted to see her feel something again.

He pushed her back on the bed and lay on top of her, his hands kneading her waist. God, he'd missed the way she ran her fingers along his spine, lightly at first and then more insistently. She was responding to him, and it was heaven.

He rolled them over, wanting her to be on top, wanting her to do whatever she wanted. He just wanted to make her happy. She kissed his neck and tugged on his tie, undoing it and chucking it to the side. It was the shirt next, but she couldn't undo the buttons. She moaned in frustration and gave up, hugging him instead.

"Rip it."

She looked back up at him, her eyes flickering with excitement.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded and kissed her. She pulled away and ran her hands over his chest, over the smooth white fabric. They rested on his collar, hesitating, and then just as suddenly she ripped it, sending the buttons everywhere. They both laughed and he looked at her face. She was smiling. It made him so happy that he tugged her down and rolled over, sitting up so that he was kneeling either side of her. He took his shirt off as quickly as he could, desperate to touch her again. She sat up and they pulled her shirt over her head together. His breath hitched in his throat when he saw the lacy black bra she had on underneath, emphasising the smooth curves of her breasts. She giggled at him and pulled his hands down to her, one on her breast and the other at her hip. She pushed on it, and he took it as permission. He slipped his hand inside, and felt the thin lace of what could only be matching panties.

He all but ripped the pyjamas off her, desperate to see her, to touch her. She was perfect. The panties were so small, skimming just underneath her hips, but not low enough to satisfy him. Sexy as they were; now they were driving him crazy.

He undid the clasp of her bra and pushed it off, revealing her breasts. Her perfect breasts. Slowly, he pushed her back on the pillows and kissed her once on the lips. But he was burning to explore her body again, to memorize every detail, so that it would always be in his mind and he could never, ever forget it. He sucked on her ear, her neck, the smooth hollow of her collarbone. What pleased him most was not her body, beautiful as it was, but the fact that she was moaning, and sighing, and pressing her hips into his and begging him not to stop. She wanted this, and more than anything he wanted her to want this.

He tugged her pants off, casting them aside. And finally she was undressed, lying naked on the pillows under him and looking at him with hooded eyes from beneath the curtain of her chocolate curls. He had a sudden desire to fist his hand in them, wild and tumbling and messy from his caresses. He wanted to make love to her right then, and it took all of his willpower not to. There was something he wanted to do first.

He kissed her shoulder. "Kate?"

"Mmmm?" she all but breathed, her eyes closed.

"I'm sorry. About everything."

She only nodded, and he could tell that she was dying for him to touch her. But he kept his hands on her hips, for now, massaging them softly.

"And I wanted to make it up to you." He slid his hand a little lower now, so that it rested on the flat pane of her lower stomach. Her eyes flew open and she looked at him, flushed and excited and perfect.

"And I was thinking, that I never finished that night, when Tom wouldn't sleep. Before all this mess. So I figured now was as good a time as any." He ran his lips down from her face now, between her breasts, over her stomach, lower…

"Jack!"

"Yeah?"

"Jack…"

He smiled, and pressed his lips to her. She moaned again and he looked up. She had her head arched back against the pillows, hands wrapped tight around the bedposts. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and she was bucking her hips up to him, ever so slightly. He put his hands on them to steady her. She was trembling.

"Do you like this Kate?"

"Yes, Jack, don't stop, don't stop, please don't stop…"

"Oh, don't worry, I won't."

She sighed and he continued, watching her the whole time. He wanted to remember everything; the way her knuckles were almost white from holding the bedpost too tightly, the way her eyebrows were knotted together and her lips were parted slightly, the way that the stray curl resting across her mouth moved with every ragged breath. It took every ounce of control not to stop now, to take her. His pants were so uncomfortably tight it was painful, but he needed to finish first. For Kate.

She stopped breathing for a second and froze, and her whole body shivered beneath him. He waited until he knew she was ready for him to pull away, and grazed her stomach with his lips. She opened her eyes, finally, looked down at him, and started breathing again, as if she'd had to remind herself. Her arms let go of the bed and she tugged him up to her.

"Jack…" He loved that he could make her like this, incapable of saying anything but his name. He kissed her on the lips.

"Kate." She just smiled and buried her head in his neck. They lay like that for a moment, just holding each other, while she got her breath back. But his own desires were getting the better of him now. He was going crazy for want of her.

He breathed out shakily, trying to regain some level of control. Kate looked down between them, at his pants that were stretched tight across his erection. She smiled, unbuckled his belt and pants and pushed them down. He kicked them the rest of the way off. His boxers soon followed, and then, finally, he was holding her close, skin to skin. She felt so wonderful, tasted so wonderful, smelt so wonderful…he hadn't known it was possible to love someone this much. He rolled on top of her now, and felt her hot and wet and waiting for him. He smiled, glad again that she was back. The Kate he loved, not the cold, distant one of late.

She gasped when he pushed inside her, and pulled on his lower back. Her nails were digging into his skin, but he didn't mind. If his pain was her pleasure, then it was his pleasure too. He moved, in and out of her, kissing her and touching her and watching her want more of him; all of him. And he gave himself to her, completely, because it was what she wanted.

He collapsed on the bed beside her, both of them breathing hard. She snuggled up to him and kissed him insistently.

"Jack…"

"I'm beginning to think that's the only thing you can say."

"It's all I can think to say."

He rolled over onto his back, pulling her on top of him. He stared into her eyes, inches from his, wanting to finish this, now. He wanted to know that it was over, and forget that it had ever happened.

"So what are you gonna do Jack?" She was obviously thinking the same thing as him. He sighed and pulled her head down onto his chest, kissing the crown of her beautiful curls.

"I don't really know. I'll work less, maybe only a couple of days a week. And I'll start later and finish earlier. I promise." He knotted his fingers with hers and brought her knuckles to his lips. "I promise."

"But what about the hospital? What if they don't want you to work less, if they won't let you?"

"Then I'll leave I guess."

She sat up on him, looking at him with that face. He knew what was coming know – _are you sure? You don't have to…you can't do that, not for me…_ He hated that she still didn't get how much she meant to him.

"Jack…"

"No, I will. In fact, I think I want to. Do you want to go somewhere?"

"What?" She looked confused.

"Anywhere, I'll take you anywhere you want. Canada, Australia, wherever. I only want to be with you."

"You want to move?"

"Why not? We can just forget all this, all the bad stuff that happened here. It has too many memories. And the hospital…it reminds me too much of my dad."

"I don't really think that's a good idea, with Alex and all."

He shut his eyes and exhaled, suddenly remembering that it wasn't just him and Kate anymore. They had Tom, and Alex.

"Yeah, I suppose not."

"Well, once she's had the baby, we'll see."

She kissed his chest, her arms wrapped tight around his waist and her legs tangled somewhere in between his. He couldn't really tell where he started and she stopped – that was how he liked it best. Like this.

"You know, I've always liked Australia. I only really saw it when I was on the run. It would be nice to go there, just for a holiday if not to move."

"I guess we'll have to wait."

"Hmm…I'm tired of waiting. But its only a couple more months, right?"

"Yeah, just a couple more."

She curled up beside him and in a few minutes she was asleep. He pulled the blanket off the bed, careful not to wake her, and got in under it beside her. He hugged her, listening to the steady rhythm of her breathing. It calmed him.

"I love you, you know that?" He whispered into her ear. She just sighed in her sleep and pressed closer to him. Her hands were cradled in between them, pressing lightly on his chest. They were warm.

He smiled. "I love you."

**Ok, smut isn't exactly my area of expertise. I wanted to make it longer, but I was a bit lost at what to write…I hope you liked it anyway! Please review, because the ending **_**is **_**looming, I am sad to say. It's been a long journey! And it would be so great to reach 300 reviews before it finishes! I have my new story planned out, and I'm going to put an excerpt from it in the last chapter of this. I won't say much, except that it's called Run Away With Me and it's post-rescue. Don't worry, it's nothing like this. Again, I love reviews!**


	45. Strawberries

_Warning: Adult Content (Yes, more, I wasn't really happy with the little in the last chapter)_

Strawberries - Kate's POV

She woke to someone kissing her nose very softly and stroking her cheek. She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the sudden light of morning. It took her a while to realise that the warmth coming from beside her was Jack. He was cuddling her, and kissing her face. She smiled and stretched, yawning a little and attempting to wake up somewhat.

"Morning"

"You're awake. Finally." He kissed her properly now, wet and passionate. When he pulled away for air he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her onto his chest. It was warm and comfortable and she snuggled into him, not quite ready to wake up.

She was just drifting off to sleep again when he tilted her head up to him.

"Are you going back to sleep?"

She was too drowsy to talk. She just nodded and laid her head down on his chest again. He laughed, and she moaned grumpily when his chest shook – shaking her, too.

"Jack…"

"It's 11 o'clock."

"So?"

"So don't you think it's time to get up?"

"No. I've got plenty of time to sleep."

He laughed again and she propped herself up on his chest, annoyed. She wasn't tired anymore, just lazy. She couldn't be bothered to get up; she just wanted to lounge about all day. Jack was such a morning person, he always wanted to get up and do something.

"Are you going to let me go to sleep or not?"

"Well, that depends."

"On what?"

He rolled them over quickly, so that she was underneath him and his arms were either of her.

"On what sort of mood you're in."

She half-heartedly tried to push him off.

"I'm in a sleepy mood."

"Sleepy? Hmm. You sure you're not feeling…" He bent his head down and sucked on her neck, lightly grazing it with his teeth. She couldn't help but shiver. Sleepy or not, she felt herself getting excited. He kissed the hollow of her collarbone, swirling his tongue in it. "…playful?"

"Try a bit harder."

He laughed and looked into her eyes, his twinkling mischievously.

"Okay." He kissed her on the mouth, pushing at her lips with his tongue for entry. She denied him deliberately, teasing him, seeing how far she could push him. She gasped when he quite abruptly slid his hand down from her waist and cupped her. Involuntarily, she bucked her hips up to him, wanting to feel more of his hand.

It was him teasing her now. He smiled and pecked her lightly on the lips, all the while stroking her clit with his finger. She moaned and pulled his head back down to her. All sleepiness was gone – she was filled with desire now, a burning need to wrap herself around him, feel him deep inside her.

"What sort of mood are you in now?" He was teasing her, still. He knew perfectly well what she wanted now – he could feel her, wet and burning for him in his hand.

"You know damn well what mood I'm in."

"Mmmm, you might have to clarify that for me, I'm still a little…" He slid a finger inside her. "…unsure." She pushed herself hard against him, and he slid a second finger in. She was sick of this playing now, this banter. She wanted him now.

She gripped his legs with her knees and rolled them over, so that she was on top now. His hand was still beneath her, playing with her. If he was going to tease, so could she.

"And what about you, Jack?" She nuzzled his neck and slid her hand down between them. She brushed his hand lightly, feeling the heat coming from herself, and then traced her fingers lightly over the top of his thigh. "What sort of mood are you in?"

She could feel his hardness, pushing against her leg, get just a little harder. He swallowed and she gripped his chin in her hand, tilting his face so he was looking into her eyes.

"Are we even now?"

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Content, she smiled and rolled them over again. He slid his fingers out of her and moved so that he was hovering over her. He needed no invitation, and yet he waited for one. Impatient, she lifted her hips to his and pulled his lips down to hers. She sighed against his mouth when he slid into her, and he kissed her softly.

"I love you."

She looked into his eyes, shining with lust and love, and knew that hers would be the same. It made her so happy, being with him. A couple of years ago, when she was still on the run, she never in her wildest dreams would have imagined this. Having a child, being completely madly in love with the most perfect guy she could ever have met. He was the first to ever know she was a criminal – she never told anyone else. All the others knew her as Lucy, or Maggie, or Monica. He was the first guy she'd ever trusted enough to introduce herself as Kate. Sighing, she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his.

"I love you too."

* * *

"What are we going to have for breakfast?" She was draped over him again, absent-mindedly trailing her fingers over his chest. He looked down at her.

"I don't know, what do you want?"

"Um, some pancakes. And strawberries." She beamed up at him, knowing that it would take only a few seconds for him to fold. He rolled his eyes at her.

"You want champagne with that?" They both laughed.

"Coffee will be fine."

Still smiling, he climbed out of bed with an exaggerated sigh and pulled his boxers on. He walked downstairs and she listened to him for a while, moving around the kitchen.

The bed was still warm from where his body had been. She threw the sheet off the side of the bed, lying naked in the middle of it. The sun streaming in from the window wrapped itself around her like a blanket, instantly warming her skin. She was happy this morning.

She stretched briefly and then rolled off the bed, landing in a heap on the floor and looked around for her clothes. They were strewn everywhere.

She crawled over to the dresser on her knees, not bothered enough to stand up, and felt around in a drawer for some underwear. Her hand latched on a bra and some panties, and she put them on. Her tank top was lying on the floor beside her, and she put that on too. She was debating whether or not to go down with bare legs, but decided against it when she saw some of Jack's boxers in the drawer. What the hell – she pulled them on, on top of her underwear. They were a bit loose and hung around her hips, but they were comfortable. Pleased, she grabbed a hair band on her way out of the room and fixed her hair in a loose ponytail as she was going down the stairs.

Jack was standing by the stove, cooking pancakes. Her eyes fell on a plate of strawberries on the table, next to two cups of coffee. God, she loved him so much. She went over and hugged him from behind, lightly kissing his back. He turned around.

"Are you stealing my clothes?" He looked amused. She smiled and stood on her tiptoes so that she could kiss his nose.

"Yes. What do you think?" She stepped back from him and twirled around, laughing.

"You look cute."

"Thanks."

She sat herself down at the table and took a sip from her coffee. It was perfect, just the thing she needed to wake herself up. She ate one of the strawberries, closing her eyes and revelling in the flavour. She was surprised – she hadn't had strawberries in a long time, she had almost forgotten how good they were. Once upon a time, they had been her favourite fruit. A solace, when she was on the run. A treat, when she and Sun had found a single strawberry bush on the island. And now, a present; washed and cut up and set out for her by the man she loved. She smiled to herself and bit into another one.

Jack put two plates of pancakes on the table and sat down beside her. He just watched her for a while, amused, while she ate a strawberry. She did have a peculiar way of eating strawberries – she liked to savour them. She would always nibble around the edge of it, and then suck out all the juice, and when she was quite satisfied that she'd had the best bits, she would pop the whole thing in her mouth and eat the rest. It was an old habit, one that she recalled sharing with Tom.

Jack was still watching her. Smiling, she picked up another strawberry and bit off half of it. Then she held it over to him, expecting him to take it. He opened his mouth.

Scooting over into his lap, she put it in. His lips closed around her fingers, gently licking the strawberry juice off them, and when he pulled away he kissed her fingertips lightly. She just smiled and kissed his nose.

"You know, strawberries are my favourite fruit."

He swallowed. "Really?"

"Uh huh."

He kissed her, and she loved the way he tasted of strawberries. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, savouring the flavour. He smiled and pulled away, pecking her sweetly on the lips.

"Well then, they're my favourite fruit too."

She looked into his eyes, and saw all the men he'd ever been for her – the protector, the doctor, the comforter, the friend, the lover. She marvelled at how much he'd done for her, how much she'd put him through. All the bullshit she'd made him endure when they were rescued, because she was too scared of what he'd say about the baby. It seemed laughable now, how worried she'd been, knowing how perfect their situation was now.

She sighed and buried her head in his neck, closing her eyes and soaking him in. Everything about him – the warmth of his shoulders, the sweet smell of his skin, the perfect fit with which her head rested against his neck. He kissed her hair and stroked her back with one hand, the other drawing light circles on her thigh.

If she could go back, and change something – if she could make it so that she hadn't killed Wayne, or spent yeas on the run, or killed Tom…she wouldn't. Because if changing one thing meant she wouldn't be here, now, then she didn't want to know.

All she cared about was that, against all the odds, she found someone who made her happier than she'd ever been before. And she was going to hold on to him for the rest of her life.

**Okay, this was written over a couple of days. A friend of mine helped me write the more smutty stuff, we wrote that together. And I meant to post it sooner, but I've been kind of busy. I had 'Baby Grace' this weekend – it's like a baby simulator, it's just a doll that cries and needs feeding and burping and changing and rocking and everything. She kept me up all of Friday and Saturday night! But it was worth it, in the end. It's not an experience I'll ever forget! **

**And then I had decided to spend all of Monday finishing off If Only, because it's a bank holiday over here in England and I didn't have school. But then I got some sort of bug and spent the whole day being sick, which wasn't very nice. Isn't nausea like the most unbearable thing ever? This weekend has done a lot to put me off having kids! Getting up in the middle of the night, and my taster of what morning sickness would be like have made me seriously think about having kids in the future. I'm not sure if I want to anymore! Well, anyways, I am still feeling poorly but am much better than I was this morning. I've spent all of tonight sitting in bed drinking coke and eating dry biscuits, and my stomach has greatly improved. It isn't churning anymore, though I still feel very delicate. **

**Right, I've spent a long time rambling, when all I really wanted to say is that I intend to finish writing If Only during the week and hopefully post on the weekend, and then start my next story! Please review!**


	46. Heartbeat

Heartbeat – Jack's POV

_About three months later_

"What was that movie even about?" She laughed and looked over at him as she clambered into the car.

"I don't know. Thought I heard something about someone murdering someone. I didn't see much."

She bit her lip, trying to stifle another laugh.

"Me neither."

"We have to do that more often."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What, make out in the movies for an hour or two?"

He couldn't help but smile. "No, I mean go out. We're always at home with Tom and Alex normally. It was nice to do something, just the two of us."

She sighed and settled back in her seat as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Yeah I know. But it's not fair, to leave Alex with Tom. I know she basically threw us out of the house tonight, but she is really sick still." She looked over at him nervously, and he could see her twisting the sleeve of her shirt in her hands. She only did that when she was stressed. "Jack, I'm really worried about her. I know the doctor's said they could find nothing wrong, but what if it's from the island? What if it wasn't one of the things they tested her for? She's been throwing up all the time; I sit with her most days. She has headaches; sometimes she can't even stand, she's so dizzy. It's getting worse Jack."

She started to cry and he pulled over in the side of the road. As quickly as he could he undid his seatbelt, and then hers, and pulled her into his lap. She wrapped her arms around him and cried into his neck, wetting the thin shirt he had on. He didn't mind – he barely noticed.

"Kate, pregnancy is different for everyone. Some women are fine the whole way through, others are sick. My cousin spent most of her pregnancy in hospital; I remember my mum fretting about it for ages. She couldn't keep any food down whatsoever, she was on a drip. And then she and the baby were both absolutely fine.

"She's so young, it's probably nothing. Don't worry about her Kate; I'm sure she wouldn't want you to."

Slowly, her tears subsided, and she rolled herself around so that she was sitting comfortably on his lap, her back pressed into his chest, her head resting on is shoulder, his arms wrapped around her. When she had turned herself around his hand had somehow come to rest on her left breast. Neither of them made any attempt to move it.

They sat in the car, on the side of the road, looking out at the stars and the passing cars in silence. It was a comfortable silence. He could feel the steady rhythm of her heartbeat beneath his hand, and it calmed him. It was unwavering, strong. It reminded him that she was here, real, and that she was his. The thought made him pull her closer, and she looked around at him.

"We probably should get home now."

Reluctantly, he let her go and she sidled back over to her seat. "You sure you're okay now?"

She nodded. He started the car again and pulled out onto the road, trying to concentrate on driving and not let his mind wander to Alex. He'd told Kate it was nothing, but in all honesty he wasn't sure. He hadn't known how sick she really was. Vomiting all the time, headaches, dizziness…maybe it was just a bug. Maybe it was just her body adapting to her first pregnancy badly. Maybe it was just genetics, a family history of bad pregnancies. Maybe it was nothing.

* * *

When they got home Kate had fallen asleep. It was late, he didn't see he point in waking her. As gently as he could he lifted her from the car and took her inside, and up the stairs to their room. When she was in her underwear, asleep under the covers he kissed her forehead gently and went downstairs again.

There were three messages on the answering machine – one from his mother, one from a friend and one from work. They could wait until the morning, none of them were particularly important. He would rather be sleeping next to Kate, or more like watching her sleep.

He went into Tom's room on the way. His little body was curled up in his cot, thumb in his mouth, breathing heavily as babies did. He wasn't really a baby any more – he was getting pretty big. It never ceased to amaze him how fast his son could grow.

Alex was asleep in the spare room. There was a bucket beside her bed, and a glass of water and some aspirin on her bedside table. He was concerned now. Even in the dim light coming from the hallway he could see she was pale. Too pale. He would take her to the hospital tomorrow, get her checked again. It was probably nothing, but there was no harm in being too careful.

* * *

He was up early, as usual, the next morning. He wouldn't wake Kate, she'd had enough stress last night. Coffee was what he needed.

Alex was up. She was walking out of Tom's room and nearly bumped into him in the corridor. She looked better, not as pale as she had last night. And she smiled, which he took to be a good sign. He felt relieved. Maybe she was okay after all.

He made himself a coffee, stronger than he normally did, and sat down to drink it. It was bitter – he hadn't felt like sugar – but it was strong and it woke him up. His mind was just starting to drift off when he heard a small cry from the bathroom.

He was already halfway up the stairs when he heard Alex shakily call out 'Kate…'.

Without even thinking he flung open the bathroom door. Alex was standing there in her underwear, her clothes in a pile on the floor, next to her towel. But he barely noticed that she was in her underwear, and she didn't seem to care either. He was too busy looking at her stomach. It was covered in bruises, all over. The bump seemed huge, swollen out of proportion. Alex's hand was shaking and resting gently on top of it and she was white. White as a sheet.

"Jack, I think I'm going to—"

She fainted and he rushed forward just in time to grab her. She was shivering, and her skin was burning hot.

"Kate!" He was hoping to God that she could hear him, that she would wake up. "Kate, dammnit, wake up!!!" He was shouting as loud as he could. Alex was still unconscious and he picked her up so that he was holding her beneath her knees and her shoulders. Her purple, too-big stomach was pressing into his chest, and he could feel himself starting to panic.

Kate appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, sleepy still, but her eyes immediately widened and she woke up when she saw Alex.

"Call an ambulance."

She didn't seem to hear him. She was frozen in shock, staring at Alex's huge bump, wrong and bruised and unnatural.

"Kate! Call an ambulance!"

She jumped and ran to find a phone. He carried Alex downstairs and lay her on the couch. She was still out cold. He grabbed her wrist and tried to find a pulse. There wasn't one. Fear gripped him and he struggled to control himself. Now wasn't a time to panic. He reasoned that he'd been too stressed to find a pulse on her wrist, probably holding the wrong spot, and he placed his head on her chest. He could hear her heartbeat – faint, irregular, slower than it should be. But it was beating. She was alive.

Kate returned to his side and they both waited silently until they heard the wail of the sirens outside, and the paramedics burst into the room and whisked Alex away to the hospital.

* * *

They took her to Saint Sebastian's. He was glad, in a way, because the doctors and nurses let him into the room where they were working on her. Kate was sitting outside in the waiting room with Tom, white and numb with shock, but he couldn't go to her now. He needed to find out what was wrong with Alex, if she'd be okay.

It was just as Ben had said. The mother's body had turned on the foetus. But the baby was still alive, and healthy as far as tests could show. Alex's womb had become infected but miraculously the baby was fine.

Alex wasn't though. The infection had turned on her eventually. It had spread from her womb, affecting each of her organs in turn. It was the reason for the headaches, the nausea, the dizziness. And all the other symptoms she had hid from them. The rashes, the bruising. He didn't want to think what else she'd been through.

They still couldn't figure out what infection it was. She was on general antibiotics, but it wasn't enough. They needed to know her illness so that they could treat her, so that they could make her better. General antibiotics wouldn't sustain her. She was on life support at the moment; her heart had given out in the ambulance. The infection had spread and if they couldn't stop it, she'd die.

He knew what it was. It was the same thing that had killed all the other women, on the island. Alex had lasted a little longer than them – she was in her third trimester – but it was catching up with her, eventually. She was just a month away from having the baby, and now she would die because of it.

They didn't know what to do about Alex. He could see the doctors arguing, about conditions and treatments. He knew none of them would work. In the end they decided to take the baby out. A caesarean section, while Alex was still unconscious. Babies had been born more prematurely before. If it was as healthy as it seemed, it would be fine.

A girl. It was a little girl. And she was healthy alright – she screamed and screamed until one of the nurses had finished cleaning her and whisked her off to an incubator.

One by one the doctors and nurses left, until there was only one left cleaning and putting away the instruments. And she went too, eventually. He sat in a chair on the far side of the room and looked at Alex. She was flushed, her face and hair matted with sweat.

He watched her heartbeat on the monitor, rising and falling as she struggled to fight the infection. There was nothing they could do now. Alex was on her own.

A nurse came in a few minutes later, wheeling the incubator with the baby asleep inside, tucked up safely in the warmth, seemingly quite at ease with the tube in her nose. She would probably be fine breathing normally, but it was a precaution. Her lungs could be underdeveloped, and she could stop breathing as suddenly as she'd started. No one would even know. And with the condition her mother was in…maybe it was best.

He went and got Kate. There was no one around, and they technically shouldn't be visiting a patient in intensive care, but he was already in there. And Alex was dying.

He didn't tell Kate that. He let her hold on to the glimmer of hope that she would pull through, that she would recover and come home again. Kate came into the room slowly, Tom asleep on one hip, and timidly walked over to the bed where Alex was lying. He heard her shakily exhale, and knew that she was trying to calm down. They both needed to, he thought. But it would all be over soon.

The baby cried in the incubator. Kate spun around, only just realising that the baby was there. She walked over slowly, one hand outstretched, and touched the glass. Fresh tears were running down her cheeks.

"A girl…Alex wanted a girl. I did too. I was going to help her—" He could hear her throat close up and she let out a dry sob. She collapsed in the chair beside him, Tom still asleep in her arms, and rested her head on his chest. He stroked her hair, and after about half an hour she fell asleep.

He sat there quietly. He'd barely said anything all night. Just quietly watching, and thinking, and trying to cope with the shock. Earlier this morning she'd been fine. And then just as suddenly, she was in a hospital on life support. It was funny how, in a heartbeat, things could change

He watched the monitor on the far side of the room. The _beep_ sound every few seconds reminded him that she was still alive, for now. He watchd the rythymical rise and fall of that green line, slowly lulling him into sleep. But it got slower. And the beep's got farther apart.

Then it flat lined. Kate bolted upright, Tom started crying in her arms. She frantically tried to shush him. The baby started to scream from in the corner, at the commotion of the room. Nurses bustled in, and then doctors. They got out the paddles and he heard them trying to save her. He heard the 'Charge!' in his head, but he didn't register what they were doing.

Unnoticed, he went and stood beside the monitor, and watched the single green line run across the screen. Amidst all the screaming and shouting, all he could hear was the single continuous beep that meant she was dead.

Her heartbeat. Her heartbeat was gone.

**Okay, well this is the beginning of the end. And I'm sorry to everyone who sorta liked Alex. I did too, really. But this was how I had intended it to happen from the moment they got back on the island. It'll all turn out okay, you'll see. And I can happily say that I have finished now! I have the final chapters written and ready to post, and will do so as soon as I can! I meant to post this sooner but I was at boarding school all last week and have been frantically revising for exams this week. However I promise (cross my heart and hope to die) that I will have the next chapter posted by Thursday night (I'm boarding on Wednesday, and have no internet access at school). And I'll have the whole thing finished by the weekend, I swear. And I cannot WAIT for this week's eppy! I have a feeling that a lot of Jaters are going to be very happy. If you haven't seen the promo and don't know what I'm talking about, go see it right now!**


	47. The Baby

The Baby – Kate's POV

She couldn't quite comprehend it. Alex. Dead. Alex…

She hadn't really noticed Jack taking her out into the waiting room at first. It was only when she felt a wetness on her shirt that she snapped out of her daze, wildly trying to comprehend where she was and what was happening. Tom was crying against her chest, alarmed by the commotion earlier. She felt a wave of relief go through her. Tom was crying – he needed someone to care for him. It was a simple task, something to take her mind off Alex. It was just a task – she needed to be doing something now, more than ever.

She stood up and rocked him and shushed him and cuddled him until he quietened and fell asleep against her chest, head pressed against her breast and his little hand placed lightly on her collarbone. He was warm, and heavy, and _real_.

Jack was beside her. She hadn't noticed him, quietly watching her calm Tom, but after a while she felt his eyes on her. She always knew when he was watching her.

He pulled her down onto his lap and buried his head in her neck, stroking her hip and breathing out slowly. She watched, still detached, still uncomprehending, as he tried to deal with this. She couldn't even think of dealing with it – it was as if it hadn't happened. She knew that it had, and somewhere deep in her heart she felt a glimmer of pain. But she ignored it, desperately thinking that it she did it would go away. Tears wouldn't come, grief wouldn't come…she knew she was probably still in shock.

She nearly fell off Jack when he stood up. A nurse was calling them, waiting impatiently by the door, and obviously had been for some time. She hadn't noticed.

When they were in the room again – _her_ room, the room she'd died in – the nurse started to talk to them about the baby. The baby? It was only when she looked over and saw the incubator that it all came flooding back to her. Alex, pregnant. Alex, wanting a girl. Alex, having a baby. The baby. A girl.

Jack was talking. She tried to clear her hazy mind, to understand some part of what he was saying.

"…she had no other family. We were all she had, she was staying with us."

"Well, normally the baby would go into foster care, but seeing as you are offering and are family – cousins did you say? I think it would be quite appropriate if you took the baby. I shall have to check, but I am pretty sure that you can take her. Do you want to name her?"

She still didn't understand what was going on. Why were they talking about the baby? It was Alex's baby. Alex's.

The next thing she knew the nurse was gone and Jack was kneeling in front of her, holding her spare hand in both of his. A strange thought flickered through her head; she thought he was going to propose, here, now.

He was squeezing her hand very gently. "Kate? Kate? Are you okay?"

She knew she wasn't, really. But she was starting to comprehend things now. Some awareness of reality had returned to her. She could take in her surroundings, and what was happening, and who was talking, and she thought that she almost grasped what was going on.

"Are we going home?" Her voice sounded thin, stretched. He heard the strain in it and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Yeah, we are. And we're taking the baby. Not now, she'll stay here for a night or two to make sure she's okay. But then we can take her home and she can be our baby okay? Kate?"

She thought about how much Alex had wanted this baby. She thought about how excited she'd been, an excitement she hadn't shared because Kate's own heart still ached for a baby of her own. And then she suddenly remembered something Alex said to her one time.

_I know that you'll get another baby, somehow._

But not like this. She hadn't wanted it to be like this. The tears brimmed and blurred in her eyes, and then they were streaming down her face. She didn't make a sound, and her body didn't rack with sobs as she had expected. But she cried. She cried for the loss of a young girl, a friend, who'd loved and cherished this baby before it had even been born. And now she would never get to care for it, and feed it, and cuddle it and play with it and watch it grow up.

But someone had to. Someone had to do all those things, and she felt a fierce protectiveness flare up in her. This baby, Alex's baby, wouldn't be raised in some foster home. She wouldn't allow it.

She would raise it. And she would love it just as much as Alex had. More, because she would be loving it for both of them. Not it – her. It was a little girl.

She got up and lay Tom down on the hospital bed in the room. Empty now. Clean sheets and everything. You wouldn't think someone had died there minutes? Hours? Days ago? He slept soundly on the white sheets, thumb in his mouth, childish innocence all over his face. He didn't know what was going on.

She went over to the incubator and spread both her hands over the glass. A little girl. A beautiful little girl. _My little girl_, she thought. It was her baby, at long last. The baby she should have had. The baby that Alex had given to her.

It was for that that she loved the girl the most.

**I was very disappointed with the finale…it made me cry actually. Firstly there was little substantial Jate, and then the ending…it was so heartbreaking! I feel so sorry for him. In the future, I mean. sniff I'm feeling very un-Jatey at the moment. This is the worst Jate depression I've ever had…if anyone knows anything that can cheer me up, please help.**


	48. Moving On

Moving On – Kate's POV

She'd found a sort of peace since Alex's death. When the shock had worn off, she hadn't been overwhelmed by grief as she'd expected. She had a sense of purpose – she would raise Alex's baby. And that drive, that certainty, gave her something to focus on. It made her feel as if somehow she was making it up to Alex, for failing her when she was sick. For not insisting that she be checked again and again at the hospital.

She banished those thoughts from her head. Alex was gone now. There was no reason to blame herself, and nothing to achieve by doing it. They were burying her at the end of the week. Kate had picked out the place herself. In the cemetery there was this old tree, in the corner. And somehow, she didn't quite know, it reminded her of the island. There was something in its trunk, or its leaves, or its shape, or the noise it made when the wind whistled through it that reminded her of the island. Alex's home. They were burying her in that plot on Friday. It was Wednesday today – they were picking up the baby.

Or Jack was, really. He had gone to the hospital today, having decided last night that he would quite his job. She didn't question his decision. She felt the burning need for a change, an escape, as much as he did. He wanted to go somewhere. Australia was both their favourite choice. It was the farthest they felt they could go from this place. From here.

They'd actually rented a house already. It was crazy – Jack had woken up in the middle of the night desperate to get away, to start fresh. They'd gone on the computer, looking at houses because neither of them could sleep and what the hell, why not. And they'd found one, a perfect little house outside Sydney. It was big, big enough for a family of four – it still felt strange to say that, they'd been three for some time – and as Jack had said, they never knew what would happen. There could be more.

It had a pool, and a big backyard, and was close enough to the city that Jack could work there. She hadn't really thought about work then. He would probably go back to being a doctor. It was what he did best. But he had promised he would work reasonable hours and come home to her every day.

It just suddenly occurred to her that what they were doing was crazy. They'd just organized a house in another country and were moving within the next month…neither of them had a job there, or family or anything which might ease the move. They would arrive in a completely new country and have to go from there. She couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect, despite the sheer madness of it. They could just go, and leave all their bad memories and bad feelings behind them.

She heard the door open and ran over. Jack came in, holding a bundle in his arms. He handled it carefully, delicately, and although he too seemed to want to hold her, he gave her to Kate.

Her breath caught in her throat and tears filled her eyes when she looked at the little baby. She was absolutely perfect. And she was Kate's. She woke and yawned a little, and her tiny little baby lashes opened to expose startling blue eyes.

She knew all baby's eyes were blue at birth, but she sensed that they would always be this way. Another reminder of Alex.

"We have to name her you know. The birth certificates and everything are waiting, they were kind of forgotten that night."

A silenced fell between them.

"I know" she sighed in the end, because the baby was too beautiful for every name that came into her head. She wished that Alex had told her what she wanted the baby to be called. But they had all thought that Alex would be naming the baby herself. She never thought that she would have to do it.

She vaguely recalled a conversation she'd had with Alex one day about names. She'd explained why she'd chosen Tom. And Alex, in turn, had told her all the names she was thinking about. And then quite abruptly, Alex had asked what her mother's name was. Her real mother. She had answered 'Danielle', and Alex smiled. She hadn't thought anything of it then, but she remembered now how Alex's hand has settled on her stomach and she had murmured the name under her breath.

"Danielle." Jack looked at her questioningly. "Danielle, I want to call her Danielle."

He mulled this over thoughtfully. He knew better then to argue. Eventually he just sank into the couch beside her and asked, "Why Danielle?"

It was hard to explain. But she told him the story of that day, and how she knew it was what Alex would have wanted. "Please Jack. I need to call her Danielle."

He nodded. "Okay. Danielle Shepard."

It sounded okay. And she knew that the baby would be a Shepard anyway, if she was going to be their baby. Tom was a Shepard. She didn't want to taint her children with Austen.

"Danielle…" she whispered and held the baby up in front of her. She was so small. Only a month premature, but so small and so white she looked almost porcelain. She yawned again, and her pursed little lips reminded Kate so much of a precious china doll.

"What are we going to feed her?"

"I have some stuff from the hospital that we can mix in with normal formula milk. She'll need supplements for a while, to help her grow, but she'll be okay."

She nodded and looked back down at her beautiful baby, sleeping against her chest. Tom toddled over from where he'd been playing with his toys in the corner. He held his hands up and Jack came and lifted him up. They both sat down at the other end of the couch.

"This is your little sister Tom."

He scrunched his little brow up, confused.

"Sist-a?" He managed. Jack laughed.

"Yes, sister. She's your little sister."

Of course a toddler only just over one year old couldn't comprehend what Jack was saying. But they both laughed when he bounced up and down on Jack's lap, clapping his hands and smiling and saying 'Sist-a!' over and over again.

She'd given up on having a baby. And yet here she was, curled up on the couch with Tom and Jack and their baby daughter.

Her baby daughter.

**Two more chapters! I am finishing at exactly 50, to be nice and even. The next two will be long though…Alex's funeral, and then the move! I thought they needed to move, Jack's house was getting too filled with bad memories. So, please review! I hope you're liking it so far.**

**P.S. If anyone was depressed about the finale, don't worry! I as so upset I cried at first. But then a friend sent me this AMAZING comment someone had said on lost-forum, explaining everything. My faith in Jate was 100 restored! If you want me to send it to you, just contact me with your email and I'll send the file (it's a Word document). Honestly, it is a must-read for all finale-distressed Jaters. Stay strong! Remember…Jate IS Fate!!!!!**


	49. Black Umbrellas

Black Umbrellas – Jack's POV

It rained. Years later, when he thought back on this day, that was what he would remember the most. The rain.

Kate was huddled under an umbrella with him, pressed close to avoid getting wet. She was cold. Even in her thick black coat, she was cold. He could feel the iciness emanating from her.

It was only them. Kate had insisted they put an obituary in the paper, even though there was no one else who knew her. But he did as she wished, not even questioning it. She was dealing with her grief in her own way, and he was dealing with it in his.

The kids were at home, with a babysitter. Jack's neighbours had a sixteen-old girl who was perfectly happy to mind them while she studied and watched TV. And they were asleep, anyway. Kate had ensured that before they'd left.

It was almost midday, but the sky was dark. Almost black, in places. It was a black day indeed.

The priest looked slightly odd, a raincoat over his robes. It seemed wrong somehow, that he should be putting Alex to rest wearing bright blue plastic. But then again, why should he suffer? Why should he be as wet and as cold, why should he be as miserable as they were?

The ceremony flew by. The coffin was lowered into the ground, and Kate left his side to throw flowers into the pit. She returned soaking wet from her few seconds in the rain. The priest finished and returned to wherever he came from, leaving them standing in the cold rain, beside her cold grave, feeling colder than any weather ever could.

They just stood there for a while, looking down at her coffin, drowned poppies strewn across the top of it. Poppies – her favourite flower.

They turned to go, and saw a figure standing a little way away, leaning against a tree. Watching them. Jack couldn't quite make out who he was, through the rain. He was wearing a black suit, drenched and clinging to his body, and his hair was wet and sticking to his face. He didn't seem to care. They walked a little closer.

"Karl?" Kate seemed as surprised as he was.

The boy looked up, and they could both see the redness in his eyes, and the tears pouring from them. Even through the rain.

"Kate." His voice broke and he looked down.

"You…you're here?" Kate stepped toward away from his side, forgetting the torrential rain. He thought about pulling her back in, keeping her dry, but in the end didn't bother. She would probably push him off anyway. Karl wiped his eyes with the back of his soaking sleeve, to little avail, and cleared his throat.

"I, uh, I saw her name in the paper. The obituary. I'm living with my uncle, my parents gave me his name so that I had somewhere to go if I got away. I didn't know…I didn't know she was here, in LA…" His voice broke again. "Did…did the baby die too?"

Kate froze and looked back at Jack. He knew what she was saying. _What if he wants her? What if he takes her from us?_

She hesitated, and that was all it took to set Karl off. He sank down to his knees, his head in his hands, shoulders shaking with sobs. Kate knelt beside him on the wet grass and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Karl, the baby didn't die. She's alive, she's fine, she's with us." She bit her lip. "We're her guardians, we're raising her now."

Karl looked up at her, disbelieving. He looked back and forth between them, white with shock. And then he smiled.

"The baby…she's alive?" He smiled even wider and stood up again. "It's a girl? Is she okay? Does she look like Alex?"

Kate began to withdraw. Jack watched her, knowing that she was turning colder every second. If Karl wanted to, as the father, he had every right to demand custody. If he wanted their baby, he could take her.

She turned away from Karl, from his questions, and flew into Jack's arms. She buried her head in his shoulder and breathed shakily. He wrapped an arm around her and looked at Karl. His smile was faltering, and he was wearing the expression of a scorned puppy. Like he'd done something wrong, just by asking.

"Look, Karl, she's still a bit shaken up. We're going home now, and you can come with us and see the baby if you want. And then we can talk about what we're going to do."

"Going to do?" He looked confused.

"About the baby."

"Um, okay. Can I just…" He looked over his shoulder at the open grave, and his face sunk. "Can I say goodbye?" His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Sure. We'll wait in the car."

He watched Karl walk over to the grave, and then turned Kate around and they went to the car. They sat inside and waited.

"Jack…" she was crying. "What if he wants her? He can't…I couldn't bear it if he…"

He looked out the window, at Karl kneeling beside the open grave, stroking the ground softly with one hand. Even from here it was obvious he was crying.

"I don't think he'll take her. He's only seventeen, he just lost the girl he loved." He looked over at Kate. She looked terrible – her hair was wet, and plastered to her face and neck. Her eyeliner had run all down her face, and she was still crying. He wanted nothing more than to hug her. "He's just a kid. He couldn't raise a baby."

"But still, what if—"

"Kate. We'll discuss it with him, okay? If he does want to take her we can try and talk him out of it, and if he doesn't then it's fine. It'll be okay, stop worrying."

She nodded timidly and leant her head against the car window, looking out at the pouring rain.

Karl opened the car door a few minutes later. He climbed in wordlessly, soaking wet, eyes still red. Jack didn't complain about the water – though he'd stayed under the umbrella, Kate was just as wet as Karl.

He pulled out of the cemetery, and soon they were driving home. Home…only for a little while longer.

* * *

"So, um, pretty big coincidence huh? You being in LA…" His lame attempt at conversation trailed off. Kate was in her own world, staring out the window and barely listening. He looked in the rear view mirror and saw Karl watching him.

"Uh, yeah. When Ben let me go, I didn't really know where to go. All I had was a name and an address of some uncle I'd never met. He was my dad's brother. I hadn't known Alex had got off…if I'd known she was with you, I'd have tried to find her…I thought I'd lost her." The kid buried the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying to force back tears. "How…how did she die?"

"She got sick. The island, I think. Like the other women. The doctors, they…they couldn't figure it out in time. But they got the baby out, before she died. She was in an incubator for a few days and now she's home, with us."

Kate closed her eyes and he saw a tear trickle down her cheek. He sighed and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "Karl? The baby…we need to talk about what's going to happen to her."

"Why, what's wrong? Is she okay? Is she sick too?"

"No, she's fine. I mean, custody-wise. She's your baby Karl. If you wanted to, you could take her from us."

"You mean, me take her? Like, to raise her?"

"Yeah."

Karl sighed. "What do you want? You and Kate?"

"We love her. And we want to keep her, as our daughter. But she's yours. It's your decision."

There was a long silence.

"I feel like…like I owe it to Alex. But I don't think I could have the baby. I have no way to support her, I don't know how to take care of her. I couldn't…I'm sorry."

Kate turned around. "You mean we can keep her?"

Karl nodded. "She's yours. But I want to see her. What's her name?"

"Danielle. She's Danielle. After Alex's—"

"—mum" Karl finished.

Kate smiled. "Yeah."

* * *

When they got home they found the babysitter chatting away to some boy on her mobile. She blushed and hung up when they opened the door, and quickly stood up. She noticed Karl and her eyes lingered on him, until Jack coughed a little.

"Oh, um, they're upstairs. Tom woke up once and I played with him for half an hour and then he went back to sleep. The baby's awake, but she seemed happy to lie there so I left her."

Kate nodded and went upstairs. He turned around to Karl and looked at his soaking clothes. They both laughed; he looked like a drowned rat. Shaking his head, Jack grabbed a clean shirt from on top of the washing machine and chucked it to Karl. The boy took off his wet jacket and shirt. The babysitter was openly goggling him now, and to spare him the embarrassment Jack opened the door.

"Cassie? I think its time you went home now." She blushed and gathered up her things, and said 'bye' to Karl rather flirtatiously on her way out. Jack handed her some money as she passed him and closed the door behind her. Karl was staring at the door, something between surprise and pain on his face.

"She's just a girl Karl."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just that…Alex used to say goodbye to me like that."

Kate came down the stairs with Danielle in her arms. Immediately he rushed over.

"Kate! You're soaking wet, you shouldn't be holding her!"

"What? Oh! Here, take her…" She handed Jack the baby and ran upstairs to get changed. Danielle wasn't too wet, her blanket was just damp. He walked over to where Karl was standing, mesmerized at the sight of the baby.

"This is Danielle." He held the baby out, and Karl took her. He still hadn't said a word, he was just looking at the tiny baby. She chose that moment to open her eyes and yawn. Karl gasped and looked up at Jack.

"She has Alex's eyes!" His eyes were filling with tears again but he was smiling. He adjusted her so that he was holding her in one arm, and with the other hand he brushed the baby's cheek lightly. She reached out and latched onto his finger, and pulled it into her mouth. He started to cry, but somehow Jack sensed that he was happy.

"She's…she's beautiful."

Jack felt Kate's fear grip him. What if Karl changed his mind? What if he wanted her now, now that he'd seen her? From the way he was acting…he was besotted with the baby.

He was relieved when Danielle started to cry. Karl looked up at him, bewildered.

"What did I do? What's wrong? Is she okay?"

Jack took her from his arms and cradled her against his shoulder.

"She'll be okay, she's probably just hungry. She's so small, she needs to eat all the time."

Karl nodded hastily and stepped away slightly. He had to repress a smile at the boy's hesitation. Even if he'd wanted the baby, Karl couldn't have coped.

Kate appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing a t-shirt and some jeans and rubbing her hair with a towel. She dropped it at the foot of the stairs and gently took Danielle from his arms.

"When was she last fed?"

"Uh, before we left. About three hours." Kate nodded and headed into the kitchen, baby resting perfectly in one arm.

Karl watched her go. "I know she'll be safe with you. I…thank you."

"It's no problem. We wanted another baby, but…we love her, and I promise we'll take good care of her."

"I should probably go."

"Do you want a lift home?"

"I think I'll catch a bus or something. I need to clear my head a bit, I'll probably end up walking somewhere."

Jack nodded and they walked towards the door.

"Goodbye Jack." They shook hands.

"Bye." Karl nodded and stepped outside. The rain had stopped, but the day was still overcast and grey.

He watched until Karl's figure had disappeared off the end of the street before he turned to go inside.

Kate was sitting in the kitchen, feeding Danielle. She looked up when he came. He could see the tears of relief in her eyes.

"I thought he was going to take her away."

"No…I wouldn't let him. No one's ever going to take her away from you Kate. She's our baby now."

Kate looked so natural with the baby in her arms. It could've been her baby, it seemed so right.

They were leaving in three weeks. He'd put the house up for sale, but he didn't expect to sell it before he left. But he could organize it over the phone, or the computer. The agency could organize it. They were starting to pack things into boxes. He'd only realised how empty his house was now – he had so few things that he really wanted to take. Even the furniture was sparse. He hadn't needed much on his own.

But he wasn't on his own anymore. For the second time that week he thought that maybe it wasn't so crazy, doing this. His life here still hadn't adjusted to Kate. This house was too…too haunted by memories. Memories of the days he'd spent obsessing over Sarah, and pining for Kate. Too empty. Too cold. Too lonely.

He had to get away. They had to get away. He was going to make new memories, and he didn't want them tainted with the old ones. The bad ones.

No, they had to get away. Soon.

**One more left! I'm going away to Scotland with the family for a couple of days tomorrow, for half-term, so I'm sorry to say I'll have to leave it at this for the time being. But I have an especially long to chapter to post when I get back, and with it an excerpt from my new story, **_**Run Away With Me**_** (which I can't wait to start posting). So, I'll be back Wednesday night. Please review!**


	50. Forever

Forever – Jack's POV

Kate was a little scared getting on a plane again. She'd been worried last time, when they were flying back from Fiji, and this time she was terrified. It was a big airliner – like the crash. They were flying across the world – like the crash. Over open water – like the crash.

He had to hold her hand the whole time. She was shaking when they took off, and was squeezing his hand so tight that it hurt. He didn't mind – it worried him more seeing how worked up she was. She had Danielle clasped tightly to her chest, and he had Tom sitting on his lap.

Both Kate and Danielle were asleep after a few hours. She didn't know it, but he'd crushed some sleeping tablets in her drink at the airport. Tom was watching some cartoon on the television, the earphones too big on his head. But it kept him quiet, so it didn't matter.

He sighed and leant back into the chair, closing his eyes briefly. They were finally doing it – moving. Their few belongings were in boxes, probably already delivered to the house in Australia. He'd left the furniture – the house they were renting was furnished, anyway. If the people who bought his house didn't want it, that was fine with him. They could chuck it out for all he cared, so long as he never had to see it again. The bed he'd slept in with Sarah, and Abbey…the couch he'd spent hours sitting on, drunk and miserable and missing Kate. No, he never wanted to see it again. Ever.

For the tenth time since Kate had fallen asleep, he pulled the little box out of his pocket and looked at it again. The velvet was smooth under his hand, and the ring, inside, was still as bright as ever.

He was struggling with himself. For almost a month he'd had this in his pocket, or beside his bed, or somewhere where it was always in his reach. He'd been about to propose to her, but then Alex…he hadn't thought it was the right time. And still, over three weeks later, it wasn't the right time. He was ready – more than anything else in the whole world, he wanted to marry her. But he didn't know how she felt, what she wanted. If she still felt that it was too soon, after Alex's death.

He shut the box and put it in his pocket again. It would wait, for now. Tom was starting to fall asleep, leaning back against his chest. Gently, he took the earphones off his little head and turned off the TV. He wrapped one arm around Tom's little body, securing him there. Both he and Danielle were too small to sit in a seat of their own, so they'd had to hold them. Kate was still holding Danielle tightly to her chest, even though she was asleep.

He stayed awake for the rest of the flight, head spinning with thoughts; with Kate leaning on his shoulder and Tom slumped in his lap and little Danielle asleep against Kate's chest. His family, sleeping around him.

* * *

The plane landed at night. It was dark, but the first thing Jack noticed was the humidity. There were no clouds, but the night air was hot and thick. When he'd last been in Australia, it was winter. He supposed they'd have to get used to these overly hot summers.

Sydney airport was crowded, and he was glad when they got into a hire car and drove into the city. They had a map, and some directions, and he and Kate spent over an hour trying to navigate their way to the house. It was in the suburbs somewhere, just outside Sydney. It didn't take long for them to become hopelessly lost.

Tom and Danielle were asleep again, in their car seats in the back. Kate was sitting beside him and biting her lip, trying to make some sense of the map. He laughed at the way her face was screwed up in concentration. She looked up at him, surprised, and then she laughed too and chucked the map onto the floor.

"We're screwed huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

She looked over her shoulder. "The kids are asleep at least."

"Yeah. You slept for a long time on the plane."

"I know, it was weird. I just felt really tired, and my whole body felt really heavy. It was like I was drugged or something."

He looked out the window, trying not to give it away, but couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. She exclaimed and then slapped him on the arm.

"Jack! How dare you!"

"I knew you wouldn't sleep otherwise! And I didn't want you to be tired. And besides, we're even now. You drugged me once too, remember?"

She stopped arguing then. "Long time ago." Her voice was little more than a whisper. He looked over at her, leaning against the car window, looking small and fragile and nervous. He took her hand.

"It'll be okay you know. This."

"You say that so confidently."

"I am confident."

"Jack, we're lost already. What makes you think everything else will be so fine?"

"I just know."

She sighed and grabbed the map again. "You better be sure about this."

They managed to find the house two hours later.

The first thing Kate did was grab the two car seats, with Tom and Danielle still asleep inside, and take them into the house. He found her sitting in one of the bedrooms, legs crossed, looking at the two children. The car seats were side by side on the floor, against one of the cots. He remembered now, her insistently saying that they had to have a house furnished for young kids. It had taken a whole night to find one.

He took her hand and gently pulled her up. She protested and tried to pull away when he led her of the room, and so he picked her up. One hand under her knees, the other around her shoulders, he carried her downstairs and held her close until she stopped struggling.

"Jack, I have to look after them! I need to make sure they're okay, let go."

He just gripped her tighter. "They're fine. They're sleeping, they don't need you to sit with them. I know you promised Alex you'd take care of Danielle," She stiffened in his arms and grabbed his shirt, "I heard you crying in your sleep. But that doesn't mean you need to be with her all the time. You need to take care of yourself too."

"I'm fine Jack."

"Are you?"

She looked up at him, her eyes red and her cheeks tear-stained, and relaxed into his chest. She leant her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck, and he hugged her back.

"It's just…I'm finding it hard to believe that she's gone. She's been there everyday since we got back, and she did so much for us, on the island. I feel like…like by taking care of Danielle, I'm making it up to her, somehow."

"Danielle will never be our baby if you keep thinking that. Alex is gone, and I understand. It was a shock. But now it's just you and me and Tom, and we have to be Danielle's parents too. We came here to forget, Kate." He took her chin gently in his hand and tilted her head back so that he was looking into her eyes. "Promise me you'll try."

Another tear slid down her cheek and she nodded. He kissed her deeply on the mouth, realising that the taste of her tears had become quite familiar to him. For some reason, they always kissed after she'd been crying. They hadn't kissed while they were having fun and enjoying each other's company for a long time. A long, long time.

She pulled away.

"Have you got Tom's bunny? No, I know – I promise, I'll forget them after this. But if he wakes up without it he'll be upset."

Rolling his eyes, he gently pushed her off his lap. "It's in my jacket pocket, by the door."

She got up and left him sitting on the couch. A moment too late he realised what was also in that same pocket…he ran over to find her standing in the doorway, his jacket in one hand, the ring in the other. She looked up at him, eyes wide, her lips curved in a little 'oh'.

Knowing that there was nothing else he could do, he walked over and took the ring from her.

"I didn't ask you earlier because I thought it was too soon, after Alex. But you've found it now, so…" His voice was soft, quiet.

He got down on one knee, and she started to cry again. But she was smiling. At least she was smiling.

"Will you marry me?"

She gave a little cry and threw herself into his arms, kissing his face again and again.

"Yes, yes, yes, I will…" She kept saying that, amongst kisses. Overcome with relief that she hadn't said no, that she was ready, he grabbed her and kissed her hard. She kissed him back, and he felt himself getting carried away, the little box still in his hand. But if he was going to do this, he was going to do it properly.

He pulled away from her and took her hand. He opened the box and took out the ring, the diamond sparkling in the dim light of the room. It fit perfectly, and he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

And then she was kissing him again, harder, more insistently, her hands tight around his neck, his heavy on her waist. He picked her up and somehow they managed to stumble upstairs to the bedroom.

He made love to her that night knowing that soon, she would be his wife.

* * *

She was still asleep. It was only about five, and the sun was filtering in dimly through the window. She seemed to glow golden beside him, her brown curls shining red and gold, her skin creamy and smooth and perfect. The sheet had slipped down to her waist, and her back was turned to him.

He ran his hand over the perfect expanse of skin, so soft, and rested it on the curve of her waist. Subconsciously, she relaxed into his hand and sighed. He smiled.

He thought about what his mother had wanted for him all these years – a perfect house in the suburbs of LA, with a white picket fence and a beautiful housewife and 2.5 kids. Not a lovechild with a convicted felon, and the adoptive baby of their teenage rescuer.

He thought about what his father had wanted for him – renown as a spinal surgeon, a rich and successful career. No life, except at the hospital. Utter devotion to his work.

He pulled Kate close to him and buried his head in her hair, breathing in the dizzyingly sweet scent of her curls. And he was happy.

Because he knew that what he had was all he wanted, anyway.

_Finis_

**So that's it! Please review and let me know not just what you thought of this chapter, but the story as a whole. I know there are a lot of inconsistencies – I reread the whole thing for the sake of it when I finished – but this stretched over such a long period of time I didn't really see how to avoid them without reading the whole thing every time. **

**Don't think I'm disappearing though! Far from it. Below is a section from my new story, Run Away With Me, which I will start posting very soon! It is Jate, I promise, though it may seem a little Skate at the beginning. That will be fully explained in time! Again, please let me know if you like it and I would love suggestions! **

_Run Away With Me – Chapter 1 (excerpt)_

"_Kate?"_

_She looked up from her half-packed bag and then looked away, ashamed. Spilling from the backpack were clothes, socks, her aeroplane, and most obviously, like a beacon that drew his gaze, a passport._

_She was running again._

_He went and sat down on the bed beside her and looked out of the small window, at the ever-moving horizon. The water was a little rough today._

_The rescue boats had arrived yesterday. Claire's message had worked – the scientists monitoring the emigrational habits of those birds had found their message and instantly the search had been renewed. Somehow, they'd found the island._

_And so here they were – sitting in a room in the boat, saying their goodbyes. She looked up and met his eyes again._

"_I have to Jack. I can't just…walk straight into jail. I have to go, I'm sorry."_

"_Sawyer going with you?"_

_She looked up sharply. There was a bitter tone in his voice that they both heard, and both pretended they didn't. She sighed and started pushing stuff back into her bag._

"_No. We both agreed that it was for the best." She sat back and smiled ruefully. "He has a daughter, did you know that? She's called Clementine, she's probably about two now. He wants to go and see her."_

"_So you're on your own again." _

"_Yeah, I suppose. It was like that for a long time though, I think I can get used to it again."_

_She slid across the bed on her knees to where he was sitting, and gently picked up his hand in hers._

_His breath caught in his throat. Their almost-relationship still hovered between them. She was with Sawyer, he got that. Bitterly and somewhat resentfully he had accepted it. He wasn't the cuckoo to push Sawyer out. They'd slowly rebuilt a timid friendship since then, and all the time it was threatened when one of them felt that it was getting too close again. It had been three months, since they'd returned from the Others. Three months in which he'd been in love with her and every day had to see her holding hands, or kissing, or playing with Sawyer._

_She stroked her fingertips softly over his knuckles, a strange and surprisingly intimate contact. And then she shook his hand._

"_I have to go Jack." He took a deep breath._

"_I know. I'm coming with you."_


End file.
